Reese DoWitt's blog

My general understanding of why makeovers exist is for the purpose of taking something that could use a little improvement and, well, improving upon it. With that concept in mind, I was bemused when I found out that the Fox Broadcasting Company is going to be remaking Absolutely Fabulous.

That’s right, the hugely successfully British sitcom is coming to America (Los Angeles, to be specific). Again.

Although the location will be very different, the basic plot will stay the same, following the shenanigans of two 40-year-old, booze-loving best friends obsessed with trends, image … and did I mention booze?

Maybe you guys can help me because I don’t know what to make of this news. On one hand, I love the characters of Patsy and Edina and to see them in action again would be dreamy. On the other hand, how could a different version of an already perfect show be better? It’s like when they tried to improve upon the flavor of Coke all those years ago with "New Coke" — was it any more delicious? (I’ll let the more than 10-year absence of the beverage speak to that question.)

I know it’s cynical, but I have huge reservations that anyone could play Eddie and Pats better than Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley.

In honor of the vice presidential debate last night, I thought I would fan the political flame of interest a little further by drawing your attention to the newest voter awareness public service announcement.

A galaxy of stars turned out for a PSA that urges young people not to vote because, after all, who cares about Darfur, gay rights, terrorism, global warming? Ah, I can sense that a lot of hands are going up out there, and for that you are true patriots and our country thanks you. (Those who didn’t put their hands up can see me after class.)

So what kinds of stars are in this PSA? Probably just a few you may have heard of. You know, like: Halle Berry, Laura Linney, Jennifer Aniston, Eva Longoria, Ellen DeGeneres, Natalie Portman and Demi Moore. (Not to mention some of our favorite actors, like Leonardo DiCaprio, Forest Whitaker and Jamie Foxx.)

If you dare even to think about not voting in this upcoming election, think again. This star-studded cast clearly all have degrees in mind trickery because they are about to dazzle you with some serious reverse psychology.

The other day I bumped into a friend of mine from high school whom I had not seen since she wrote the letters “K.I.T.” in my yearbook. After our awkward hug hello, the immediate question to follow was, “So what have you been up to?”

In the course of 10 minutes standing on a busy street corner, we summed up our lives, CliffsNotes style. She immediately tells me she is married with kids, and she is working at some law firm with three last names that I couldn’t possibly ever recall. The conversation then turns to me, and I have the always-awesome task of coming out — again. I tell my former classmate where I am working and that I am now living with my girlfriend of three years. I then wait for an awkward and befuddled face, and on cue, it arrives. After the momentary shock settles in, she becomes more intrigued than anything, and thus more conversation ensues:

“How’d you meet her?”

“I thought you might be gay in high school!"

“Did you like anyone in our grade?”

And then the dialogue I wasn’t expecting:

Former classmate: What kind of lesbian is your girlfriend?
Lesbian: Um, I’m sorry. What?
Former Classmate: You know, is she like an Ellen-type person, or more like a Portia de Rossi? Or is she like k.d. Lang or like that woman on Bravo with the gym?
Lesbian: Jackie Warner.
Former Classmate: Yes! Jackie Warner. See, you know!

While I could understand the curiosity surrounding her questions, I found it remarkable that she asked them. I mean, she told me she was married, and I didn’t launch into a litany of male celebrities: “So what’s your husband like? Is he a sloppy-sweatshirt-wearing kind of guy like Adam Sandler? Is he a baldy like Bruce Willis? Or does he have a full head like that McDreamy fellow?”

I guess as much as I was shocked by her candor, I couldn’t be offended by what she asked me because I admittedly have asked those sorts of questions of my own friends. How many times have you had to describe your ideal woman to someone using words like femme, butch, boi, androgynous, chapstick, lipstick or sporty?

Perhaps now, in place of those terms, it is easier just to use celebrity equivalents. So instead of saying something like, “I am attracted to femmes who are a little sporty,” you could say, “I’m looking for a Bette Porter with a splash of Dana." There you have a perfect visual and you know who you are getting. (And good for you, I might add.)

