Dorothy Snarker's blog

If you lived through the late '80s, it’s hard not to have a soft spot for Winona Ryder. Little Noni with her pixie haircut and her big eyes, her pale skin and her goth before goth was even a thing sensibilities. Ten years have passed since her last big splash in the movies with Girl, Interrupted. Since then she has still worked steadily, though often in smaller roles and less high-profile pieces. And she has kept largely to herself and often shunned the spotlight.

So it was great to read her take on her own life now in the new BlackBook interview to promote her upcoming film The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. For a person who doesn’t give interviews all that often, she sure gives great copy.

On why her career has slowed:

Whatever you do, don’t call Kate Winslet a liar. Yesterday the Oscar winner won a lawsuit in British courts against the Daily Mail, which claimed she had lied about her workout regime, or lack thereof.

The lawsuit came after the Daily Mail published an article earlier this year titled “Should Kate Winslet win an Oscar for the World’s most irritating actress?” The story featured shots of her naked in films to dispute an earlier statement she has made about going easy on herself and not working out during award season.

In a statement about the lawsuit Kate said: “I strongly believe that women should be encouraged to accept themselves as they are, so to suggest that I was lying was an unacceptable accusation of hypocrisy.”

Hey, do you like aliens? What if the aliens are really hot? And what if the really hot aliens are being investigated by the really hot Elizabeth Mitchell? Ah-ha, now I have your full attention.

The new alien-invasion series V premieres at 8 p.m. tonight on ABC, bringing with it critical acclaim and the return of Elizabeth’s arched eyebrows. Consider me sold. Also selling me? The first nine minutes which were released as a preview by ABC.

Talk about your shift change. Law & Order: Criminal Intent is getting an overhaul and then some as its adds bisexual actress Saffron Burrows and Oscar-nominated actress Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio to its upcoming ninth season.

The new cast members come in the wake of the departure of four series regulars: original stars Vincent D’Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe along with Eric Bogosian and Julianne Nicholson. Jeff Goldblum will be the only remaining principal cast member.

Nicholson’s Det. Megan Wheeler is being replaced by Burrows, who will be Goldblum’s new partner. Mastrantonio, meanwhile, will become the first female captain for the Major Case Squad, taking over for Bogosian.

Christmas is coming early for Bones fans — both literally and figuratively. The rumored Deschanel sister pairing is actually happening, in fact it has already been filmed for the show’s Christmas episode to air Dec. 10. This will mark the first time Emily and Zooey Deschanel will appear on screen together.

Zooey will appear as Margaret Whitesell, a distant relative to big sister Emily’s Dr. Temperance Brennan. According to Zap2It, Brennan’s father (Ryan O'Neal) invited Margaret to spend Christmas with him and Brennan in an episode titled “The Goop on the Girl.” In the episode, Booth and Brennan investigate the explosive death of a man in a Santa suit during a bank robbery. I hope for Zooey’s sake she isn’t the girl with said goop, because — you know — ewww.

Last week, series creator Hart Hanson tweeted about Zooey’s appearance saying: “The Deschanel sisters working it together! We may have hit our quotient for fun and amusing. They obviously adore each other.”

Please be forewarned, this recap will include in no specific order: Padma Lakshmi, Natalie Portman and an inordinate amount of dick jokes. So, now that that’s out of the way, who wants to meet a movie star?

The chefs are at the house sharpening their knives — quite literally in Mike V’s case. Jen is beating herself up and Robin is just lucky to still be there. So off to the Top Chef kitchen they go to find Padma with guest judge Paul Bartolotta, an award-winning Italian chef. Padma is wearing yet another jumpsuit. Is she trying to single-handedly bring them back? Let me be the first to say, honey, no.

The TV Guide Quickfire Challenge (look, people, these products won’t place themselves) is for the chefs to each create a TV dinner inspired by a classic show. They draw knives to find out what must-see-TV they’re cooking about. They pull: Kevin, The Sopranos; Eli, Gilligan’s Island; Jen, The Flintstones; Robin, Sesame Street; Mike V, Cheers; Bryan, MASH and Mike I, Seinfeld.

Well, ladies, it’s our fearless leader Sarah Warn's last official day at the helm of AfterEllen.com, the big, boisterous boat she built to shepherd lesbian and bisexual women through the often murky media waters. (Don’t fret too much though, she’ll still be hanging around writing her column and dropping by to say hi.) For seven and a half years Sarah has guided the coverage of every lesbian kiss sweeps stunt, every pregnant lesbian plot point and sundry other stories that mattered to queer women.

