Julia Miranda's blog

Comedian Julia Sweeney, or It's Pat as she is known to SNL fans, is writing a pilot about famed food critic Gael Greene.

Julia Sweeney
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Gael Greene

The pilot is based upon the critic’s best-selling memoir Insatiable: Tales from a Life of Delicious Excess about her encounters with New York restaurants and New York men. I’m guessing that the pitch is Sex and the City with the “Carrie” writing a food column instead of about sex.

Gale Grenne presenting an award at this year's Tribeca Film Fest

I have hopes for this show because I think Julia Sweeney is hilarious and Gael Greene is a great New York character. She’s brash and blunt and wears weird hats — all of which can be found in her tell-all book.

Christina Aguilera (or XTina, as I will always affectionately call her) is set to star in her first feature film, Burlesque. The plot centers around a small town girl who dreams of fame, fortune and, of course, burlesque dancing in Los Angeles. But XTina quickly learns that dreams don’t pay the bills — so she gets a day job as a stripper.

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I think this movie is destined for a Razzie, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. There are two types of horrible movies: the Gigli kind and the Showgirls kind. Gigli is horrible painful, Showgirls is horrible-hilarious.

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Burlesque has all of the ingredients that made Showgirls so wonderfully trashy — small town girl, stripping and dancing. Oh, and as an added bonus, the director of the movie is Steve Antin, brother of famed hairstylist Jonathan Antin of Blow Out, and Robin Antin who founded The Pussycat Dolls.

The Topp Twins are a huge hit in New Zealand. They starred in their own primetime show in the 1990s, The Topp Twins, and their country has dubbed them “a beloved cultural institution.” They were also recently inducted into the New Zealand Music Hall of Fame.

Why can’t America be this cool? Where are our regularly televised folk singing comedic lesbian twins?

A new documentary, Untouchable Girls, follows the twins, Jools and Lynda Topp, in their daily routine, which involves preparing for and playing gigs, much like another famous New Zealand duo, Flight of the Conchords. Like the Flight of the Conchords guys, the Topp Twins have a unique and adorable rapport that makes them instantly loveable. Hopefully with the release of the documentary, they will get more recognition internationally.

If you don’t like Pedro Almodovar movies, I don’t want to be your friend. It’s harsh and petty, but it’s true. Openly gay director Almodovar's movies are sexy, hilarious, ridiculous, brilliant, and quite often star Penelope Cruz — what’s not to love?

Fox Television Studios is hoping that American television audiences feel the same way I do. (If that were true, Fox, Arrested Development would still be on the air. Just saying.) The studio has brought the rights to one of Almodovar greatest films, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, and plans on turning the beloved film into a one hour drama series with former Grey’s Anatomy producer/writer Mimi Schmir at the helm.

I’m not sure if I’m excited about this news or not. Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown is a farce about a woman, her lover, his ex-wife, his son, his son’s fiancé, terrorists, poisoned gazpatcho, caged animals, and the film dubbing business. Awesome, right?

This year’s list of Pulitzer Prize winners and finalists includes a large number of women. Of course, like many women, I’m thrilled to hear this news, but another part of me is thrilled for what this will do for pop culture. What’s the connection you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.

Last weekend I went to see the new movie, State of Play, an entertaining thriller about D.C politics and journalism. In the movie, Russell Crowe plays a seasoned reporter who teaches a naive blogger (played by Rachel McAdams) the ropes of journalism.

While he schools Miss McAdams, he also lectures his boss, the uber sexy Helen Mirren, about journalistic integrity.

I enjoyed the movie and I liked Crowe’s character, but I kept thinking, why does Crowe have to be the teacher/wise reporter? Why can’t it be his boss, Helen Mirren, teaching him the ropes? Why when we see movies about news reporters, do we always see the seasoned male teaching the ambitious, but inexperienced, female reporter?

British plus-sized clothing company Evans is issuing a limited release Beth Ditto doll to promote their upcoming line designed by Ditto herself.

The doll is quite possibly the only other plus-sized and queer Barbie-esque doll ever created. The first, of course, was Rosie O'Donnell.

There’s been some controversy about the doll, with some critics saying that the doll slims down Ditto’s curves etc. And to that I say, it’s a doll, people. Dolls never really look like the people they’re attempting to replicate in tiny plastic form.

Like Friday the Thirteenth, 90210 and Melrose Place, the classic horror film Nightmare on Elm Street is being reincarnated. I have to admit, I’m kind of psyched.