I know some of you may be getting mad at me and want to remind me that we are all individuals and very unique and shouldn’t succumb to any pigeonholes or stereotypes — and I totally agree with you. I understand that no one wants to be put in a box (they are cramped and often uncomfortable), but boxes can aid in describing the general style a person has, which is helpful in the art of attraction. You aren’t defined by this box; you are just painting a broad-spectrum image of yourself.

Given that some people (like my former classmate) wouldn’t know who Dana or Bette are, but would know who Ellen is, I was curious if any of you could describe yourself to someone using an out lesbian celebrity.

Let’s put it to the test. Which of these celesbians best describe you and your style?

If you managed to avoid slipping into a coma while watching the Emmy’s the other night, you might have heard the announcement that Kathy Griffin took home a statue for best reality programming for her now two-time award-winning series, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. More good news for Ms. Griffin is that her show got picked up for a fifth season by the Bravo network. All this success and these accolades, while amazingly fortunate for her career and her bank account, beg the question: Is Kathy Griffin even on the D-List anymore?

Griffin has made a career out of being snubbed by Hollywood. The biggest laughs of her stand-up act come from the stories she tells of how celebrities literally look the other way when they see her coming or how reporters don’t know her name and often confuse her with Kathy Lee Gifford and “that chick from News Radio.”

A lot of that has changed since the success of her reality show; the main difference being the respect she’s earned. She is now an official Hollywood player. These days, Griffin is introduced on talk shows with “Emmy Award winner” as a precursor to her name. What other D-Lister can say that?

I am an avid watcher of Griffin’s reality program and a religious attendee of her stand-up any time she comes to New York, but I have to confess that I am finding it harder and harder to believe that she’s D-List. (Sorry, Kathy.) In this day and age, when Nicole Richie and Lauren Conrad are more famous than heads of state, how can someone like Kathy Griffin think she ranks beneath or on par with their fame?

As we mentioned last Friday in Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever., the feminist pop culture magazine Bitch needed your donations to save itself from imminent publication doom. Fortunately, many of you, along with other loyal readers, came through and helped the indie mag reach their $40,000 (and growing) fundraising goal. (Cue the streamers and confetti!)

If you aren’t familiar with Bitch, don’t be too hard on yourself. How could anyone be expected to see past the throngs of fashion magazines to find Bitch inconspicuously sitting in the back row of your local bookstore’s magazine shelf? If you stand on your tippy-toes and push to the side the vapid pages of Cosmo’s quizzes and Glamour’s articles on “More Ways to Make Him Satisfied," you will find the wonderfully titled magazine.

Its formidable reputation, along with a hefty portion of word of mouth is what has made this a periodical to be reckoned with.

In an era when most of us get our information from websites, blogs and something called a Twitter, Bitch has managed to stay afloat because of the valued content it provides its readers.

Their articles focus on a gamut of topics, from politics to movies to music, all with the insight of a feminist critique. Bitch delivers a humorous and edgy analysis of the portrayal of women in all media — which is something that we at AfterEllen.com can appreciate.

While there are other feminist magazines out there, Bitch is so unique because it has managed to exist without the support of full-page commercial advertising. For 13 years, it has thrived solely on subscriptions, donations and small-business ads. Go ahead, flip through any issue, and you will be hard-pressed to find a single scratch-and-sniff perfume ad or images of pouty-lipped, Photoshopped models staring off into the abyss as they try to sell you high-end shoes, jewelry or some smudge-proof lipstick.

The magazine pays its bills by developing smart content for a loyal audience that embraces the magazine’s promise to deliver a “feminist response to pop culture."

By now many of you heard that one of television’s most famous acronyms, TRL, is going off the air. The MTV show, known formally as Total Request Live, will have its final countdown in November after a 10-year run.

TRL has been the launching pad for music sensations such as Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and ’NSync. Today, the show is a must for any artist who wants to even touch the youth demographic. Performers such as Rihanna, Ashlee Simpson and “it” teen Miley Cyrus all make certain they pay TRL a visit when they head out on a promotional tour.

