Jamie Anderson's blog

If the word “bluegrass” conjures up visions of conservative-looking guys with banjos and whiney tenor voices, then you’re partly right. However, there have always been women in bluegrass; it’s just that they sometimes labor in obscurity or even fail to get off their front porch. (And I’d love to expound on the reasons, but I’ll save that for another time.) The International Bluegrass Music Association (IBMA) just gave out most of their 2008 awards to men. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Two names that come up most when talking about women in bluegrass are fiddle player/singer Alison Krause and mandolin player/singer Rhonda Vincent. Both were nominated for Female Vocalist of the Year. They didn’t win. Best Female Vocalist went to Dale Ann Bradley (pictured below). Born in Kentucky, her career has included stints with the New Coon Creek Girls and now with her own band. Her clear voice is distinctive and definitely a few notches better than your average whiney guy tenor.

But those are for a category that has to include women. There were a few women nominees in other categories (like Rhonda Vincent’s band The Rage for Best Entertainer) but mostly, it was guyville. A shining exception was in the banjo category, won by Kristin Scott Benson. She won against four men, and girl howdy, can she play. She’s toured with Laurie Lewis and now has her own band.

Pop-folk singer-songwriter Dar Williams has a new release, and I’m positively giddy about it. Promised Land features her trademark thoughtful and candid observations of life but with a little harder musical edge than her previous releases.

You won’t find any screeching metal solos or the like, but she used Grammy nominee Brad Wood as her producer (Liz Phair, Sarah Bettens) so it’s going to be different than her previous effort, Honesty Room.

It’s not that Williams moved directly from earthy folk goddess to rocker queen — in fact, she’s never been the latter — but there’s been a gradual movement away from a simple girl-with-guitar style.

Wandering around art museums helped fuel some songs, as did the Milgram social psychology experiments in which people were asked to administer electric shocks to others. Williams got to thinking about why someone would conform to an experiment like that and wrote “Buzzer.”

Everyone has their list. Here’s mine — and no, it’s not a list of best make-out songs. Rather, it’s a list of songs that empower me — and maybe you — with clear woman-loving lyrics.

1. “I Kissed a Girl” — Jill Sobule. According to a recent article in Performing Songwriter, she really did kiss a girl. I love this bouncy singalong, and I love that it got so much airplay. Frankly, I just love Jill Sobule. I want to take her home and make her tuna casserole.

2. “Amazon” — Maxine Feldman. She called herself an out, proud, Jewish butch back when queer bars were raided on a regular basis. Her affirming songs and funny stage manner were a breath of fresh air. Nedra Johnson does a more modern version of the song that kicks major booty.

3. “Boinked (the Bride)” — Ember Swift. I love funny tunes and this one makes me burst into giggles every time.

4. “Ode to a Gym Teacher” — Meg Christian (pictured below with Cris Williamson). Who didn’t fall in love with their gym teacher? Oh, biceps!

5. “A Woman’s Love” — Alix Dobkin. She has so many out lesbian tunes and this is my favorite. I heard Therese Edell do this at one of my first women’s music concerts. Oh that sexy alto voice!

6. “Drive” — Melissa Ferrick. You knew I was going to include this one, right? You have to hear it live. If you’re not lusting after women before you hear it, you will afterward. (Hey, we do recruit.)

7. “32 Lines” — Sophie B. Hawkins. “I’ll lead you home / to Provincetown.” You sure can.

8. “If It Isn’t Her” — Ani DiFranco. I probably rewound this tape (yes, it was that long ago) a million times to hear this song. “I have been playing too many of those boy-girl games / she says honey you are safe here / this is a girl-girl thing.”

I was sitting around with some guitar students the other day and asked them to name a female guitarist. They couldn’t think of anyone. Granted, 10-year-olds aren’t that savvy when it comes to musicians, but even my adult students are hard-pressed to come up with anyone beyond Sheryl Crow.

I thought, heck, who are the top female guitarists? I consulted with a few people plus my opinionated self and came up with this list. I included women who really know their way around a fretboard and those who were innovators of a certain style. (I left out singer-songwriters who might be good at what they do but can’t blaze their way through a complex song.)

Emily Remler was a jazz guitarist who was at home playing fusion, bebop or whatever was thrown her way. She released her first album in 1981 and in the next few years worked with veterans like Herb Ellis and Rosemary Clooney. Sadly, she was only 32 when she passed away in 1990.

Laura Chavez is a blues guitarist who can make her instrument wail, moan and make you cry mama. Hot damn, she's good.

