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Fake Gay News Round-upLesbians Unable to Tweet In 140 Characters or Less Now Have "Twordy" SAN FRANCISCO — After years of trying to share their feelings, political views, lunch choices, and favorite Rachel Maddow quotes — while also telling others how very wrong they are — gay women are abandoning the ubiquitous microblog Twitter in favor of "Twordy," an upstart site that allows up to 125,819 characters. Founder Michelle Oates, a veterinarian and part-time writer, says, "Twordy is the solution for gay women who have very strong opinions and no problem telling you what they are at length." When asked how she derived at exactly 125,819 characters, Oates explained those are her cats, Mia and Hamm's, birthdays: Dec. 5 and Aug. 19, respectively.
Bi-curious Married Woman Can't Understand Why No One Answered her Craigslist Ad GROSS POINTE, MI — Hoping to have her first lesbian experience while her husband watches over this past weekend, Linda W. posted an ad in the "Women Seeking Women" section of craigslist, but did not receive any suitable takers before her kids came home. "I've been wanting to know the touch of a drug and disease free, voice-verified, femme woman with no strings attached for a long time," said the 39-year-old mother of three, "But all I received were six angry emails from lesbians. I'm going to try again next weekend and add a grainy picture of my breasts. Maybe that will help."
Gay Woman Finds Chosen Family Just as Annoying as Real Family FT. LAUDERDALE, FL — After an evening spent with five of her closest friends, Lisa Marshall, 29, realized her "chosen family" is just as annoying as her real family. "I consider my friends my family," Marshall said, following a night of pizza and beer at her house, "but if I wanted people to put their shoes on my couch, interrupt me while I'm telling a story, or give me unsolicited relationship advice, I'd visit my brothers and my parents." Two such friends, Kirsten and Nicole — who also happen to be Marshall's exes — tried unsuccessfully to set Marshall up with one of Nicole's co-workers, a 42-year-old woman from accounting. After passing the woman's Facebook photos around, Marshall reported, "She was a hundred, if she was a day. It's like my friends don't even know me." Kirsten and Nicole vowed to keep trying, saying, "We just want Lisa to be happy."
Shocking Poll Results: 38% of Lesbians Admit They Can't Tell Tegan and Sara Apart ASHLAND, OR — A recent survey conducted by gilrzrockngirlz.com, a website devoted to female musicians and their fans, found that, when pressed, almost 40 percent of lesbians can not say with certainty which Quin sister is Tegan, and which one is Sara. "I love their music! But yeah, I don't always know, especially if I've been drinking. Please don't tell my friends," said one fan, who asked not to be identified for fear of being ostracized and ridiculed. In a statement to the press, the website said it would petition Tegan and Sara's management to have the twins stop dressing alike in that creepy way twins sometimes do. "And one of them needs to change their hair," suggested Drea Scarlotta, a visitor to the site, "or at least part it the other way."
Organizers of Drag King Show Take All the Fun Out of Event by Adding Lecture NORTHAMPTON, MA — Unable to pass up an opportunity to be overly academic, event producers of the drag king extravaganza, "King-a-Palooza," have added a lecture, "The Subversion of Heteronormative Gender Roles by Radical Feminism," to the show's bill. To further dampen what was supposed to be a really entertaining and fun showcase, organizers Anita Brickman and Caridad Soto also announced there will be a discussion group immediately following the lecture. "I know most of the audience will only want to see hot women lip-syncing and dancing while dressed as Justin Timberlake, some boy band, or Elvis Presley," said Brickman, an adjunct women's studies professor at the University of Phoenix. "But this is a great way to raise consciousnesses and reuse my course notes." Drag King Melissa Knowles, who performs under the name "Stanley Steamer," expressed major disappointment upon hearing the new, saying, "Great. I was going to do the Motley Crue song 'Girls, Girls, Girls' but now that seems really inappropriate."
All of this news is completely and totally made up, but perhaps based on real life situations. Submitted by on November 25, 2009 - 1:00pm. |
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News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media
This is upsetting. Sara is
Cm'on now!
'ehm Personally I'm in love w/Tegan <3
tegan n sara....
both are just plain hot'N'sexy.
but Tegan has my heart (over Sara).
Dgurl
woah woah woah
you've got it twisted. tegan is clearly the hotter one :)
i love that people debate over which TWIN is hotter :P
*nods*
I'm a coverted Tegan fan too.
I can tell them apart quite easilly.. which I hope is a good thing and not a sign of me being an obsessive fan.
they do look very different
TRUTH!
They're both extremely attractive, seeing as how they're twins and all. But I find Sara more intriguing and more attractive.
~Might paint something I might want to hang here someday,
Might write something I might want to say to you someday,
Might do something I'd be proud of someday.
Mark my words, I might be somet
Fake Gay News… how I have
Fake Gay News… how I have missed you!
And I truly cannot tell T & S apart...
Twordy
"When asked how she derived at exactly 125,819 characters, Oates explained those are her cats, Mia and Hamm's, birthdays: Dec. 5 and Aug. 19, respectively."
Absolutely brilliant.
"Callie: 1, Pope: 0"
"She was a hundred, if she
"She was a hundred, if she was a day."
I usually hate the phrase LOL, but - LOL.
Bwahaha!
Oh man
AfterEllen's fake gay news, I am your love slave. I ADORE the one about Twordy. I resemble that remark maybe just a little bit.
___________________________________________________
It took me so long to learn that I needed not so much to be loved, as to love- Jonathan Richman
Oh Good times... Well done
dude.
tegan is the waaaaaayyyyy cuter quin twin
^
^
upsetting. we cant be friends
*Looks away*
King-a-palooza
Yeah so...
