Dorothy Snarker's blog

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird; it’s a plane! It’s — well, um, err — it’s definitely not Supergirl’s underwear. That’s right, the super gal is no longer going to show you her whale tail. Can I get an amen?

In June, DC Comics editor Matt Idelson made a simple, yet super declaration: “I never want to see Supergirl's panties again.”

And with that, Supergirl started wearing discrete red biker shorts under her skirt. The change in costume is the latest in a long and often inauspicious array of fashion choices for our superheroine.

While Superman has always worn the famous turquoise onesie and red underoos, Supergirl has largely flown around in a skirt. This of course poses an elemental problem: Dude, who flies in a skirt? And over the years, that skirt has gotten shorter and shorter, as has her top.

If the phrase “You’re standing on my neck” means anything to you, I’m about to make your day, week and quite possibly year. Everyone’s favorite green-blazered teenage misanthrope is finally coming to DVD. The animated MTV series Daria is set to be released in 2010.

All you misery chicks out there, that unfamiliar emotion you’re feeling right now is pure, unadulterated joy. You might even feel like squealing and jumping up and down, this is normal — just don’t let anyone see you.

MTV has quietly announced the planned release of the series, which originally ran 1997-2002, in a single-screen promo that ran in front of the new DVD set for fellow former MTV series The State. No word yet on any particulars, or when in 2010 we can expect to hear that familiar dead-pan again.

Finally, Megan Fox has something to do other than run from robots and give inane interviews. The first trailer for Fox’s new high school horror flick, Jennifer’s Body, was released to ShockTillYouDrop.com today.

In the film, Fox plays a high school cheerleader possessed by a flesh-eating demon and then goes on a feeding frenzy among her classmates. The red band (i.e. naughty words and all) trailer was released online before the general, green trailer debuts theatrically this weekend in front of the film Bruno. Check it out (but, remember, it’s red for a reason).

Director Karyn Kusama, writer Diablo Cody and producer Jason Reitman explained the advance leak on ShockTillYouDrop.com:

Since she has already battled Dracula, it only makes sense that Buffy would turn her attention to the newest vamp on the block. And, just in case you were harboring any secret Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Twilight slash fantasies, Edward Cullen is more decidedly not her type.

AE reader notshane tipped us off that the funny folks at Rebellious Pixels have created a Buffy/Twilight mash-up for the ages that leaves no doubt who would be left standing if a certain vampire slayer every met a certain sparkly vampire.

The creators describe the video as “an example of transformative storytelling serving as a pro-feminist visual critique of Edward’s character and generally creepy behavior” as well as some of the “more sexist gender roles and patriarchal Hollywood themes embedded in the Twilight saga.”

In the annals of Tell Me Something I Don’t Already Know, the following headline could be Volume 1, Chapter 1: “Rachel Maddow, the New Sexy.” And all the lesbians in the room go, “Duh!”

But now, a new headline, cover photo and feature story in The Village Voice confirms what we all knew and held dear in our little gay hearts for the past year or more. Rachel Maddow is bringing sexy butch back. Not that sexy butch really went anywhere. But thanks to her visibility and popularity, a new, sexy brand of butch is enjoying a renaissance of sorts.

The article asserts that a more “fashion-conscious” butch has emerged that “differs markedly from her mullet-coiffed, man-hating predecessor.” Hmm, well, there may be a new, more high-polished butch (or futch, if you will – oh funny word mash-ups, what would we do without you?) around these days. But I certainly don’t think we should lump all the more old school butches in with the mullets and the man haters.

Whitney Houston apparently doesn’t believe that children are the future — or at least not the children of Glee. The pop diva has turned down a role as a rival choir director in the upcoming season of the new high school musical comedy.

As Whitney herself might say: Oh, hell to the no!

Still her loss is Eve’s (and our) gain. The hip-hop star has stepped in for the singer and will appear in a two episodes arc this fall. I’ve never seen the Barbershop movies, so I can’t comment on Eve’s acting, but she sure struts around impressively in her videos and has a role in the upcoming Ellen Page-Drew Barrymore collaboration Whip It!, so I’m sure she’ll do just great.