The MTV show was and is the place to go to find out which performer/band is hot. If you are a singer and there isn’t a swarm of teenagers fanatically screaming bloody murder outside the windows of the Time Square studio at your TRL appearance, then your band is just not hot.

One of the unique parts of the show is it let viewers interact. You want to hear "Hit Me Baby One More Time"? No problem. The show allowed viewers to email, text and call in requests. Although chances are that request won’t make it on the airways, but at least you know the spirit of democracy is alive and well at MTV.

TRL also gave us the freedom to communicate with each other through the generously supplied bottom half-inch of our television sets. Viewers at home could "shout out" to their peeps via scrolling text statements like: “Bette I LUV U 2!-Tina” or “K8 last nite wuz GR8!!!!” or “Mom, I’m gay!!” You would never see that on American Bandstand.

Sarah Palin can officially be bought and sold. No really, it’s true. If you haven’t heard yet, Hero Builders toymakers are selling Sarah Palin dolls for you to collect and cherish for years to come. (Go ahead and take a minute and process this; I know I needed a few when I found out.) You can now own a 12-inch replica of Palin to do with as you wish (I’m sure it will be different for everyone). Malibu Barbie’s days in the sun may be numbered now that political dolls (or “action figures” for those who like to play rough) are available for purchase.

Much like her Barbie counterpart, the Palin doll is available in multiple fun styles that will cost you up to $29.95.

There is Executive Palin, complete with a pantsuit that seems to say, "I may not be Hillary, but I can certainly dress like her"; Super Hero Palin, complete with miniskirt, Matrix-style trench coat and a gun strapped to her thigh (so she can fight off the evil Alaskan Moose Posse); and, if all that weren’t random enough, you could have your very own School Girl Palin a la Britney Spears, circa 1998.

If these dolls do fly off the shelves, we may able to look forward to a series of other limited-edition Palins such as Alaskan Hunter Palin (rifle and fishing pole included) or Hockey Mom Palin, (lipstick and hockey stick included; minivan sold separately). And if the McCain/Palin ticket does make it to presidency, I’m sure the Palin Dream White House will be available just in time for Christmas.

Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a discussion about a hugely popular television show you’ve never watched? Well, this happens to me. I’m often embarrassed that I haven’t watched enough television (which is something I never thought I was capable of feeling).

A friend of mine sent me an email the other day with the subject line, “Mary Tyler Moore is on DVD, yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!” Her 11 punctuation marks of jubilation led me to believe this was news to really get excited over, only I couldn’t. You see, I have a confession to make: I have never seen an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show — not a one. It has been on numerous countdowns as one of the funniest and most groundbreaking shows ever, and still I have neglected to see it, despite the existence of the syndication time capsule Nick at Nite.

Thankfully, for people like me, complete series of programs such as The Mary Tyler Moore Show are now available on box set. DVD boxed sets give us the chance to sit down at our convenience in our comfiest pajamas for hours on end to catch up with devoted fans. It takes me two days to do what took others years. The boxed set is a crash course in television. There are so many long-running shows that so many of us have not seen at all or seen in their entirety, but now, thanks to the DVD box set, we can.

Here is a short list of series that I think, if you haven’t seen yet, you should, because they are hilarious. (Oh, and they helped knock down a whole bunch of walls for women in entertainment.)

6 Complete Series Available on DVD You Should See:

1.The Mary Tyler Moore Show

All I know about The Mary Tyler Moore Show is that in the opening credits, she famously throws her beret-looking hat in the air, and then freeze frame. Of course there is more to this series than that, so I (along with some of you) will own up to my Moore-less life and settle in to watch this award-winning series.

Is there something in the water? It feels like pregnancy is everywhere and a baby bump has become the new must-have accessory. It used to be those tiny dogs that fit effortlessly into handbags, but now baby bumps are "it." Maybe it’s because Ashlee Simpson, Jennifer Garner and Minnie Driver are all on the cusp of giving birth, or because recent mom Jamie Lynn Spears (17-year-old sister of Britney) has been on every cover of every magazine in the checkout line since last September.

Pregnancy has even been a topic in our presidential election. In case you’ve missed it, Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s daughter is 17 and pregnant. The news of this has brought to the table a debate on the glamorization of pregnancy in Hollywood.