Sister Rosetta Tharpe looked like a prim gospel performer with her print dresses and conservative hairstyle, but she could wail on an electric guitar. Popular in the '30s and '40s, her style influenced many musicians, from Aretha Franklin to the Stones.

Most singer-songwriters don’t mess around with their guitar tuning but Jonatha Brooke is no sissy, using almost as many different guitar tunings as songs. Even if you’re not a guitar geek, you can hear how her work has an open feeling, like looking out over a broad landscape on a quiet winter day.

Brooke might have come on your radar when she was one half of The Story with Jennifer Kimball. Their first album, released in 1992, quickly gained broad appeal, as did their second. Brooke set out on her own after that, releasing six solo CDs. She’s done it again with The Works, a collection of songs written with Woody Guthrie — yeah, the same guy who penned “This Land is Your Land.” He’s been gone since 1967, but his daughter, Nora, opens his files of lyrics for handpicked musicians to use.

Brooke discovered a romantic side of Guthrie. She used those lyrics, sometimes taken from several different pages, and put them together. With whispery percussion and solid keyboards from Joe Sample, her wonderfully expressive voice and more, she recorded 12 songs. Also featured is blues guitarist/singer/songwriter Keb’ Mo’.

Grammy award-winning blues singer Irma Thomas scored hits in the early '60s, including “Time Is on My Side” (later covered by the Rolling Stones), but by the end of the decade, she was a single mother struggling to support four kids. Working at a department store, she recorded intermittently and then came back big in the '70s, to become known as the soul queen of New Orleans.

In 2005, Hurricane Katrina destroyed her house and nightclub, but just weeks later, she recorded After the Rain and snagged a Grammy. Just last month, she released Simply Grand. Girl howdy, it’s a great one featuring renowned pianists like Marcia Ball, Norah Jones and Dr. John. In fact, Dr. John played guitar on one of her first-ever recordings in 1959 (for “You Can Have My Husband [But Please Don’t Mess With My Man”]) and he’s back on this release, pounding the ivories for two songs.

Ever since I saw her energetic performance at a local club, I’ve been a fan of Marcia Ball’s swampy blues. Pairing her with a great singer like Thomas was genius and sure to garner repeated plays on my iPod.

Quick! Name a really great female guitarist. (I’ll wait.)

Hard-pressed? Sure, we’ve got a lot of guitar players, but if your mind goes blank after naming a couple of singer-songwriters, then you’re not alone. It’s the guys who usually take center stage, but not with someone like Vicki Genfan around. Last weekend, she was the only woman out of 10 finalists to compete for Guitar Player magazine’s Superstar 2008. Judges included guitar gods Steve Vai (Whitesnake, Frank Zappa) and Elliot Easton (the Cars). (Yeah, they’re men. You’re not surprised, right?)

The competition was held at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco. Genfan was the sixth to play, dazzling them with her two-handed tapping technique on the acoustic guitar (one of only two finalists to play an acoustic). Women, this technique is hurt-your-fingers hard. She takes her right hand away from the body of the guitar and taps the strings on the neck then returns so quickly to slam out a flurry of notes that you’ll swear she has three hands.

It’s been off the air for a few years, but Buffy lives on for many of us. Give your fantasies a soundtrack and get the newly released Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Score.

There are 29 tracks of scores from Seasons 2 through 5, including the Emmy-winning “Massacre” from Season 2’s “Becoming.” These emotional scores are composed by Christophe Beck, and feature guitar, viola, woodwinds and vocals. Slap this on your iPod, dress up in your best Buffy wear and defend against the forces of darkness, or at least look mysterious and nibble on your girlfriend’s neck. (Hey, light a few candles and you could get lucky.)

Alison Krauss is nominated for two CMAs, and she doesn’t even have big hair.

If you’re saying “Huh?" then you must not be a country music fan, because the Country Music Association's awards are bigger than Dolly Parton’s hair. (And you know the old saying: The higher the hair, the closer to God.) Alison Krauss is a singer/fiddler who’s been blazin’ some pretty fine trails since she burst on the bluegrass scene at the tender age of 14. Twenty Grammys later (and only in her 30s), she’s still kickin’ it and doing it as an independent. How twangin’ cool is that?

The CMA has nominated her for Female Vocalist of the Year (something she’s garnered three out of the last four years) and with Robert Plant for Musical Event of the Year. Yes, the Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin. But we'll have to wait until Nov. 12 to see if she's won.

Other nominees in the female vocalist category include Miranda Lambert, Martina McBride, Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood. I’m rooting for Krauss, although I wouldn’t cry if McBride won. I’d like to see Swift finish high school first.