Still it’s hard to understand why Whitney wouldn’t wanna dance with somebody (had to do it) in the Glee crew.

The show has built incredible buzz since its premiere preview aired in May. Also Whitney has a new album coming out Sept. 1, her first in seven years, and the new season starts Sept. 16.

So you would think the two would go jazz-hand in jazz-hand together.

I am going to list a bunch of actresses and I want you to bring your own personal applause meter (in your head — or not depending on how cool you co-workers/schoolmates are) to bear. Are you ready? Here comes: Sigourney Weaver, Kristen Bell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kristin Chenoweth and Betty White.

Are you on your feet yet? Have you thrown roses? Very good, because those women are all exceptional and hilarious and worth chapping your palms for (in a totally not naughty way — or not). Well, what if I were to say they were all going to be in the same movie, together, cranking the female awesome factor to 11?

I’ll take that roar as your approval.

Sure, it’s a little too early to call for an encore, but the assembled female cast for the new Disney comedy You Again certainly peaks the interest and ups the anticipation. The story revolves around a girl (Bell) who returns home only to find out her brother is marrying her arch nemesis and chief tormentor from high school (Cloverfield’s Odette Yustman) and sets about to stop the nuptials.

Apparently, you just can’t keep a good vampire slayer down. Rumors surfaced this week that Buffy the Vampire Slayer might come back from the dead, so to speak, in a new animated television series. A writer at TV Overmind reported that one if his friends, who he declined to name, is helping to produce a new Buffy series with Joss Whedon’s blessing.

The details are sketchy and the source is completely unconfirmed, so take it all with a grain of salt (I prefer mine on the rim of a margarita). Still, even the rumor of a new Joss-approved Buffy incarnation is exciting. And, no, we are not going to talk about that Joss and Scooby-less movie abomination that is also in the works.

Of course, this isn’t the first time Buffy got animated. Back in 2002, Fox greenlit a cartoon series featuring all of the original cast (minus Sarah Michelle Gellar) voicing their characters and a pilot was shot. But then the plug got pulled before it ever aired. Last August, a promo clip from the pilot was leaked. Looks like we missed out on some great, quippy action.

In a world where a human’s mind can be erased and reprogrammed with an infinite number of personalities, you’d think at least one of them would turn out to be gay, right? Well, Dollhouse fans, your wait for its big gay moment may soon be over.

Series star Eliza Dushku told MTV blog Hollywood Crush that a there would definitely be storylines following gay and lesbian characters in the show’s second season. Can I get a hell yeah?

Eliza also dropped more hints about both the new season and the first season’s elusive, unaired thirteenth episode. The latter, she said, takes place in a post-apocalyptic world showing what the Dollhouse “can and would evolve to.” Also, expect the return of doll-gone-demented Alpha (Alan Tudyk) and the possibility of a appearance by fellow Whedonverse alum Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, Castle).

You’re going to want to make sure your couch is in optimal working condition the last two weeks in September. Why? Because Fox has announced the premiere dates for its new season and you’ll probably be glued to your couch to see the network’s slate of returning hits.

The festivities kick off with back-to-back So You Think You Can Dance and Glee starting at 8 p.m. Wednesday, Sept. 16. I don’t give a hoot about who can or can’t cut a rug but I’m filled with the aforementioned emotion about Glee’s return. It borders on cruel how Fox is making us wait and wait for fresh episodes after debuting the delightful anti-High School Musical musical’s premiere episode in May. You can yell at me through a bullhorn anytime you want, Jane Lynch.

The premiereapolooza continues at 8 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 17 with a fantastic one-two night of forensic fun as Bones and Fringe. To have Emily Deschanel and Anna Torv follow each other is almost too much hot smart gal crime solving for one night. Almost.

True story: I joined Twitter to follow Tina Fey. In January I had read that she was on Twitter and in my haste to worship at the alter of Fey-minism, I didn’t get around to checking out whether Tina was really Tina. Alas, she was not. Instead it was just some Big Mac-loving huckster who Tina herself acknowledged was fairly funny, but totally fake. Gullibility, 1. Ms. Snarker, 0.