I admit, I’ve never had to walk into a pharmacy for a pregnancy kit (mainly because I’m, you know, totally gay), so the idea of being pregnant was never a real fear of mine. I can say with certitude, however, that I have seen movies about pregnant women and (regardless of the biological impossibility that I could ever unintentionally or intentionally get pregnant by my girlfriend) none of them made me hanker for a baby belly or think that what I really wanted in my closet was a pair of maternity jeans all because the movie Juno was so darnn funny.

Whether the character had an unplanned pregnancy or was aching to become “with child,” I looked at the recent boom of pregnancy-themed films like Juno with the more optimistic attitude that Hollywood isn’t glamorizing the characters’ pregnancy but empowering the characters that are pregnant. Women in these movies take charge of what is happening in their lives, and along the way we have a few laughs while they do so.

Reality television hasn’t entered the realm of popular culture without making its fair share of waves. Shows like The Moment of Truth, Who Wants to Marry My Dad and The Swan have all tested our moral fibers and led us into many a heated squabble the likes of which the cast of The Hills would envy.

MTV is about to add another name to the list of controversial unscripted television shows — one that will surely be mentioned in the ongoing water cooler debate that asks, “Does reality TV go too far?” Currently the cable station is casting women for its new series Model Makers, a show that will take 15 wannabe models that are on the plus side of the scale and drastically slim them down so they may be welcomed into the world of high fashion.

We have all seen weight-loss makeover shows before and, of course, we all know that Tyra Banks rules the roost in making ordinary gals into model hopefuls on America’s Next Top Model. Armed with that knowledge, consider, then, Model Makers a hybrid of these two breeds of show. It is this pairing of weight loss and beauty that is fueling the controversy surrounding the new reality television series.

The chosen women on Model Makers will have only 12 weeks to lose a minimum of 30-80 pounds — or the mass equivalent of a miniature poodle or small child. (No pressure there. That’ll be a piece of low-fat cake.) The prize — if the girls are consistent in losing weight each week — will be $100,000, along with the window of exposure on MTV (and maybe, if they are really lucky, an opportunity to compete in The Inferno with all the other MTV reality show alums). The demand for these young women to lose such an extreme amount of weight in such a short amount of time has caused quite a fury among critics concerning the show’s unsafe concept.

Certain things in this world are timeless and never-changing: the evergreen, the diamond, and, of course, the cartoon character. The cartoon character never ages. We don’t follow Rainbow Bright to prom or head to the retirement home with Fred and Wilma. Cartoons don’t grow up with us; they exist as they are for new generations of youngsters eventually to grow up and grow out of them. Well, Nickelodeon would like to change all that. Realizing that they have found huge success with their animated series Dora The Explorer they are refusing to let Dora’s fans grow out of her. Instead, they are opting to revamp her image so that a new version of Dora can appeal to an older group of girls.

Nickelodeon is redesigning an older version of Dora to make her appear “more feminine” in an attempt to hang on to Dora’s fans as they grow out of their diapers. The cable network’s reps did not specify what “feminizing” Dora will entail, but you can certainly surmise that her pink cotton T-shirt and ruffle socks will no longer pass muster. Nickelodeon is faced with the competition from such teen juggernauts as Hannah Montana and High School Musical and have reported in a press release that they are “eager to find ways to retain Dora’s preschool fans as they mature.” It looks as though that will mean that Dora will be trading in her map for mascara.

Attention voters of America: Sheryl Crow will sing to you for free — if you can get your voting-resistant friends to register. Well OK, she won’t be performing a private concert in your living room or anything, but she will be giving away her new album, Detours, to the first 50,000 people who register three friends at Rock the Vote.

Crow has been involved with Rock the Vote since its inception 18 years ago. Her new album fits perfectly with this giveaway because the songs are about the war in Iraq, the environment and Hurricane Katrina. Crow hopes it will promote awareness of these matters and at the same time hopes her gratis contribution will tempt people into registering.