It’s taken me this long to recoup from last week’s finale. I’m still out of breath from screaming. (Actually, I missed last week because I was at a women’s music festival, romping in the woods with a few thousand half naked women. I know, you feel sorry for me.) What a season, eh? From sexy Cat Deeley to great guests (Jordin Sparks) to lousy guests (take the Pussycat Dolls, please) and last but certainly not least, some out-of-this-world dancing. Someone fan me and pass the ice cream while I go over a few highlights.

We started with auditions in six cities from the bad (Gold Inferno, anyone?) to the amazing (popper Robert Muraine, who bowed out of the finals). After a while, they morphed into one giant dancer but somehow, 20 finalists emerged from the wreckage, 10 girls (or “gulls” if you’re Cat) and 10 boys. They paired up and in the weeks afterward, danced everything from a waltz to hip-hop to jazz. Two new genres were introduced — Bollywood and a country two-step. The latter was weak, but the Bollywood dances, with their colorful costumes and fun moves, were a hit. I hope there’s more of that next season.

Regular judges Mary Murphy and Nigel Lythgoe were always there with a rotating group of guests including my TV girlfriend Mia Micheals and the Dumos. I could’ve done without Toni Basil’s pontifications about dance but I think she was only on once. While Murphy’s million decibel screams were sometimes annoying, I got used to her, like living on a busy street and not hearing the honking. Besides, we need someone to get worked up, it certainly wasn’t Nigel.

There were some great guest dancers like the L.A. Ballet Company (who did a gorgeous pas de deux) and the Alvin Ailey Dance Troupe.

Why yes, I do think I can dance but not like any of these finalists. Wow, were the performances amazing last night! The finale is next week. Let’s declare them all winners and go party. But no, life is cruel.

Adam Shankman was the guest judge and Cat Deeley was wearing little puff balls on the backs of her heels. At first glance it may seem like there’s no connection but believe me, my darlings, there is.

We get right to it with a waltz from Mark and Courtney that is so beautiful I gasp and sigh all the way through it. Courtney’s dress is wonderfully fluttery as Mark picks her up in some fabulous lifts. It doesn’t hurt that they’re dancing to one of my favorite American Idol contestants, David Cook, singing “The Time of My Life.” The judges love their dance. Murphy says the lifts look effortless and that Mark grows with every week. I agree.

Chelsie does a solo and really, what else can she do except hip swivel? But wait, she ends in the splits! Cool.

After the break, Twitch does a funny stylin’ hip-hop solo that includes a grill and glasses. Afterwards, Deeley asks to try on the glasses, then says she’d like the grill too, and that she doesn’t mind the spit. Twitch removes it and she pops it in. We get a few goofy grins before she pops it out, then makes a face about the after taste. “The things we do for art,” she exclaims. Too damn funny, that girl.

Katee and Joshua do a romantic contemporary dance choreographed by Tyce Diorio. It’s passionate and sexy, with lots of great leaps and lifts. Shankman confides that he met Diorio back in 1990 when they were both dancers at the Oscars. (There’s a quick view of Diorio in the audience who, interestingly, doesn’t look that excited about knowing Shankman. Maybe there’s a little tension between the two? Then he mentions Paula Abdul, who’s in the audience also but looks much happier.) He goes on to say that Katee and Joshua are the two most exciting dancers to ever grace that stage. Murphy thought their dance was filled with passion and Lythgoe is amazed that Joshua has had no classical training but can pull off a piece like that.

It’s the brutal second show of the week where someone has to go home and at this point in the season, how do you choose? Yeah, yeah, Comfort went home once so it’ll probably happen again but after that? It makes me want to close my eyes, like I’m passing an accident site. But I’m going to be adult about this and watch the whole program, just for all of you. Oh, the sacrifices I make.

The opening number is a hip-hop dance with a futuristic vibe. Decked out in black latex accented with strips of various colors, it looks like, um, one of those kind of parties, you know? But hey, it’s edgy and cool. The choreographer is Chuck Maldonado, a hip-hop jazz dancer who’s worked with many including Missy Elliot and Pink. It’s his first time working for the show.

Cat looks like a Greek goddess, with a draped white tunic that’s off one shoulder and a barrette that looks like wings. She flutters about the stage hugging dancers and emanating a golden glow that others merely orbit around.

Before the dancers come out, Lythgoe gives a statement about voting. He says that 97.5 million people voted in the American Idol final and 40 million have voted for So You Think You Can Dance. And he thinks that just maybe a few million people could register to vote and, oh I don’t know, vote for a president? (It’s funny that a Brit has to tell us that but he’s right. It’s easier than ever to register to vote so go do it, OK?)