...Tegan is my girlfriend...don't tell my wife :-D
"AT THE TOUCH OF LOVE, EVERYONE BECOMES A POET." - Plato
Good times...
i love...
...both the Quins, and i dont think its that hard to tell them apart.
Advice For The 38 Percent...
If she's giggling, it's Tegan, Sara will be rolling her eyes.
If she's ranting, it's Tegan, Sara will be rolling her eyes.
If she's extolling the virtues of attractive male band members, whilst continuously protesting her lesbianism, it's Sara, Tegan will be rolling her eyes.
If she says a rude word instead of 'Bush' for 'Shepard's Bush', it's Tegan, Sara was going to say va-jay-jay.
(Originally I was going to write "Advice For The 62 Percent... ...Of non-fans who can't tell them apart:", but I didn't think it worked. Any thoughts for an obsessive-compulsive writer desperately trying to work out a way of shoe-horning it in anyway?
Oh. Right.)
[Edit: Shit, I skipped the post where Enigma said they actually couldn't tell them apart. Apologies, no offence meant. I both doubt and hope none was taken, since I'm clearly taking the piss, but did I mention that in addition to being slightly OCD, I'm also horrifically mindful of everything I say? It's a right bastard at times.
By the way, is there any way to make text smaller? This is the longest reply yet on this thread and over half of it's just me yakking on. Maybe I should just delete the yakking on...]
advice for your comment
ever tried Twordy? i heard it's all the rage.... :)
happy thanksgiving, all you gorgeous girls.
dara
when did Sara protest her
Oops...
She did at Town Hall in NYC
Yeah, she did that in
Someone who doesnt know TnS
Someone who doesnt know TnS could take this as sort of creepy, but its totally true. It works when you honestly cannot tell them apart; that and their tattoos, of course. But now I just know that Sara is the hot one :)
Twordy
Twordy actually exists. I haven't used it yet, but maybe I will if I feel like getting wordy when I'm twatting (which is actually very often).
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why can we never go back to bed?
Whose is the voice ringing in my head?
Where is the sense in these desperate dreams?
Why should I wake when I'm half past dead?
Sure as the clock keeps its steady chime
Weak as I walk to its steady rhyme
Ticking away from the ones we love
So many girls, so little time
hahahaha-eatin pants, sounds like every guy in my family
Twin thing
Haha the one about Tegan & Sara made me think of when my best friend said that he could easily tell them apart, he said it must be a twin thing, because he's a twin too.
He's not an identical twin, so obviously I was sceptic of his comment straight away and I decided to put it to the test. I showed him 10 pictures of Tegan & Sara and asked him to identify them in each. He got 40% right, which is less than you'd expect from guessing.
I can only identify them from their tattoos and Tegan's ptosis, but I can't tell them apart easily. Oh wait, don't ostracise and ridicule me, I can tell them apart, really I can! I can...
haha..
tegan and sara look completely different to me ha. their face shapes are not the same. i've been teaching my little sister to tell them apart as well; she's gotten pretty good at it. i'm so proud. :)
Tegan <3
"And one of them needs to change their hair," suggested Drea Scarlotta, a visitor to the site, "or at least part it the other way."
Hahaha!
Love it
Maybe it's bc i have been a
Maybe it's bc i have been a hardcore fan the last 2 years, but i find is VERY easy to tell tegan and sara apart.
Sara has a stronger jaw bone then tegan
sara is wearing the red sweater in the picture too
In the beginning
In the beginning (when I first found out about Tegan and Sara, it was really hard for me to tell them apart. But now...I know.
But i have to say that in some pictures where they have almost the same hair cut or some picture from when they were younger I stil can't tell them apart. But only SOME pictures!!!!
And I also have to say that I think Sara is cuter!!!! :)
All about tegan!
Tegan all the way, and I'm fairly positive she's on the left.
------------------------------------------------
"...As in a woman? As are you a woman? So you mean you two are lesbifriends?"
And you would be positively
looove me some
looove me some t&s.
and i think it's prefectly okay and acceptable for even the biggest fans to not always be able to tell them apart at first glance. they do change their hair quite often!
I don't get it when people
yes,
Tegan from Sara
Tegan <3
its very easy to tell them apart.
Tegan is the hotter one ;)
oi vey
i think it's incredibly easy to tell the quin twins apart.
both of them are gorgeous of course, but Tegans got a wider face/jaw. and as of now, the longer hair. they smile differently to. Sara shows more teeth
haha i looove fake gay
haha i looove fake gay news!
Tegan is clearly the hottest one...and they are really not that similar.
Tegan is hotter, but they
Tegan is hotter, but they both are hot and I can easily tell them apart too.
Autostraddle!
There was an article in Autostraddle, written by Karmendcastro about seeing Tegan and Sara live. Anywyas, she made a joke about not being able to tell Tegan and Sara apart and she was talking about how people flipped out about it.
Honestly, it took me like 4 or 5 months to decipher it and to start seeing the differences. Sometimes I think some people photoshop their pictures so they cut out a lot of the differences.
~Might paint something I might want to hang here someday,
Might write something I might want to say to you someday,
Might do something I'd be proud of someday.
Mark my words, I might be somet
I Love Fake Gay News
I just love Fake Gay News.
I'm still laughing over "Twordy".
Please keep this coming, it is one of the best things on Afterellen.
Jill
Fake Gay News>>
"The Subversion of Heteronormative Gender Roles By Radical Feminism."
GENIUS!!
LOL!!!!
How can you not tell Tegan
How can you not tell Tegan and Sara apart? Tegan is a little taller and talks more normally in interviews and Sara is more quiet and has a smaller face.
=]