Nightmare on Elm Street terrified the crap out of me when I was a kid. Truth be told, the original film, not the laughable sequels, still does. Freddy Krueger is an amazing villain and his mythology and terror have live long past the slumber parties of the 80s.

It makes sense that the studios would want to redo this classic given their recent success with Friday the Thirteenth. But the new one was nowhere near as scary or awesome as it should have been. I have higher hopes with for the new Nightmare on Elm Street primarily because of the cast. The whole movie hinges upon Freddy and I don’t think there’s an actor out there more capable of pathos and creepiness than Jackie Earl Haley. It’s brilliant casting and I think he’ll make an unbelievable Freddy, creating new layers of emotions and evil for the character.

Keisha Knight Pulliam will always be known to myself and people from my generation as Rudy Huxtable, the youngest of Bill Cosby's children on The Cosby Show.

Pulliam is going to be back on the little screen soon, however, as she is getting her own reality show on Oxygen.

The show, Keisha and Kaseem, will follow 30-year-old Keisha (yikes! I feel old) and her “entrepreneur” boyfriend Kaseem Penn, as they chase their dreams in Atlanta. Pulliam has maintained steady work as an actress in a few films, including Beauty Shop and Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail.

Forget Miss USA: Since 1972, British artist Andrew Logan has been holding The Alternative Miss World beauty pageant in London. The rules for the pageant are simple: There are no rules.

Contestants can be male, female, crossdressing or not even fully dressed — they just have to be fabulous.

The pageant originally started as a celebration of counterculture and homosexuality. Public displays of homosexuality and cross dressing had only been made legal in Britain a few years before the pageant, so Logan decided that a pageant would be a perfect forum to honor and showcase this burgeoning culture.

Over the years, the pageant has grown bigger in popularity, relevance, and I’m sure, budget. But, it’s nice to see that the basic principals of the pageant are still intact. On May 2, the 2009 Alternative Miss World competition will be held at London's Roundhouse.

Lupe Ontiveros has been acting regularly in high profile TV shows and movies since 1976. In all of those years, Ontiveros calculates that she’s played a maid 150 times.

Yes — 150.

Granted, many of those maid characters have been incredibly memorable characters. Take Ontiveros’ turn as the loveable and easily traumatized maid Roaslita in Goonies: Ontiveros was hilarious in the film, but still to play a maid over and over again is pretty insulting to an actress’ range and ethnicity.

Sarah Michelle Gellar, or Buffy Summers as she will always be known to me, is pregnant with her first child.

Sarah Michelle and her husband, Freddie Prinze Jr., have been married for six years and their child is due in the fall. Despite her pregnancy, Gellar plans to shoot an upcoming pilot for HBO, The Wonderful Maladys.

While I’m excited for Sarah Michelle about her baby, I must confess that whenever I hear that she’s doing a part that’s not a revival of Buffy, I get disappointed. What can I say? I miss Sunnydale. And six years later, I’m still not ready to move on. So sad (and somewhat pathetic) but so true.

A series of milk advertisements in Russia have caused an uproar on the internet with people denouncing the campaign and calling the images misogynistic. The ads consist of images of models wearing cowbells being splashed in a “seductive manner” by large quantities of a white substance that we are supposed to infer is milk.

After looking at the photos, there’s no doubt that they are misogynistic; but I have to confess, I think they’re also kind of hilarious. The photos are so over the top in their misogyny that it just made me chuckle.

And that chuckle, made me feel like a pin had just popped the campaign’s offensive bubble. I’m not saying I think this kind of advertisement should become a trend, I’m just saying that sometimes when things are this ridiculous, they don’t deserve your attention or protest.

Keeley Hawes, the actress that endeared herself to lesbian viewers across the world with her brilliant performance in Tipping the Velvet is the new star of Ashes to Ashes, the sequel to the BBC time traveling hit, Life on Mars.

Ashes to Ashes is in its second season in the UK but in the States, season one premiered last month on BBC America. In the show, Keeley plays a 21st century police psychologist named Alex Drake, who is catapulted back to 1981. In the '80s, she’s confronted with sexism and bad hair.

The amazing thing about Keeley Hawes is that you can do anything to her or her hair and she’ll still look amazing beautiful. Oh, and she gives great performances, too.

It looks like out bisexual actress Kristanna Loken can add another film to her long resume of truly awful movies — she has just signed on to star in Uwe Boll’s latest project, Janjaweed.

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This is not the first time that Loken and Boll have teamed up to make an unwatchable movie: Their first film together was Bloodrayne, the vampire film famous for having started a rumored relationship between Lokken and co-star Michelle Rodriguez.