Sheryl has made the process of winning her album very simple. Go to the Rock the Vote’s website, log in and rat out invite three people whom you know are not rocking their rights at the polls to sign up to vote. If all three of them accept your invite and register, then you are the price of a CD richer. Don’t you just love democracy?

So right now you might be saying, Reese, I don’t know anybody that’s over the age of 18 and not registered to vote — can I get some free Sheryl Crow music anyway? And I say to you, yes! Those already registered can head to the website and sign in to get a free download of Sheryl’s new politically-inspired song, Gasoline. You can add it to your Election Day playlist and listen to it while you are claiming your political voice and voting for our next president.

Avril Lavigne is a threat to the youth of Malaysia. The 23-year-old pop singer is so smoking hot that members of a Malaysian Islamic opposition party do not want any of their impressionable youth seeing her in concert. Lavigne will have to shake her moneymaker in front of some other country’s young pliable minds because this opposition party isn’t having any of it. The Malaysian conservative group is convinced that her moves are “too sexy” for their teenagers, and they believe her August performance must be stopped.

The group appealed to the Malaysian Ministry of Culture, Arts, and Heritage to cancel the concert and the Ministry agreed. "It is not timely. It's not in the good spirit of our National Day. If we go ahead with the concert, it is contrary to what we are preparing for," said a senior official from the Ministry. Apparently, National Day is a countrywide day set aside to prepare against the evils of wristbands and tube socks.

Malaysia has a history of strict guidelines, which have led many female performers to cancel their shows. The Malaysian government’s rules require that all female performers wear conservative clothing that do not bear any “obscene” images. Additionally, all clothing must cover you from the chest to the knee. (Why am I getting flashbacks of "dress-down days" at my Catholic elementary school?) Beyonce moved her scheduled concert to Indonesia as a result of these mandates, and Christina Aguilera opted to not perform there at all. Gwen Stefani decided to perform, agreeing to cover up her trademark washboard stomach. She called her decision to wear a bit more clothing on stage “a major sacrifice” (and I will add, a terrible loss to that nation).

Dear Joss Stone,

Joss, I feel we never talk. True, the burden of that lies squarely on my shoulders because you don't know me and I am the one with your CDs, a television and a subscription to People, so I know all about you. I admit the main thing keeping me from introducing myself to you is that I am totally nervous because you are this amazing soul singer and though I do have a soul, I doubt it translates into melodic crooning in any capacity.

Even if we were best friends acquaintances, I realize that you probably wouldn't have much time to talk to me because you are a busy singer-songwriter. These days you are even busier because you are the new face of Coco Mademoiselle; you just wrapped the movie Snappers, where you play a lesbian (I have already reserved my ticket on Fandango, so in case you were thinking about it, I cannot attend the premiere with you); and now I hear that Barack Obama has asked you to sing his campaign song for the presidential election. Wow, that is an honor.

Are you nervous? I mean, that is a huge. You would be joining a prestigious list of such great artists who have lent their voices to presidential campaigns, like Fleetwood Mac who let Bill Clinton use their song "Don't Stop" for the 1992 election. John Fogerty voiced the song for George W. Bush's campaign with "Fortunate Son." (Were truer words ever sung, Joss? I suppose only if a song titled "Nepotism Is Awesome" existed.) And more recently, John McCain has been using ABBA's hit song "Take a Chance on Me" (although between me and you, I'd rather not).

Move over Dark Knight, step aside Iron Man: Ladies, it’s our turn to save the world. Coming this summer winter to theaters DVD is the new live-action animated feature film, Wonder Woman. Sure, this version of Wonder Woman won’t be breaking any weekend records at the box office, but judging by this movie poster, it could have if only given the chance.

Despite its straight to DVD status, the cast behind this new animated flick appears to have all the benchmarks of a could-be-blockbuster: Keri Russell is the voice of Wonder Woman, Virginia Madsen is Wonder Woman's mother, Queen Hippolyta; Rosario Dawson is Diana's Amazon rival Artemis; and Alfred Molina is Ares, Wonder Woman’s nemesis.