On to the who-is-in-the-bottom-four drama. After many pauses and much hand wringing, we find out that the four dancers with the least votes were Comfort, Courtney, Twitch and Will. Will?! The anointed one? The Debbie Allen prince? America clearly doesn’t agree with the judges.

Mark is so sure he’s going home that when Deeley announces he’s safe he puts his hands to his face Macauley Culkin-style and says over and over again, “Oh my God.”

When Twitch’s name is announced, he falls to his knees with his back to the audience. Deeley goes to him and murmurs some sweet words until he gets up. His eyes are moist. Deeley hugs him.

It’s down to eight finalists on this week's So You Think You Can Dance and I’m curled up on my comfy couch with a carton of Ben and Jerry’s, spoon at the ready. Like last week, each couple will dance twice and each dancer will do a solo.

The guest judge is Toni Basil of “Mickey” fame. (Everybody chant: “Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!”) She didn’t die after her famous video but went on to choreograph for many including Bette Midler’s current Las Vegas show and soon, Tina Turner. Impressive credentials to be sure, but as the show goes on, I just want her to shut up. She’s so busy proving what she knows about different dance forms that it becomes more of a speech than a comment on the dancers’ performances.

First up are Will and Courtney hip-swiveling through a hot samba. I confess I missed a lot of the individual moves because I was focused on that dress Courtney was almost wearing. I’m convinced a herd of wolverines attacked her just before coming on stage and tore most of it off. Scratching my head, I wondered how those little patches were staying on the, er, important parts. Invisible wire? Duct tape? Super glue? Mama spit? At any rate, I guess they did a good job ‘cause Lythgoe said it was absolutely fantastic and Basil really enjoyed it. Murphy started off with a comment about how two contemporary dancers had become two samba dancers, then gradually increased in volume to 10,000 decibels. (More than 1,000 decibels and that means she loves it.)

Comfort solos next and gives us her best. I’d be impressed if she was dancing in a club but as a finalist on this show, I’m not. It was, however, interesting to hear her story about being a street dancer and being helped along by her brothers. She went to a performing arts school but hated the ballet and jazz classes. At least that gave her some training. Since she’s in the first slot, it’s a sure sign that the producers think she’ll be gone soon. (Generally that is the slot of death since those first up are least remembered by voters. I got that from the official guidebook for entertainment reality shows. Really.)

I want you to read the whole recap so I’m not going to spoil things but if I start screaming NOOOOO now, you’ll know what’s up. All right, you’re going to do it anyway so I’ll just start with this — Comfort does NOT go home. That’s right. Throw yourself on the ground and scream ‘cause that’s what I was doing when the news was announced. Really that’s why we watch the show, right? To see who goes home? The rest is just pretty filler. Let me talk about that for a while before we all have to moan about who’s leaving.

The show starts with a lively Bollywood number resplendent with colorful costumes. I love it. Afterwards the dancers run over to the side of the stage and part, allowing the beautiful Cat Deeley to glide in. She announces that three of their regular choreographers — Mandy Moore, Shane Sparks and Wade Robson — have been nominated for Emmys. Also nominated is their make-up team. How awesome is that? I’ve always known that this show has the best dancing on TV and this proves it.

The top five girls angst (I know it’s not a verb, stay with me here) their way choreography by Mia Michaels. They’re dressed like ragged angels and emote all over the place. I like the first part where they’re all seated at the edge of the stage, swaying their upper bodies, but then it digresses into something weird with a lot of rolling about. It doesn’t help that they’re dancing to Celine Dion singing “Ave Maria.” I won’t bore you with my Celine dislike.

The girls line-up afterwards while Deeley does the dirty work of announcing the bottom two and it’s Comfort and Kherington. There’s no surprise with the former and of the latter I think, well, they’ve got to try to create some drama even if there isn’t any. Everyone knows Comfort is going home. Yawn.

After the break Deeley announces that the boys will dance a number created by a mystery choreographer. Um, OK. They do a peppy Broadway number to Joe Jackson’s “Five Guys Named Mo.” It’s cute, especially at the end where a couple of dancers have jumped in the arms of another guy. Who’s the choreographer? None other than the resident guy-with-a-bad-haircut judge Nigel Lythgoe.

Hold on to your chocolate bars ladies, it’s time for us to decide who goes and who stays. Last night was the first time that our voting decides, not the judges. It’s also the first time we’ll see everyone do a solo. And if that wasn’t enough, the couples are parting ways and getting new partners. No more Twitchington? (Let me pause now for a dramatic hand to my forehead.) It’ll be interesting to see how this goes. I’ve stocked up on premium dark chocolate so I’m ready.

