There’s a half-funny, half-embarrassing story concerning me and women on the cover of magazines. It involves the year 1998, a newsagent, Denise Richards, a copy of FHM, and my firm insistence — to a male friend of mine who happened across me browsing — that I didn’t realize FHM was a men’s magazine. I think he believed me ... just about.

Nevertheless, for most of my teen years I didn’t dare to cast more than a furtive eye in the direction of the men’s magazine section. Fortunately, they’re not the only magazines to feature lots of glamorous women. In fact, one of my favorite magazine covers was from around the same period as the FHM fiasco, in 1997:

Now, I couldn’t care less about Cameron Diaz, but Kate Winslet and Claire Danes in the same frame? Be still, my beating teenage Titanic- and My So-Called Life–loving heart!

What I didn’t realize at the time was that this cover was part of what has become an annual series for Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue, by a rather well-known photographer named Annie Leibovitz. VanityFair.com is currently running a retrospective of these foldout covers (which typically entice you in with three beautiful women on the front, and then open out to reveal about seven more). That means you can time-travel all the way back to the first one in 1995:

Um. Yes. Normally I think that the expression “legs for days” is an exaggeration, but in the case of Uma Thurman (pictured second from left), it might actually be true. And I’m not even going to get started on that picture of Nicole Kidman.

Also online is the latest cover, for 2008:

While I’m not mad about the sickly pastel theme, I vote an enthusiastic yes to anything involving Emily Blunt and an old-fashioned bathing costume. And is it just me, or does Elizabeth Banks (pictured third from right) strangely resemble Leisha Hailey?

There’s the famous Scarlett and Keira cover from 2006:

One of the most interesting things about the large ensemble shots is to see who comes out looking best. While Nicole Kidman looks Titian and goddess-like, for instance, and none of the people around her is exactly plain, I think the 2001 cover shot belongs to Kate Winslet:

2004 is stolen by a Monroe-like Scarlett Johansson, and, rather to my surprise, Jennifer Aniston:

One thing that bothers me about these covers is that, while they do sometimes feature women of color, they almost always seem to be on the inside part of the foldout, rather than the front. In fact, the only front-cover example I could find in the 14 years these covers have been running is Thandie Newton in 1999:

It may also come as no surprise to hear that 14 years have gone past without a single out lesbian or bisexual actress appearing in any of the Hollywood Issue cover shots. This is a problem that must be solved. Either Annie needs to ring up Jodie, or a lot of actresses need to come out this year. In fact, a combination of both would be nice.