Comic book fans can take heart in knowing that this version stays true to the original story. The movie will tell the story of how Wonder Woman came to be, beginning with her origin as an Amazon princess. Keri Russell said of her character: "She's a true, strong warrior, but she's also right at the break of being a young woman standing on her own and fighting out in the world.” I hear you sister — who among us hasn’t been there? (Sans the whole warrior thing.)

Lesbians are popping up in the darndest places. Twenty years ago you would need a magnifying glass and the best gaydar detector money could buy to find an out lesbian actress on television, never mind a show that depicted one. Nowadays we have our very own series that is based solely on the lives of gay women loving, laughing, lying, lamenting and other L-related activities; we have cable stations like Logo that give us all gay programming all the time; and more and more networks television shows are incorporating bi/lesbian characters into their programs (hat tip, Grey’s). To further our quest to conquer the world, celesbians and actresses that play some of our favorite gay women are infiltrating another frontier — television ads.

The other night while watching some reality show I can't get enough of I was treated to not one, not two, but three commercials featuring some of my most beloved ladies in entertainment today. Yes, the commercial break — that universal time when millions of people choose to get up, stretch, refill that satisfying beverage, or tend to nature’s call — is now featuring ads staring our favorite ladies trying selling us things that we may not even want. (But the point is they are there and visibility matters.)

I’m sure we have all seen Ellen’s American Express commercials by now. Her ads are as widely known as her sexuality. Ellen has built her career on knocking down barriers and starring in this ad campaign is another accomplishment to add to that list. What other out celebrity of this magnitude would be signed on by such a huge company to sell its product? Kudos to Ellen, a card carrying lesbian and our favorite American Express card member.

And this commercial is "I-wish-I-was-that-dollop-of –yogurt-on-the-end-of-that-spoon good." No, no, this commercial is "I-don’t-want-anyone-else–to-ever-sell-me-yogurt-but-Leisha good." We all heard about how yogurt is the definitive product for women, but now thanks to Leisha, Yoplait can be the definitive product for women who love women.

Keira Knightley is standing up for women with small boobs everywhere. The actress is taking a stand against having images from her new film altered in order to form a more ideal (read: intangible) composition of perfection. Knightley is refusing digital enhancement of her breasts in publicity photos for her upcoming movie The Duchess.

Knightley is no stranger to criticisms of her body. Her weight has often been a topic of debate among the media because some believe her to be far too skinny. More recently, Knightley received criticism of photographs from her previous film King Arthur. The actress had given studio executives the green light to give her pictures a photographic boob job. Take a look at the before and after:

Hmm, looks like there is definitely more than just a couple of graphic Kleenexes stuffed beneath those leather straps. Knightley does admit that at the time when the studio approached her for permission to do this she replied, “OK fine, I honestly don’t give a s---.’" The back lash that followed proved to have been a learning experience for Knightley who is currently well, giving a s---.

Elizabeth Berkley is back in the spotlight. I don’t know how exactly this all happened — all I know is that I went to bed one night and the next day I woke up to find out that Berkley will be guest starring opposite Jennifer Beals in the final season of The L Word; then after another night’s rest, I woke up to find that she has signed on to get her own reality show on MTV based on the self-esteem workshops for teen girls that Berkley has developed.

That’s right: Elizabeth Berkley is an adviser to young women everywhere. Should we be nervous?

Amy Bailey, the Vice President of Development at MTV, said Berkley approached them with the idea for the reality series. Bailey said, "She does these workshops around the country with teen girls and gets them to really open up about their issues, like self-esteem and body issues. We had been looking for a program that tackled the same issues, so it seemed like a perfect match."

It’s not surprising that of all the singers to pick from, Feist was chosen to be on Sesame Street to help kick off their 39th season, which premieres August 11th. Her monster hit single “1,2,3,4” has been reworked into “1,2,3,4 Monsters Crawling Across The Floor” in order to help teach the kiddies learn to count to four. I mean, who cares about learning to count from five to infinitive when Feist is singing to you?

So are you ready to see the cutest thing in the world? There is happy music, singing chickens and penguins, so consider yourself warned. You may want to find someone’s cheeks to grab onto because you are going to want to squeeze the heck out of them once you are done watching the video.