So imagine my elation now that it seems the real Tina has reclaimed her account, @tinafey. Granted, she hasn’t posted a single tweet yet. I realize my excitement about someone who has yet to use even one of her 140 characters may seem premature. But now you see the levels of my obsession devotion.

So, what will Tina tweet? I would love it if she joined the chorus of celebrities criticizing the California court’s recent upholding of Prop. 8. Baring that she could always go with one of her 30 Rock-spawned catchphrases: “I want to go to there.” “That’s a dealbreaker, ladies.” “Workin’ on my night cheese.” But that would seem so oddly self-aggrandizing.

Are you ready for the best potential pairing since peanut butter met jelly? Summer Glau might be joining Eliza Dushku in the Dollhouse.

[Leaves appropriate times for squeals of delight]

And, we’re back.

Dollhouse mastermind Joss Whedon confirmed that he is working on a way to bring the Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles star over to his alternate universe now that her series has been cancelled. As he told Michael Ausiello of EW.com:

If anybody thinks [bringing Summer onto Dollhouse] hasn’t occurred to me already then they have not met me. I mentioned it to her before [SCC] was canceled. I was like, "You know, we should get you in the house." But first we have to come up with something that works.

Oh God, the awesome. Summer managed to bring unexpected soul to her tin woman in T:SCC. And her ass-kicking skills were, of course, epic. Combine that with Eliza and you have a kick-ass hotties smorgasbord.

So, let’s play a little game. What if I were to say there might be a new Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie? Oh my God, jumping up and down, squealing. What if I were to say Sarah Michelle Gellar wasn’t going to be in it? Disappointment, worry, though maybe hope if the other Scoobies were involved. What if I were to say none of the TV cast was included? Wait, what? What if I were to say Joss Whedon wasn’t even a part of it? Expletive deleted.

Now imagine those aren’t hypothetical questions and you have the strange reality facing every Buffy fan. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the franchise could be in for a reboot minus all the parts we know and love. The new Buffy movie that would be a “remake or relaunch” à la the new Star Trek film. Weird, I’m struck with the sudden urge to stab something with a pointy object.

Director Fran Rubel Kuzui and her husband, Kaz Kuzui, have held the rights to Buffy since the original 1992 movie starring Kristy Swanson and Luke Perry. They worked with Joss on the film and retained executive producer credits throughout the TV series. Now Kuzui has teamed with the producers behind the American remakes of Asian hits like The Ring and The Grudge, to “restart the story line without trampling on the beloved existing universe created by Whedon.”

Olivia Wilde has a new title. Sure, she is already an actress, princess (yes, princess – more on that later) and professional player of bisexual hotties. She can now add president, CEO and founder of the Save the Mountain Ox Society. Well, at least, that’s what she told GQ.

The House star earned the title, which apparently comes with an in-home jungle gym, with her response to Megan Fox’s earlier proclamation in the same magazine that Olivia was so sexy she “makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.” Olivia’s reaction:

I came into my trailer at House the morning after that article came out and one of our writers had done an illustration on my mirror of a mountain ox saying, ‘Save me, save me. Please, Olivia, make out with Megan!’ ” Though Wilde is a little skeptical of the recent girl-crush fad, she’s always willing to pitch in for a cause: “Of course, anything I can do to save the mountain ox, I’m happy to do.”

You see, this is how you get more people interested in animal rights. I’m getting a mental picture, I’m getting a mental picture. How about a gratuitous visual aid?

The alphabet network unveiled its new fall slate and it’s filled with cougars and witches and aliens, oh my. ABC’s new fall and midseason lineup of scripted shows includes six dramas and four comedies. These freshmen series will join the network’s established hits like Grey’s Anatomy and Lost and returning comedies like Castle and Better Off Ted.

A peek into the slate shows several large ensemble casts and a few big name stars. But are there any hits? Well, let’s take a look.

Cougar Town: 9:30 p.m. Wednesdays
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Courtney Cox returns to comedy in this new series about “a recently divorced single mother exploring the honest truths about dating and aging in our beauty and youth obsessed culture.”

