Val's blog

If precious metals are a safe bet in today's tumbling market, then you should put your money on Kate Moss. Sculptor Marc Quinn has captured her likeness in solid gold (a life-size statue called "Siren," now on display at the British Museum), and soon she's going to be immortalized on the silver screen as well. A group of Hollywood producers wants to make a movie about Moss and her Primrose Hill pals Sienna Miller, Sadie Frost, Rhys Ifans and company.

Apparently the filmmakers on board for this project are the same ones who brought us Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up and Superbad. Maybe it will end up being a crass comedy with a big heart and some doughy male nudity. But that's just a wild guess, so you can't hold me to it. Anyway, back to your investment. Let's take a look at the movie-friendly themes that the life of Kate Moss has to offer.

Overcoming adversity: For the most part, young ladies of short-to-average stature tend to cross "supermodel" off their list of potential careers. Yet Moss, a dwarf of a model at 5'6", is currently the second-highest paid model in the world (only the 5'11" Gisele Bundchen earns more), thus showing little girls everywhere that you don't have to be tall to be a model. Emaciated, yes, but not tall!

Look up "re-invention" in the pop culture dictionary and you'll see a picture of Madonna. For more than two decades, she has consistently dominated the Billboard charts, from her '80s-dance-pop debut Like a Virgin to the Timbaland-produced Hard Candy (2008). But she's done more than just sing: She's acted (winning a Golden Globe for Evita), published a book (a collection of photographs called Sex, if you were wondering), become a pseudo-Brit (first she picked up the fake accent; now she actually lives there), smooched Britney Spears, built an orphanage, adopted an African baby — you get the idea.

With that in mind, it's hard to imagine anything the woman hasn't done (besides sleep). But distressingly enough, there was a gap in her entertainment industry résumé: film director. Not a problem. Sometime this year, between recording tracks for her new CD, preparing for her tour and taking her kids to Kabbalah services, Madonna made a movie without anyone knowing it. It's called Filth and Wisdom, and the trailer has just been released.

What's that you say? You don't care? Oh, but Madonna directed it, and you've seen her music videos (fun for the whole family!). You've at least got to be curious. Go on, sneak a peek.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds tied the knot in a quiet little wedding last weekend. Both of the actors’ publicists confirmed that the intimate ceremony took place at a secluded resort in Reynolds’ native Vancouver. The two had been dating since 2007 and announced their engagement in May.

Johansson had been quoted as saying she wanted her wedding to be a private affair, so the sneakiness doesn’t come as a huge surprise. But even if the event itself was secret, we all know about it now and should therefore feel free to put in our two cents.

So in that spirit, I offer you the following imagined responses to the big news:

Alanis Morissette: So they went through with the whole wedding thing. Did it rain, by any chance?

Woody Allen: As I’ve said, Scarlett is “in no way my muse.” I am in no way affected by this wedding. My next screenplay will in no way feature a beautiful young actress who, dissatisfied with her marriage to some blockhead hunk, begins an affair with a charmingly neurotic writer and eventually leaves her husband to be with him.

Gwyneth Paltrow has decided to break into the world of online media ventures with the launch of GOOP, an inspirational “lifestyle” website for women. Well one thing’s for sure: If it’s anything like some of her acting ventures from recent memory (Shallow Hal, anyone?), it will be less-than-inspiring.

However, I’m a woman, and I’m open to the prospect of being inspired, so I figured I should at least give it a chance. Based on the site’s introductory post (the only content available so far), here’s the scoop on GOOP.

Paltrow’s life is “good,” and on top of that, she is a good person. She is healthy and hard-working, and she loves being a mom. But the really exciting thing about all this is that she wants to help us make our lives good, too!

That’s right, Paltrow — who was born into the wealth and celebrity afforded by famous parents (actress Blythe Danner and director Bruce Paltrow) — is going to generously share her experiences and wisdom so that all of womankind may benefit. (Feeling inspired yet?)