Has counting to four ever been so joyful? Watching that makes me want to buy the world a coke, hug each and every one of you and maybe even adopt four dancing penguins. I love counting to four.

In the past the linster has given us good reason to tune into NBC’s Chuck, now here is another: Jordana Brewster has signed on to the series as the former flame of the show’s title character and will be appearing for at least three episodes.

Brewster's character Jill is Chuck’s old girlfriend from college that broke his heart. Executive producer of the show, Josh Schwartz said this about her character’s relationship with Chuck:

He always has imagined seeing her again, and being able to impress her with all he's accomplished. Unfortunately, when he does meet her, he's doing a computer install and she's a brilliant, successful, beautiful doctor working to create antibodies to horrible diseases.

Ouch. Poor Chuck. That moment gets filed under: P for Painfully embarrassing life instance that will haunt you forever.

Cannes, Toronto, and Tribeca are all home to famous film festivals. Thanks to Tilda Swinton, we can now add her hometown of Nairn to that list. You know Nairn — the adorable seaside town in northeast Scotland? Not ringing any bells? Well now you may know it as the new home of the Swinton’s film festival: The Ballerina Ballroom Cinema of Dreams. The festival is her attempt to “re-inject some romance into the film festival circuit."

Swinton’s style of festival is very simple and much different than all the other festivals out there: no red carpets, no hordes of paparazzi, and no blockbuster movie premieres.

Tickets to attend the festival (which runs August 15-23) will cost a moviegoer three pounds ($6) OR a tray of baked goods. That’s right: in place of currency Tilda will take your cupcakes. And she wants it homemade folks, no Entenmann’s or Little Debbie’s will be garner you admittance. Tilda wants your baking sweat and tears in exchange for cinema. Try showing up with a Duncan Hines to Robert Dinero’s Tribeca Film Festival and you may get more than just, "Are you looking at me with that strudel?" (I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.)

To add to this casual theme, movie viewings in the ballroom will take place on (are you ready for this?) cushy beanbags! Tilda has eliminated the need to worry about someone stealing your armrest or your beverage holder. Have I died and gone to movie theater heaven? I hope the Lowes theater people are taking notes.

Have you ever wondered which TV shows came thisclose to getting an Emmy nomination and never did? No? Well regardless, the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences (aka the people that give out the Emmy awards) are now letting us know who those losers shows will be.

Recently they announced the official Top Ten Finalists for both Outstanding Drama Series as well as Outstanding Comedy Series — with no official mention of the actors or actresses, supporting or otherwise, that may be in contention. Who knew Emmy could be such a tease?

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the Academy released this information: “In an unprecedented move designed to head off the kind of cyberspace leaks that have played havoc with the nomination process the past two years.”

Really? There has been internet “havoc”? And by "havoc" do they mean public speculation? Forums on discussion? Emmy buzz? I thought these were all good things that would inevitably lead to getting people to actually sit through three hours of Emmy award distribution. Clearly I know nothing about award shows.

Here is a peak at the nominees that may get nominated, or may not get nominated (in case you are a "glass half-empty" kind of person.)

Top 10 Comedy Series Semi-Finalists

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
Pushing Daisies
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty
Weeds

Out of this list, only five will go on the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Emmy Finalist — or something like that. If I had to guess who those lucky final five would be, my money would be on 30 Rock (because Tina Fey is amazing and deserves all the Emmy gold they can dish out), The Office, Weeds, Ugly Betty and Two and Half Men (because they always seem to nominate this show. Does anyone out there watch this? Seriously, I’m asking.)

Is there an actress that you would see in any film, no matter what it’s about? Like literally no matter what — aliens could be attacking earth in search of the galaxy’s next pop star and you would see this movie just because insert actress name was in the movie. This is exactly how I feel about Anna Faris. I would watch her in anything.