First, the big news: Jessica is introduced. Solemnly she tells us that she’s got a couple of broken ribs so no dancing for her for four weeks. (She doesn’t say how it happened although some speculate it’s because Will dropped her.) Jessica can tour, though, so that’s good. The bad? We’ve got another week of Comfort, who’s taking her place. Now, I’d love to hang with Comfort ‘cause I think she’s fun but this isn’t So You Think You Can Hang Out with Jamie.

Lil’ C is the guest judge. I’m not always sure what he’s saying (he talks in circles) but he’s entertaining and I like the krump choreography he did for Kherington and Twitch last week.

Courtney and Joshua do a cool hip-hop number by Dave Scott where Courtney plays a kind of monster with Joshua as her Dr. Frankenstein. I love the characters and they dance it very well. Lil’ C thought Joshua killed it and Courtney was good. Murphy screamed something that made my cats run from the room. Lythgoe commented that he’d never seen Dr. Frankenstein spank his monster. (Well Nigel, obviously you’re going to the wrong parties.) He went on to say that Courtney wasn’t as good as Joshua. Well duh, she’s a contemporary dancer so she’s not going to hit as hard as Joshua.

Chelsie does a solo next. It’s always tough for the ballroom dancers to solo but she pulled it off, even dropping to the floor once.

Kherington and Mark glide through a country two-step choreographed by Ronnie DeBenedetta and a very pregnant Brandi Tobias. (It was lovely to see Brandi move. I’ll bet the baby was doing the backstroke in there.) It was a little too pretty and smooth even if Mark looked tres cute in his jeans and hat. Lil’ C didn’t love it, Murphy used her pouty sad face and Lythgoe commented that Kherington was really leading, not Mark. (And there’s a problem with that?)

Next, Gev does a great solo hip-hop routine.

The opening hip-hop choreography from last week's elimination episode of SYTYCD was by Tabitha and Napoleon Dumo and it is crazy good, with part of it done under low lights, glow-in-the-dark stripes illuminating the moves. After a big ending, Cat Deeley makes her grand entrance in a stunning little black dress that makes me forget to breathe.

We get right into it with two couples, Comfort and Thayne, and Katee and Joshua, being called to the floor. Well, duh. I tell my cats that it’s Comfort and Thayne who’ll have to “dance for their lives.” (I still giggle at that phrase. It’s not like they’re hooked up to IVs or anything. I’ll bet Mia is already choreographing that dance.) I’m right.

The second two couples called to the stage are Jessica and Will, and Chelsie and Mark. To my utter surprise it’s Jessica and Will. That sexy contemporary piece they did should be in some dance hall of fame but instead, they’ve been voted to the bottom three.

Kherington and Twitch are the final couple to be sent to the bottom three, with Courtney and Gev wiping their brows in relief.

Three dancers from the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater perform next. Their dramatic presentation garners a standing ovation from everyone, including the judges. It sure beats the Pussycat Dolls.

All six dancers in the bottom dance for their lives and it’s clear to me that Comfort is going home. Twitch does this ultra groovy mad conductor character that I’d love to see in a longer dance.

There are six remaining couples. Two more dancers go home tonight. I’ve moved beyond the ice cream. That’s right, it’s time for the heavy stuff: chocolate.

The guest judge last night was my TV girlfriend Mia Michaels. She looks stunning in a soft butch kinda way with a hat tilted rakishly over one eye and a blouse that slides off her shoulder.

Chelsie and Mark are up first, with a sexy salsa. Lythgoe thought they were terrific and Murphy called Chelsie “beautiful dynamite.” (Uh, that’s good, right?) Michaels went on and on about Chelsie’s beauty, ending with, “I wanna stab you, you’re so gorgeous.” (That’s Mia-speak for "I have run out of words to express how beautiful you are.")

Comfort finally gets to dance in her genre, hip-hop, and with partner Thayne, she does a fairly good job. Much ado is made about Thayne’s smile, but he looks pretty fierce through most of this routine. The judges weren’t impressed, though, with Lythgoe commenting that they’d probably be in the bottom three.

Jessica and Will dance a contemporary piece by Tyce Jessica says she feels strong when she dances it and whoa — I thought she was a great dancer before, but she tops herself this time. The dance is hot and sexy and gorgeous and I can’t believe you can show something like that on network TV. Lythgoe calls it extremely erotic, Murphy blushes and screams, and Michaels calls it “perfect moving body art.” Amen, pass the chocolate.

A campy Broadway number with the finalists opens the show. Ladies in garters! Guys in bowlers! In the end, a dancer throws up wads of money and a close up of one bill shows Nigel Lythgoe’s face. I can’t see whether or not it says “In Lythgoe We Trust.”

