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Jessica Alba wiggles it best

by
Dorothy Snarker

If there were ever a time in my life I wished I were better at math, this is it. Mathematicians at the University of Cambridge — yes, Cambridge — have determined through careful calculations and tireless hours of grueling research that Jessica Alba has the best wiggle.

Yes, that’s right: Jessica’s strut is the hottest of them all, based on a formula that measures the proportions between a woman’s hips and waist. The academics determined that the closer the ratio is to .70, the better for maximum sexy sway. That ratio “provides the body with the right torso strength to produce a more angular swing and bounce to the hips during the walking motion.”

Raise your hand if you think this “study” was just an excuse for a bunch of math nerds to look at pictures like this and call it serious research.

Jessica and her perfect .70 beat out other sashay supremacy contenders including Marilyn Monroe, Angelina Jolie and Kate Moss. Marilyn came in just off the target ratio at .69.

Oh, please. This is where I’m once again happy I’m not better at math. I don’t care what equation you plug their proportions into — there is no way Jessica has a better walk than Marilyn. Crunch all the numbers you want, but Marilyn invented the wiggle. To quote Some Like It Hot, that woman is like Jello on springs. Watch it wiggle, watch it jiggle indeed.



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    • Submitted by
    Dorothy Snarker
    on August 28, 2007 - 12:32pm.
    TAGS :: 
    ArtsyAmy's picture

    Marilyn. . .

    Submitted by
    ArtsyAmy (40 posts)
    on August 28, 2007 - 1:26pm.
    All Hail the Queen of Jiggle (and many other lovely things)!!!
    jennifer from pittsburgh's picture

    Important Research

    Submitted by
    jennifer from p... (1391 posts)
    on August 28, 2007 - 1:33pm.
    I'm willing to contend that this is valuable research. How else will the math geeks be able to properly proportion the army of adoring fembots that they're building in their dad's garage? Oh, that reminds me, I need to pick up a new flux capacitor...
    Margo Moon's picture

    Just wondering

    Submitted by
    Margo Moon (8 posts)
    on August 28, 2007 - 1:43pm.
    Is the old flux capacitor completely shot, or would you be willing to sell it used?
    jennifer from pittsburgh's picture

    Flux on Ebay

    Submitted by
    jennifer from p... (1391 posts)
    on August 28, 2007 - 1:57pm.
    I'll let you know when it's up on ebay ;)
    RuggedAscent's picture

    *raises hand*

    Submitted by
    RuggedAscent (104 posts)
    on August 28, 2007 - 2:42pm.

    *raises hand* 

    Check out the hottest new up-and-coming artist, Mess F - www.messf.com

    slcpunkster01's picture

    Hmmm...

    Submitted by
    slcpunkster01 (16 posts)
    on August 28, 2007 - 11:31pm.

    I'm all for science and math advancing our species...but come on, a formula for the best "wiggle."

    I hope they feel proud of themselves, deriving a formula for something no one needs or will ever need. At least they can say they went to Cambridge I guess.

    SillyGirl's picture

    I agree

    Submitted by
    SillyGirl (74 posts)
    on August 29, 2007 - 12:19am.
    Jessica for sure has the best wiggle. She is soooo gorgous, talented HOT Chica. Love ever thing she does.  And love the other girls as well angelina and marylin. ;)
    Elvis730's picture

    best 'wiggle'

    Submitted by
    Elvis730 (65 posts)
    on August 29, 2007 - 6:06am.

    some one sure has a lot of time on their hands...but i have to disagree...sure Jessica Alba is hot but no one can 'wiggle' better than Marilyn

     

    Elvis Rocks My Socks!

    Sara's picture

    Pretty sure...

    Submitted by
    Sara (36 posts)
    on August 29, 2007 - 1:03pm.

    Pretty sure I could have told those Cambridge boys how this "study" was going to turn out, and all I have to do is look at Jessica Alba to see it. :-)

    I <3 Jessica!!!!

    Jessi's picture

    Jessica photo's

    Submitted by
    Jessi (2057 posts)
    on August 29, 2007 - 1:07pm.

    Of all the photos they have posted on this posting I can't stop starring at the one with the white suit.

    Muriel's picture

    Some Like It Hot

    Submitted by
    Muriel (35 posts)
    on August 30, 2007 - 6:18pm.

    Wow, seeing the trailer for that movie was interesting. I saw Some Like It Hot when I was young, but I don't remember it being quite so ridiculous--and I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way. This all just adds credit to my theory that little kids take weirdness is strive and barely notice it. I can't count the number of movies children's that I've seen as an adult and been amazed by the oddness of them, and I have often wondered why I didn't notice it before.

    Perhaps my mom should no longer tease me for watching Elvis Presley movies (a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine), because from what I can see and remember, Some Like It Hot is equally campy and ludicrous.


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