Janjaweed is reportedly bout a group of intrepid American journalists confronting atrocities in Sudan. In Boll’s hands, I’m sure the film will feel like Blood Diamond meets Gigli.

The National Portrait Gallery in London commissioned a panel of 10 gay icons to pick 60 figures, gay or straight, who have inspired them and the community. The only rule was that the figures had to have been photographed (i.e. don’t pick William Shakespeare). The end result is an exhibit called "Gay Icons," which runs from this July through next October at the UK gallery.

The panel consisted of Waheed Alli, Alan Hollinghurst, Elton John, Jackie Kay, Billie Jean King, Ian McKellen, Chris Smith, Ben Summerskill, Sandi Toksvig and Sarah Waters.

Openly gay author Sarah Waters
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The resulting list is diverse and surprising. In the exhibit, there are portraits of Virginia Woolf, Ellen DeGeneres, k.d. lang, Will Young (winner of Britain’s Pop Idol) and Nelson Mandela.

The online version of the popular Hasbro board game The Game of Life now offers players a chance to opt for same-sex families.

This actually symbolizes a great turning point and victory in the gay rights movement. But, Julia, you say, it’s a board game for children! (And sometimes, drunken adults.) And to that I reply, precisely! Board games, fables, cartoons are how we as a society introduce children to our rules, morals and social norms. Ergo, two pink plastic figurines jammed into a plastic station wagon is a political statement as it shows children there is no difference between a straight couple and a gay one. Cool stuff, huh?

Also, on a personal note, I feel kind of validated. I can’t tell you how many times I was made fun of for putting two girls in the front of the wagon. But I insisted that this was the game of life, and I was simply reflecting mine. It’s nice to know that Hasbro feels the same way. I just hope they don’t use that same logic and make an extra-large wagon for the octo-mom.

Anne Hathaway is set to play gay icon Judy Garland in a movie about Garland’s turbulent life. The film, entitled Get Happy, doesn’t have a writer or director attached yet, but it’s based on the Gerald Clarke biography of the same name.

I think the choice of Anne Hathaway is perfect. She’s proved that she’s a versatile actress. She can be tough, funny and vulnerable. She’s also not afraid to play “unlikable” as seen by her stellar performance in Rachel Getting Married. Plus, you have to love anyone who was in Princess Diaries. Just saying.

So yeah, I’m psyched that she’s cast in the film, but I know there are going to be a lot of haters out there. I mean, it’s Judy Garland; it’s a lot to live up to.

In the latest issue of Vanity Fair, photographer Mark Seliger recreates scenes from the beloved 1961 musical classic West Side Story.

The end result, in my oh-so-humble opinion, is mixed. The images themselves are stunning: They are perfectly arranged and filled with vibrant colors. My problem is not with the photos themselves, so much as who’s in them: Camilla Belle and Jennifer Lopez.

Is this picky of me? Yes. Is this snotty of me? Most definitely. But remember, this is my oh-so-humble opinion. West Side Story. is one of my favorite movies so I don’t take recreations of it in any form lightly.

You too can dress like a Top Model! All you have to do is shop at Wal-Mart.

I suppose it was only a matter of time before America's Next Top Model attempted to capitalize on their brand and instant name recognition. I mean, with young women literally stampeding over each other to become Top Models, I guess it’s not too much of a stretch to think that these girls would fork over 10 bucks for an ANTM “Catwalk Tigers!” baseball T.

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Actually, I would fork over a lot more than $10 to watch an America’s Top Model Catwalk Tigers Softball game. Do you hear me CW? I smell a spinoff!

Actress Natalie Dormer, famous for her role as Anne Boleyn on The Tudors, just landed a new gig as an MI-5 agent on Fox’s drama pilot Masterwork.

And all I can say about that is: hot. British accent? Secret agent? Girls kicking ass? Sign me up!

We already know Natalie Dormer is gorgeous. I mean, she had to be in order to play Anne Boleyn. The woman was so sexy that the king of England took the world to the brink of chaos just to sleep with her. (Take that, Helen of Troy!) But aside from being stunning, Miss Dormer, in my humble opinion, is a legitimately good actress. Her performance in The Tudors was layered, complex and, um, hot.

In Masterwork, she’ll play an MI-5 agent who teams up with a male FBI agent on a globetrotting hunt for the world’s most sought after artifacts. Sounds very Indiana Jones meets Nick and Nora Charles — or for you Brangelina fans, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

I think it’s safe to say that for anyone familiar with the documentary Grey Gardens, HBO’s Grey Gardens will be one of, if not the most, anticipated cable movies of the year. (I know, it sounds weird and slightly confusing, but stay with me, it’s worth it.) The documentary tells the story of Edith Beale (Big Edie) and her daughter of the same name, referred to as Little Edie.