Leave it to Ellen DeGeneres to mention graduation, tequila, fleas, gays, beads, Hurricane Katrina and Lady Gaga in the same speech. The talk show host gave the keynote address at the Tulane University commencement ceremony last weekend. The result was one of the funniest addresses at a common cement (that’s make sense in a minute) I can remember.

Ellen addressed the 2,000 members of Tulane’s “Katrina Class,” students who were freshmen when the hurricane devastated New Orleans and closed the school. She also made a brief surprise appearance at the Tulane commencement ceremonies in 2006, the first graduation after the horrific storm hit. This time around she joined honorary degree recipient Harry Connick Jr. as the honored celebrity guests at the event. Ellen’s talk was equal parts funny, serious, touching and memorable.

Oh, where to start? From her first greeting to the robe-clad graduate (“Look at you. Usually when you're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up.”) to recounting of the bittersweet story behind her the famous “phone call to God” joke that landed her on The Tonight Show (“Why is she suddenly gone and there are fleas here?”) and jokes about being gay (“When you’re older, most of you will be gay.”) it was all priceless.

Chuck? Saved. Dollhouse? Activated for another season. Cold Case? Very warm. Better Off Ted? Much better than dead. Yes, the television gods were indeed benevolent this weekend with news that several on-the-bubble shows were renewed for another season.

I feel like leaving offerings in front of my TV in thanks in particular for the return of Yvonne Strahovski and Eliza Dushku. Both actresses play strong, complex, kick-ass central female characters who help make the television landscape richer and more interesting. Also, they both look really hot in leather.

Of course, all the news wasn’t good for in limbo series. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was officially terminated meaning no more weekly doses of Lena Headey or Summer Glau. Amber Tamblyn’s freshman crime drama, The Unusuals, received unusually low ratings and didn’t get a second season. And it looks like the missing persons drama Without a Trace might disappear itself. Plus, don’t forget the previously announced axing of Life and Pushing Daisies. Oh, Olive Snook, I think I’ll miss you most of all.

In its 72 years of making animated movie musicals, Disney has featured Sleeping Beauties, Snow Whites, Little Mermaids, lions, tramps and bears. But it has never made a movie about a black princess, or any black lead character for that matter. Into that void comes The Princess and the Frog, due out in December. Finally the mouse is reaching out to a segment of the population it has shamefully ignored for decades. So cheers all around, right?

Um, well, do you have a second?

At its face, the concept for The Princess and the Frog seems alright. Set in New Orleans, the fairy tale follows Princess Tiana (voiced by Dreamgirls star Anika Noni Rose) as she encounters a frog purporting to be a prince who asks for a kiss to break the amphibious spell. It certainly looks gorgeous with its hand-drawn 2D animation and lush setting. But then I watched the trailer.

[NOTE: The trailer contains a key spoiler for the film, as will the rest of the discussion of the movie. Don’t blame me, blame Disney.]

OK, so Princess Tiana kisses the frog and then turns into a frog herself? According to reports, she stays a frog for a good chunk of the movie. So, let me get this straight, instead of seeing Disney’s first and only black princess on screen we see a green, hoppy frog? I know it’s not easy being green but this is ridiculous.

Megan Fox always makes me think of the Sound of Music. No, not in an adorable Austrian children or despicable Nazis or drapes turned into jaunty jumpers way; in a “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria” way. As in, how do you solve a problem like Megan Fox?

What’s the problem exactly? Well, to look at her, nothing. Duh. (She’s not AfterEllen.com Hot 100 hottie No. 32 for nothing.) But then sometimes when she starts talking my head involuntarily becomes acquainted with my desk. Like, say, when she tells Esquire magazine:

I think people are born bisexual and then make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society. I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I'm also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.

Wait, um, wait – what? Well, I give her five points for recognizing the inherent hypocrisy in her own statement. But then I’m going to have to deduct 10 for her bizarre somewhat self-directed biphobia. I repeat, um, what?

Some imaginary animated characters have all the luck. In last night’s episode of The Simpsons, pacifier-loving, speaking-adverse baby Maggie found her voice. And that voice was Jodie Foster (who also happens to be AfterEllen.com Hot 100 hottie No. 39). See what I was saying about lucky?