Cat Deeley walks through a stage door and good lord she’s gorgeous. Not only that, but she’s a personable host who doesn’t mess up the intros. (Take note, Billy Cyrus. I can’t face Nashville Star because of his clunky read-like-a-robot-intros but then, this is a guy who sang "Achy Breaky Heart.") When she hugs the finalists, she means it. I’d like her to hug me. Close. And whisper to me in that charming accent that everything will be OK and … oops, sorry, I’ll come back from my daydream and tell y’all what happened on Thursday’s results show where one guy and one girl are sent packing. And I don’t mean the kind that involves stuffing your pants although … oh never mind.

Each couple is brought out while Deeley talks about their dances and the judges’ reaction. When Kherington and Twitch, and Katee and Joshua take the stage I think, huh? No one from that group can be in the bottom three, can they? Deeley turns to Katee and Joshua and grimly intones, “It’s not you.” I’m prepared to throw things at the screen on behalf of Kherington and Twitch when Deeley quickly turns to the other couple and says, “It’s not you either.” Such an eruption of jumping and laughing happens that I’m sure that every homeless puppy finds a home and all people are healthy and happy and peace and love forever reign in this world. Deeley has to nudge them off stage. “Go now, little ones,” Deeley murmurs, “I’ve got to send some other unfortunate dancers to the bottom three.”

Who does end up in the bottom three? Kourtni and Matt, Comfort and Thayne, and Courtney and Gev. Huh? Courtney and Gev? After that wonderful hip-hop routine, I’m really surprised.

The bottom six dancers “dance for their lives.” Each is wonderful, if not a bit predictable. Gev proves his B-boy status well. After a commercial break Comfort does her hip-hop thing and the contrast is noticeable. Not a single move makes me think wow. Yeah, she’s got the rolls and she uses the floor well but Gev is clearly the better breaker.

It’s week four of the finals and seeing what host Cat Deeley is wearing is almost as exciting as the dancing. This week she’s sporting a retro looking mini. Her hair is swept to the side like a '40s starlet. Sexy. In fact, that seems to be the theme for the night. Plenty of bare chested guys tonight and sexy long legged beauties (and I don’t mean Thayne) glide across my small screen.

Tonight joining the regular judges are hip-hop choreographers Tabitha and Napoleon Dumo.

It’s week three and the competition is so tense I’m gonna need two bowls of ice cream for each night. I settle in on Wednesday night with the first one and whew! Cat Deeley is looking gorgeous in a white lace dress. Much better than last week’s chicken feather fiasco.

Judges Nigel Lythgoe and Mary Murphy are introduced, as well as guest judge Adam Shankman. Shankman just wrapped up choreographing Adam Sandler’s new movie. (Dude, I’m not sure I’d mention that. It’s like saying you just finished the music for a Wayne’s World sequel but hey, that’s my opinion.) The cool thing is that he hired some dancers from last season including Lacy and Travis. (Damn, now I have to see the movie.) Shankman tells Deeley how pretty she looks and, “No joke, I almost wore the same thing.” Good for him for being his natural swishy self. No “not masculine enough” comments from him.

There’s a tribute to Cyd Charisse, a wonderful dancer who passed away this last week. As a certified old dance movie freak, I definitely know who she is. If you don’t know her work, rent Singing in the Rain. Yeah, Gene Kelly is fabulous but Charisse is the icing on that cake. Turns out Lythgoe danced with her years ago. Hey, maybe the guy does know what he’s talking about. I’m starting to warm up to his bad haircut and cheesy comments.

On to the dancers. First up is Kherington and Twitch. They’re doing a hip-hop routine choreographed by Napoleon and Tabitha Dumo. It’s a story about a prison break that’s fast and has some great pops like good hip-hop should, but with some smoother moves that really make the piece. The sound track has a siren and there are flashing lights and they’re dressed in prison-like overalls. Lythgoe says they danced brilliantly and I agree. Murphy screams something about an ancient Murphy proverb. (I think she liked it.) I’m just going to measure the decibels from now on and that’ll tell me how she really feels.

Courtney and Gev are next, doing a rumba. There’s a lot of hip action and at one point, he grabs her butt. Much is made of the butt grabbing. Whatever. It seems to me that she did most of the work but none of the judges mention that so heck, maybe I’m wrong. Lythgoe thought they did a really good job, Murphy commented that they nailed it and Shankman really loved it. Shankman also said that Murphy, “Looks like a really pretty disco ball.” Um, I think that was a compliment. She didn’t whack him so I guess it was.