Former high-society dames, Edie and Edie live in a decrepit mansion on the East End of Long Island. They spend their days reminiscing about the past, like their times with their famous cousin, Jackie O, and singing songs from yesteryear as the walls around them literally crumble. They live in squalor and abject poverty but that doesn’t stop them from dancing or gossiping about 30-year-old cocktail parties as if they happened the night before. Their house is a caving cocoon of fading memories and failed dreams. The documentary is heartbreaking, touching, hilarious and endlessly fascinating.

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HBO’s Grey Gardens is a look at the women before, during and just after the filming of the documentary. It tells the story of just how these scions of society wound up so impoverished and so delusional. In the film, Jessica Lange plays Big Edie and Drew Barrymore plays Little Edie. Check out the promo HBO released last week.

The Powder and The Glory is a documentary about rival cosmetic pioneers Elizabeth Arden and Helena Rubinstein. 

Elizabeth Arden and Helena Rubinstein

The two may not have been friends, but in my mind, Elizabeth Arden and Helena Rubinstein were sisters in feminism. I’m sure there are those who would argue with me about this point. Critics might suggest that slingers of eyeliner shouldn’t be put in the same pantheon as the bra-burners. But I completely disagree. In my view, protest, and true feminism, is action. Action in your every day life, the simple act of your living your life the way you want to live it, despite the odds. And by that definition, these women were feminism personified. 

With her eponymous new perfume, Halle Berry joins a long list of celebrities hawking their scent. It annoys me when actors “branch out” into marketing or rapping (hi, Joaquin Phoenix). It always feels to me like a form of shameless self-promotion and an easy way to rake in some extra cash. If you need the money, why don’t you just do a couple of ads for gin and life insurance in Japan, like George Clooney or Charlize Theron:

But when celebrities ask me to pay them to drape myself in their linens and spray myself with their smell, I, quite frankly, get kind of creeped out. Who knows: Maybe for Halle Berry this isn’t self-promotion or a quick way to buy a hideaway in Barbados. Maybe perfume is a true passion of hers and she’s simply using her celebrity to help realize her olfactory dreams.

According to the press release, Halle took two years of "research and work to create a scent that evokes the beach and the spirit of a woman who is effortlessly sexy, stylish, and elegant.” Um, OK. It took you two years to figure out that you should just invite Jennifer Connelly to the Hamptons?

The Sarah Silverman Program just got a little gayer.

When Comedy Central asked Sarah Silverman and her fellow producers to slash their budget, they threatened to walk away, claiming the show simply could not be done on a smaller budget. Budgets typically increase year to year in television, but with the economy the way it is, networks across the board are asking their shows to cut where they can. For the most part, it’s 2 percent, but Comedy Central was asking for The Sarah Silverman Program, one of their highest-rated shows, to cut a lot more.

When Silverman and co. told Comedy Central that they were going to walk, the Comedy Central executives supposedly went into panic mode. I understand why: The show is a hit, it creates a lot of interest in the network in general, and it’s freaking hilarious. I mean, how many shows out there have plots that hinge upon a girl licking her dog’s butt to find out just why the dog loves doing it all the time?

But just when it looked like we would have to lose The Sarah Silverman Program, just like we lost Arrested Development, in came the gays to save the day. Logo offered to chip in with sister company Comedy Central and co-finance the budget.

In my oh so humble opinion, German director Max Farberbock made one of the only truly good lesbian movies: Aimee and Jaguar. (Sorry, Mango Kiss and Go Fish lovers.) So when I heard that he had a new film coming out, I got excited.

Unfortunately, the film doesn’t involve lesbians, but the main character is a woman and Mr. Farberbock is going back to Berlin in the 1940s, a world he captured so well in Aimee and Jaguar. While Aimee and Jaguar was set during the WWII, A Woman in Berlin takes place right after the war when the city is taken over by Russia’s Red Army.

The film is based on an anonymously written diary, that we now know was was written by journalist Marta Hillers. It detailed the terrors women faced at the hands of their Russian occupiers.

There is a lot of content out there about Berlin during the war, but there is very little out there about Berlin right after the war. Just recently, this has started to change with movies like The Reader, but for years, the horrors that the German people went through during their occupation failed to get recognized as it was overshadowed by the atrocities they committed with the Holocaust.