Most of us got our first introduction to Faris in the Scary Movie films — if there was any reason at all to keep coming back for second and thirds of this trilogy, she was more than likely that reason. Faris can take the most mundane line in a movie and make it hilarious through her delivery and facial expressions. Now she is starring in the new comedy, The House Bunny, which premieres in August. Here is a peak at the trailer:

Faris plays a Playboy Playmate that has gone out to pasture at the ripe old age of 27. She is evicted from the Playboy Mansion and heads out into the world armed with only her talents as a Playboy Centerfold, which is not exactly an arsenal. Somewhere along the line she ends up finding her place as den mother to a gaggle of geeky sorority girls that could use her expertise to make them cool. (I smell makeover montage.) How do we know they are not cool? Well let’s take a look:

Before Playmate intervention (as seen in the trailer):

Glasses? Check.
Clothing that is not sewed onto their bodies? T-shirts and flannel, check.
No detection of any roused cheeks or glossy lips? None at all.
Back brace? Uh, sure.

I can credit a sleepless night (thank you, shot of espresso) and the Game Show Network for giving me my first look at the 1970’s game show Match Game. If you haven’t seen any episodes on GSN, I highly recommend dedicating a night of your choice to some retro fun. Nothing is better than watching sweet and innocent Betty White give saucy, innuendo ridden retorts or hearing Charles Nelson Riley make sly remarks commenting on his own sexuality. Sure it’s not that raunchy compared to what’s on TV now a days, but because you know that you are watching something from the early '70s you can’t help but turn into a little girl whose cheeks blush when Vicky Lawrence says the word “boobs." Suddenly you feel as though you shouldn’t be watching such things because your mother may come in and bust you.

Thankfully a new generation will get to bare witness to all the mayhem and double entendres when celebrities try to match contestants' answers in the upcoming TBS remake of Match Game.

If you aren’t familiar with how Match Game is played, I’ll give you a short tutorial: Two non-famous contestants (that I’m sure are trying to get famous) go head-to-head and try to fill in a blank that is in a sentence. The object of the game is to match your blank to the panel of celebrities’. The more celebs you match, the more points you earn. The winner gets to take home a brand new washer/dryer, or at least that’s what would happen in the '70s. I’m sure this updated version will have people taking home a few million bucks, or if they're very lucky, an iPod.

Yesterday Stuntdouble wrote about one of Entertainment Weekly's lists from their current classic list issue. Today I'm writing about another one of the many lists: a Top Ten list from Sarah Michelle Gellar in which she reveals the new classic male TV characters she wishes she could play. In response to this I have written Gellar a small letter. Eh hem.

Dear Sarah Michelle,

Can I call you Sarah? I’ll presume you've said no since I can’t hear your answer and we hardly know each other. I’m sure "Sarah" is reserved for the important people in your life such as your hubby Freddy Prinze Jr. I understand that you and I are, at this point, merely internet strangers. But I do hope that after you read this you will see that I am not so much a random blogger, but rather someone looking out for your best artistic interests and then just maybe you will email me begging me to please call you Sarah … and you in turn can call me Ree-ree.

Recently I came across the top ten list that you submitted to EW, "10 New Classic Male TV Characters you wish you could play." Now I’m sure EW approached you with that topic and that you aren’t sitting around in your home in Hollywood somewhere cussing the breasts and reproductive organs that are preventing you from landing these testosterone required roles; but just in case you ever do have a private moment of truly wishing you could have played those roles I thought I would take it upon myself to offer you potential alternative roles that women have played that are on par with you classic male choices:

You chose: Ricky Stratton, Silver Spoons
Because: "He used to ride that little train around his huge house. I wanted that train when I was a kid."

Suggested Female Equivalent: Punky Brewster, Punky Brewster
Because: OK, I admit I wanted that train too and the sports car-shaped bed he slept in, but that is no reason to pine for that role. Punky Brewster is a far meatier role for you than merely playing a spoiled rich kid. Punky was an orphan who was adopted by a widower. Hello? It is a kid actor’s dream role. Punky’s sparkly personality out weighs Ricky Stratton’s bank account. Her wardrobe is adorably free spirited complete with crazy color combinations, mismatched shoelaces and side pony tales. Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Ricky is tucking his salmon colored polo shirt into his chinos. Lame.