Mia Michaels is the guest judge on the latest episode of So You Think You Can Dance. I’ve gotta say, though, that I fell a little out of love with Mia. It seems to me that she told many of the boys how much she loved them but not so much the girls. (Maybe I just need more ice cream. Maybe she needs more ice cream. Maybe we all should journey down to the nearest grocery and clear the shelves of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia and shout amen.)

Was it National Dress Like Crap Day? Mary Murphy looks like Druzilla in a tight leopard print bodice and black chiffon half sleeves. Cat Deeley is wearing an elegant black dress from her shoulders to the top of her thighs but whose idea was it for the ring of black feathers at the hem? At any moment I expected her to squat and lay an egg. Michaels was wearing a drab drapey thing. And, I can’t believe I’m saying this, Lythgoe was the exception, looking rather natty in a neat suit with red tie and pink shirt with a red handkerchief neatly folded in his jacket pocket.

This isn’t What Not to Wear so let’s move on to the dancing.

Chelsea and Thayne start off with a jazz number. I loved their routine last week so I was eagerly anticipating this one and while it was pretty good, I was put off by the weird costumes. The piece is supposed to be about a king and his forbidden love but in a Tim Burton kind of way. I guess the costumes reflected that but ew. It’s hard to concentrate on the dancing when all I could think was, “I hope THAT costume designer was fired.” (See here I am going on about clothes again. I’ll stop. I promise. More Cherry Garcia please.) The judges didn’t love the performance. Micheals said it wasn’t executed well enough and Murphy said the chemistry wasn’t there.

Chelsie and Mark are next, with an Argentine tango. It’s like a tango only with a lot of pawing at the ground and whinnying. The best part? Deeley helping Chelsie with her shoe after the performance. She kneels down and gently slips her foot back in and moves the strap. (Can I vote for Deeley?) Michaels purrs that she likes it when a woman gets dirty like that. I rewind that comment about three thousand times. She goes on to say the routine was amazing. Murphy erupts in screaming and giggling. Maybe someone was stepping on her tail or maybe she liked the performance too, I dunno.

Jessica and Will have a lot of fun with a hip-hop routine. Jessica gives us a laugh at the end that feels genuine, like, yeah, I had a great time y’all. (And did Deeley say “Yo” right after they were done? Damn that’s cute.) Michaels said the choreography was ridiculous. (That’s Mia-speak for "Yeah, baby, yeah!") She calls Jessica a little cheerleader and chastises, “If you’re going to have a partner like Will you’ve gotta set yourself on fire.” She then calls Will a genius, she proposes and they plan their June wedding.

Kourtni and Matt do an elegant foxtrot. No one told Kourtni about the holiday so she looks stunningly gorgeous in a kelly green gown that flows beautifully with their movements. What they do is a bit like Astaire / Rogers dance moves but with a contemporary feel. Mia tells Matt she loves him but tells Kourtni she hasn’t yet owned her size and length. Murphy was slightly disappointed and Lythgoe, apparently told that he can’t say “masculine” tonight, told Matt he looked “twee” with his arms, then started making these faces that I think were a signal to a universe far far away.

Last night's episode of So You Think You Can Dance opened with a wonderfully creepy dance featuring all the finalists. Think modern zombie with bright colored clothing. The best part? They gag and tie up Nigel Lythgoe. In the end, he’s saved by Cat Deeley. Of course.

I hate how reality shows drag out the announcements about who’s leaving the show but this one wasn’t too bad. Sure, we see the requisite clips of last night’s show and sometimes Deeley paused a bit before but I didn’t throw things at my screen. (At least, nothing that would break the glass.)

The couples were divided into three groups. Everyone in the first group was safe. Well, duh, it included Twitchington (See how hip I am? I know that’s Kherington and Twitch), Susie and Marquis, and Chelsie and Mark. I doubt anyone thought they were headed for home. We saw two more groups. The bottom three couples were Matt and Kourtni, Rayven and Jamie, and Jessica and Will. Will? Say it ain’t so. The prodigy of Debbie Allen shouldn’t be in this group and Dan Karaty agreed.

Next we’re treated to a dance performance by Poppin’, er, Pete? And mumble mumble. (I couldn’t hear Deeley over the crowd noise and even though I rewound this part, oh, a million point five times, I couldn’t understand her.) They’re pretty freakin’ awesome, poppin’ and breakin’ all over the place even though they’re dressed like accountants.

The gorgeous Cat Deeley has a microphone instead of a bullhorn but she’s still in charge so that’s all right with me. Last night was the start of the real competition on So You Think You Can Dance, where the twenty finalists compete and we get to vote.