The two-time Oscar winner voiced Maggie in fantasy sequence imagining the tiny tot as a budding female Howard Roark from Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead. Little Maggie as a rugged individualist? As Lisa worries: “Mom, isn’t that book the bible of right-wing losers?”

But, really, who cares what she’s espousing; she sounds like Jodie Foster. And in her grown-up incarnation she also looks a lot like Jodie, too, circa The Accused.

Dear Romantic Comedies,

I am writing to let you know it’s over; I’m breaking up with you. While I regret the impersonal nature of this missive, I feel it is imperative to let you know as soon as possible to not create any ambiguity or false hope. We are through.

And it's not me, it's totally you. You see, the thing is you suck.

After viewing your latest trailers for Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, The Proposal, Management and The Ugly Truth, I can take it no longer. What started as a mild irritation with you has grown into a full-blown disgust. You’ve become awful, seriously, eye-gaugingly bad.

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Of course, it didn't always use to be this way — we used to have so much fun together. There was heat, humor and heart. And let’s not forget the pulse-quickening, spine-tingling romance. At your best you made me swoon, you really did.

Women and food — if there are two better reasons to live they absolutely escape me at this moment. So then imagine my delight at the new film Julie & Julia, starring Meryl Streep, Amy Adams and the culinary genius of Julia Child.

The movie based on a book based on a blog tells the two true stories of both New Yorker Julie Powell (played by Amy) and her inspiration the famed and arguably first celebrity chef Julia Child (played by Meryl). The trailer features some of the most delicious scenery chewing I’ve seen from Meryl in ages.

While still far too few folks watch the fantastically funny series Chuck, it’s heartening to know that at least you’ve notice its star Yvonne Strahvoski. The Australian beauty makes her first appearance on the AfterEllen.com's Hot 100 list this year. Though, I think it might have been illegal if she didn't. I mean, look at her.

The relative unknown landed the starring role as Agent Sarah Walker in 2007. Since then she mixed winsome and lethal like no other as the handler and (and maybe love interest) for geeky, hapless CIA operative Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi). Have I mentioned that she looks good in a tank top?

Yvonne had made Sarah kickass yet conscientious, cool yet caring, sweet yet steely. Fans of the show have started a Save Chuck campaign to ensure the show gets a third season. Seriously, why aren’t you watching Chuck, again?

If you do only two things tonight, please let them involve Agent Sarah Walker and a footlong sandwich from Subway. Wait, stay with me. I know that sounds strange and/or possibly illegal in 23 of the contiguous United States. But it is guaranteed to a) be enjoyable and b) possibly make a difference.

You see, the critically adored, ratings challenged NBC spy-comedy-drama-romance-geekopolooza Chuck airs its season finale tonight. So as part of a grassroots Save Chuck campaign, its loyal viewers are all encouraged to buy a Subway footlong sandwich today to enjoy while watching the show. It all makes sense and/or sounds considerably less kinky now, right?

Subway has been prominently featured in product placement on the show, so the campaign seeks to both reward the franchise and show solidarity to the network. Admittedly, I came almost tragically late to this series. For far too long I resisted the obvious allure of its kickass star Yvonne Strahovski despite the incessant screaming of “Watch! Watch! Watch!” from the likes of StuntDouble and The Linster.

If video killed the radio star, then maybe Photoshop killed the beautiful star. You see, as I've argued again and again and again and again and again and again (trend: I’ve spotted one), excessive Photoshopping is seriously damaging our perception of beauty. How can we mere mortals ever feel beautiful if even the beautiful people aren’t beautiful enough? Well, to that all I can say is vive la France!

This month’s issue of the French Elle magazine is devoted to “Stars Sans Fards,” which translates to stars without makeup. But, really, it means stars completely as is — no makeup, no Photoshop, no airbrushing, nada. That cool breeze you just felt was the breath of fresh air this photoshoot just exhaled all over the fashion industry. Posing for the three covers were European stars Monica Bellucci, Eva Herzigova and Sophie Marceau.

Granted, all these women are astronomically gorgeous to begin with. They’re big winners in the genetic lottery and certainly have other advantages including personal trainers, chefs and the like. But to see them stripped of the normal trappings of glamour only enhances their beauty for me.