The community she helped to create is rich, diverse and — for many of us — an essential part of our everyday routine. So to help send her on her way, and possibly serenade her to some much-needed sleep, how about we share some of our favorite fond farewell scenes and songs.

I’ll start us off. Today, I’m climbing on my virtual desk to doff my cap to the lady who hired me two and a half years ago. Thanks, Sarah.

Listen up ladies — Lilith is back. The popular all-female music festival of the 90s is coming back in 2010. Thirteen years after Sarah McLachlan and her singing sisters first showed the world that women could roar and fill arenas, her Lilith Faith returns to remind us all over again.

The announcement was launched along with the festival’s new website, www.lilithfair.com. So far no artists have been confirmed, but the site includes links to Sarah’s Twitter feed and a free download to one of her songs, so we can only assume she’ll be part of the show.

The page does reveal the first set of cities (though no exact dates) that the festival will hit. They are: Atlanta, Boston, Calgary, Chicago, Dallas, Denver, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Montreal, New York, Philadelphia, Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, Toronto, Vancouver, Washington, D.C. and for you European ladies London.

If you’ve been waiting anxiously to catch your first glimpse of repression, lust and Eva Green in an all-girls boarding school drama Cracks, wait no more. The first poster and trailer for the new film were released this week. While it looks gorgeous, the tagline certainly raises an eyebrow: “Innocence isn’t lost. It’s taken.” Uh-oh.

Eva stars as the popular, enigmatic Miss G, a teacher and diving coach at an elite English boarding school during the summer of 1934 who is adored by her students. Previous reports about the film has raised hopes a lesbian relationship, but the trailer suggests something more sinister.

We all already know that Keira Knightley is a fair lady, but now she is the Fair Lady. The 24-year-old English actress has landed the role of Eliza Doolittle in the new remake of the Academy Award-winning 1964 musical, My Fair Lady.

The original film, based on the Broadways smash, starred Audrey Hepburn as Cockney flower girl Eliza and Rex Harrison as the prickly, precise professor Henry Higgins. Keira reportedly beat out Scarlett Johansson for the iconic role. Other than Natalie Portman, it’s hard to think of another young actress who could possibly attempt to take Audrey’s place.

And this news just keeps getting better. The script is being written by — get this — Oscar-winner Emma Thompson. Yes, that Emma Thompson. Directing will be Joe Wright, who grew accustomed to Keira’s face when he directed her in 2005 adaptation of Pride & Prejudice. And James Bond himself, Daniel Craig, is being considered for the role of Professor Higgins. Wow, that’s some lineup.

Out handball champions Gro Hammerseng is appearing in new ads for Inex watches. The Norwegian Olympic champion, and partner to teammate Katja Nyberg, models the timepieces in a series of ads for the watch company. (Hat tip, Astrid!)

The pairing makes sense, since handball is all about timing, precision and accuracy. Also, who wouldn’t want to buy a watch from this lady?

It also got me thinking about other out women who use their star power to sell stuff. Ellen DeGeneres is easy, breezy for Cover Girl. Martina Navratilova famously drives a Lesbaru Subaru. And we all know how much Leisha Hailey loves yogurt.

In case you haven’t noticed, the world has come down with a severe case of Glee. They’re on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. They’ve snagged Joss Whedon to direct an episode. Sue Sylvester even picked a Twitter fight with Chuck Norris. (She kicked his bearded butt, naturally.)

Now, even Madonna is a Gleek.

The Material Girl has granted the freshman phenomena the rights to her entire musical catalogue. An all-Madonna musical episode is in the works for early next year. As if the show could get any gayer.

Yes, this season has been somewhat lackluster. Yes, the cheftestants’ personalities range from bland to that’ll do, pig. Yes, all of Team Rainbow has already been summarily dismissed. But Jennifer just walked by in a bikini so for the time being all is forgiven.

Also, it’s Restaurant Wars week, bitches! But first, we have to make it through the Quickfire Challenge. Sustainable foods specialist Rick Moonen is the guest judge and for a change the producers’ cockamamie challenge ideas actually works.

Padma explains that the chefs will split into teams of four to tag team cook a meal in 40 minutes. The catch? Each chef will cook a 10-minute segment of the meal. The even bigger catch? They can’t talk to each other and the waiting chefs will be blindfolded until it is their turn. Kevin call it “the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of, ever.” I agree. And then as I watch it unfold I change my assessment to “ridiculously genius.”