The dancers are divided up into boy/girl couples. They pick a style of dance out of a hat and have just a few days to learn a routine. It’s fun to see hip hop dancers trying out their ballroom feet and ballet dancers popping. (I don’t love that there’s so much emphasis on partner dancing in the beginning but hey, they’re still ignoring my letters. I console myself with ice cream.)

We start with Rayven, a contemporary / ballet dancer and Jamie, a swing dancer. They did a hip hop routine that included Rayven pulling down his pants. It’s tasteful, uh, kinda. Despite the stellar name, Jamie is a little too perky for hip hop but none of the judges mention that. Karaty said they’re “not quite there.” Mary Murphy screamed and did her trademark hyena laugh. I think that means she liked them.

Susie, a salsa dancer from Miami, and Marquis, a contemporary dancer, are up next. They did a smooth waltz “like prince charming and princess” Susie intoned. Uh, yeah. Nigel Lythgoe said they had nice lines and Murphy commented that they had plenty of room to grow.

Kourtni and Matt, both contemporary dancers, did a jazz number to “Tainted Love” choreographed by Mandy Moore. I’m a little biased here ‘cause I’m not a big jazz fan. (I keep seeing “Just Jack!” jazz hands. So sue me.) They did a credible job. The judges are lukewarm with Karaty commenting that they played it safe. Kourtni looked great, though, in leather and a slit skirt.

Here I am again, ice cream in hand, well in a bowl really, ready to see how they’re going to whittle two hundred dancers down to twenty finalists. It’ll be brutal but with a little rocky road, I’ll be fine. Grab your favorite ice cream (or brew, for you grown-ups) and settle in on this comfy couch with me.

After auditions in six cities, dancers arrive and arrive and arrive in Las Vegas. Cat Deeley is there again with her cute bullhorn (oh how I love a femme in charge) and even cuter shorts. It’s nice to see her dress down and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

They’re pulling out all the stops and putting six judges at a long table. It looks a little like the last supper only Jesus, er, Nigel Lythgoe, is on the end. Mary (Murphy) is there. (Wait, was she in that painting? She should have been.) The disciples are there too – Debbie Allen, Tabitha and Napoleon D’umo plus the perfectly gorgeous intelligent sexy Mia Michaels.

Here’s how it works. Each day there’s a new choreography to learn and each day, dancers are cut and sent home. First, there’s a hip hop choreography taught by the D’umos. We see a blur of dancers jumping and popping and peering through the multitudes of other dancers to see the teachers. It’s not an ideal situation for learning a dance, especially if you’ve only got an hour. Jump! Slide! Pop! Do it again! Huh?

Lots of dancers are sent home including Claire Callaway, the dancer who had the injured foot in season two and skipped season three because she had a hard roll, er, bun in the oven.

I don’t know about you, but all these two hour audition shows are beginning to turn into one big episode. Too many dancers, too many great moves, too many unfortunate people who just want face time on national TV. I feel like I’ve just exited a crowded subway and been asked to describe every person I saw. Uh, there was the sweaty white bald guy next to me, the tall African American chick in blue yoga pants … after awhile they morph into one big bald African American chick that sweats. But, you expect more from me so for you I will make this sacrifice. After all, the Vegas auditions are tonight and you need the background for all of the dancers, right? Right. So pull up that bowl of ice cream, partners, gather the cats around and I’ll tell you a tale of Milwaukee.

But first, we’re going to go back to a few dancers who didn’t get profiled in earlier episodes. (Huh? Maybe if they’d spent a little less time on Gold Inferno or the endless parade of whiney losers then MAYBE they would’ve had time for the real dancers.) We see Michael Kim, a great hip hopper who went to Vegas last year but “got creamed” by Mary Murphy’s salsa routine. Murphy corrects him – it was the samba, no wonder you blew it dude – but the judges love him anyway.

We see some quick clips of judge Nigel Lythgoe getting all home boy on us. Stop, please.

Next is Katee Shean and Natalie Reid and damn, they’re adorable. They’re friends and roommates. We see them exercising together including some leaning and touching and rolling around that … have I mentioned they’re adorable? I’m afraid they’re being set up though and I tell my cats to turn their backs ‘cause there’s gonna be a big crash of kvetching losers. But ya know what? They’re both really great contemporary dancers and at the end, they’re a clump of jumping screaming hugging women. Great to see that kind of support. I hope Vegas doesn’t eat them alive.

There’s a salsa couple from the DC auditions who steam up the place. Only the woman is sent through to Vegas although the guy doesn’t seem too upset. Maybe he can go home to his boyfriend now.