Well, crap. After reassuring fans that it would air all 13 second season episodes, Fox has decided to bench Dollhouse for all of November during the all-important sweeps month. The Eliza Dushku/Joss Whedon collaboration will then return with back-to-back episodes Fridays in December.

That’s quite a body blow to the series. Baring a ratings miracle, this means for all intents and purposes that the series will end for good after that 13th episode. Pulling the show for sweeps is a big deal and shows a total lack of confidence in its ability to bring in viewers. It will replace the show with reruns of House and Bones.

The thing that makes this news especially bittersweet is that the series was just getting good — really, really good. Last week’s episode, “Belle Chose,” was the best of the second season. And judging by early reviews, this Friday’s installment “Belonging” is even better.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then how much is a picture by Jennifer Beals worth? Is it worth a thousand words plus a sippy cup? The actress released a preview of her new photography book as one of the extras in The L Word Season 6 DVD set.

The final season set came out yesterday and with it came a behind-the-scenes look at the series through Jennifer’s lens. She calls the images a “photographic journal” taken to help her preserve and remember the time she spend on the show, from rehearsals to dinners and photoshoots. She also saved her scripts, call sheets and other moments, some which will also make their way into the book.

Jennifer wrote in a prologue to the preview, “Mostly, I wanted to remember the joy, because no matter where the storylines went, we always managed to have fun.”

Sometimes worlds collide in a bad way. Like when you accidentally send your grandma a particularly naughty text meant for the girl you’ve been flirting with at work. Not that that’s happened to me — nope, not ever. But sometimes worlds collide in a fantastic way, like the news that Dollhouse mastermind Joss Whedon will direct an episode of Glee.

First, let’s get the squealing out of the way. Let it all out. Jump up and down. Break into spontaneous song and choreographed dance moves. You know, whatever your preferred way of celebrating great news.

Now that you’ve stopped hyperventilating, here is the skinny: Joss will “direct one of the back nine episodes that Fox just ordered” when they picked up the freshman series for a full season. This will probably happen sometime after Dollhouse finishes shooting its initial 13-episode order, so it doesn’t mean fans of that show should necessarily freak out.

Just when you thought the fashion industry could not get more out of touch with real human beings comes news that the model Ralph Lauren Photoshopped into a stick figure was fired for being too big. You know, because having a waist larger than your head is just too damn porky to sell overpriced clothes. Here is the fatty McFatterson model Filippa Hamilton herself, less than a year ago.

And here is how Ralph Lauren Photoshopped her into oblivion recently, a move they then apologized for publicly.

But, turns out the 23-year-old model, who has worked for the company since she was 15, was fired in April and her agent told that she “could not fit in the clothes anymore.” At 5’8, 120 pounds I would say most women would have problems fitting into Filippa’s clothes, but because they are too tiny not because she is too huge.

When Oprah tells us to read a book, we run to bookstore. So now when Oprah tells us to watch a movie, will we all now run to the multiplex? The media mogul appears in a new trailer for the film Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire.

The movie, based on the novel Push by bisexual writer Sapphire, has racked up awards and critical acclaim already. But with a newcomer as its star and a its big-name cast in somewhat unglamourous roles, Oprah and fellow executive producer Tyler Perry are putting their considerable muscle behind the marketing push.

The chefs are all regrouping after the untimely PYKAGing of our little chefbian Ashley. Mike V assures himself that even though he was in the bottom, “Babe Ruth struck out once or twice in his career.” So, you know, he’s being quite humble with his comparisons. Meanwhile 25-year-old Eli and 43-year-old Robin are pictures of contrast. The latter is doing pilates on the lawn, one of her rituals since her cancer diagnosis. The former is talking about how he still lives with his parents and loves it because “I don’t pay rent.” Maturity, meet Moocher.

In the Top Chef kitchen Padma greets them with kicky white boots and a crazy white belt. Was this the week she found out about the proverbial bun in her oven and this belt was some sort of overcompensation to keep it secret? In which case, way to draw even more attention to your midsection, honey. But I digress. Standing with her and her belt is also American chef Charlie Palmer.

Turns out both the Voltaggio Brothers have worked for Chef Palmer in the past, but he promises that he will remain “completely impartial.” I, however, made no such promise and will say that Chef Palmer’s mustache looks a little scruffy — like it aspired to be but couldn’t quite pull off the full Magnum P.I.

Padma tells the gang that the Quickfire Challenge is to pair foods with Alexia snacks. No word on whether the Glad family of products and GE Monogram collection were jealous at this week’s gratuitous plug. Perhaps Toyota Highlander can take them for a ride to comfort them, poor dears.

Break out your night cheese and party like it’s sandwich day. 30 Rock is back, baby. The threepeat best comedy Emmy winner returns for its fourth season tonight on NBC. I’d say that’s reason to celebrate, wouldn’t you, Tina?

Now, in my book anything that brings Tina Fey into my living room on a regular basis is reason enough to rejoice. But since its debut in 2006, the critically adored, ratings-challenged show has been one of the most consistently funny half hours on TV.

But, look, you don’t have to take my word for it. Critics across America are singing the praises of the new season.

The Dollhouse has been saved, sort of. Fox has promised to air all the 13 second season episodes it ordered so far of the Eliza Dushku series. So the rumors of Dollhouse’s early and untimely demise seem to have been put to rest for now.

First, yay! Second, no really, yay! The complicated, mind-boggling (and erasing) universe that Joss Whedon has built has been a slow starter both seasons. But those who continue to stick with the show are rewarded with better and better episodes. Last week’s installment, “Belle Chose,” was the best of the new season and one of the best in the series’ runs, deftly combining the scary and the funny and the truly creepy together.

Fox scheduling chief Preston Beckman told The Hollywood Reporter that they would air all the episode despite the show’s low ratings: “We're not saying we’re happy with those numbers, or accept them, but we don’t have to overreact ... Hopefully we’ll see the overnight ratings increase from week to week. With some shows, you have to look at the bigger picture.”

We all know the stereotypes about lesbian break-ups: You either can’t make it stick the first time (or the second or fourth or twelfth time), you end up dating each other’s exes next and/or you turn into best friends. Cherry Jones and Sarah Paulson seem to be headed firmly for the latter category. Newly-minted Emmy winner Cherry confirmed to Us Weekly that the pair had split, but that it was “the happiest break-up” ever.

The couple had been together since 2005, when which went public when Cherry thanked “Laura Wingfield” — Sarah’s character in “The Glass Menagerie” — during her Tony Awards acceptance speech. It was her Emmy acceptance speech last month that signaled their break up to the public too, when Cherry omitted Sarah in her thank yous. She said it was a conscious decision they talked about before the show.

As she told Us Weekly:

I know enough to know that if I had just said her name, the rest of the night that’s all anybody from the press would have asked me about. Sarah understood, and we talked about it … I just wanted to keep it focused on my family.

Sure, Washington D.C. had most of the action this weekend what with President Obama’s big gay speech on Saturday and the big gay march on Sunday. But the West Coast represented this weekend as well at the GLSEN Respect Awards in Los Angeles which honored, among others, Grey’s Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes.

The event featured a hodge-podge of celebrity appearances including Shonda’s Grey’s stars Sara Ramirez and Chandra Wilson and Private Practice star Paul Adelstein. Sara had plenty to say about Calzona, most which will thrill fans.

In red carpet interview, Sara put to rest any further discussion of a Callie/McSteamy rehook-up this season. According to E! Online it is the No. 1 asked about coupling by fans this season. Um, not by its queer fans. Apparently E! Online doesn’t have a very big gay contingent.

Welcome back to my TV, finally, Lorelai! OK, fine, so she won’t be playing Lorelai Gilmore. But Lauren Graham is coming back to TV as the replacement for Maura Tierney in the upcoming NBC series Parenthood.

Lauren finalized a deal on Friday to take over for Maura, who left the production to undergo treatment for breast cancer. Helen Hunt has been in talks to take over the part earlier, but they fell through. So Lauren stepped into the role of Sarah, a single mom raising two teens who moves back with her parents in Berkeley.

Photoshopping in the fashion industry usually falls into one of two categories: 1) the fixing of small imperfections 2) the wholesale creation of fictitious images. Sometimes the differences are subtle. Sometimes they just really, really aren’t. Take, for example, this recent Ralph Lauren ad.

Right, so unless the laws of physics have somehow been circumvented, I don’t think there is any possible way a model’s head can be wider than her hips. In fact, her ankles may even be larger than her waist. While the model in question, Filippa Hamilton, is indeed skinny, she isn’t a circus sideshow.

Check her out in another Ralph Lauren ad looking more like an actual human being.

After first demanding various websites take down the image (which, by the way, is perfectly permissible to post under the rules of fair use “for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting.”), Ralph Lauren issued an apology yesterday for the image: