StuntDouble's blog

Writing for AfterEllen.com these last few months has been like standing in a post-apocalyptic, Leno-strewn wasteland of nothingness, as blogger after blogger has gloated over the return of her TV girlfriend to the fall schedule. All my feelings of dystopian loneliness shifted last night, though, when NBC finally announced that Chuck will return in January, with a three-hour, two-night geek-fest of Buymoria proportions!

Welcome back, Sarah Walker.

Chuck's comeback from last year's cancellation bubble is now the story of TV legend.

Last night's Gossip Girl was a throwback to the Pilot in a dozen ways, framed within a re-imagined fairy tale (so very Blair), accented with "Fame Monster" (so very Serena). Plus, lots of flipping and writhing from Lady Gaga, and flashbacks of flipping and writhing from Vanessa, Dan and Olivia. Double plus, Dan Humphrey uttered the greatest sentence to ever enter the canon of English phrases: "You want me to write a Snow White Lady Gaga musical to be directed by Blair Waldorf?"

Correct, Dan Humphrey. It will be your life's greatest accomplishment — after that threesome, of course.

Now, into the recap machine, all of you!

Just in time for the holidays, Crystal Chappell's Venice has dropped its first trailer and set a release date. (Happy Thanksgiving/Christmakkuh!)

The much talked about web series featuring former Guiding Light costars Chappell and Jessica Leccia will debut on Dec. 4 and the first teaser is enough to make any Otalia fan's heart burst with glee.

That's a lot of plot for 12 six-minute episodes! It's also more lesbian affection than Guiding Light managed in many, many seasons.

Australia's Hungry Beast is attempting to conquer a conundrum near-and-dear to anyone who's ever had an opinion about Katy Perry: Fake Lesbianism. In a two-minute video available on their site, actual gay Monique Schafter goes up against straight lady Veronica in a fisticuffs cage match about fauxmosexuality.

The intro: "We all know there are only two types of lesbians — Katy 'I kissed a girl, and I liked it' Perry and real ones like Ruby Rose."

Monique's argument:

I am sick of straight girls pashing [that's Aussie for passionate kissing] to get attention: Madonna and Britney, Drew Barrymore and that girl from Juno, and even try-hard lezo twins, The Veronicas. Such a lame marketing ploy. I'm complaining because they're only doing it to drum up publicity, and they're not even gay.

Dear Tila Tequila,

The Internet is buzzing today because you "came out" as a lesbian on Twitter last night. I believe the exact succession of revelation went something like this:

As my good friend Dorothy Snarker says, the LGBT community is a bit of an "umbrella for sexual otherness." Whether you identify as lesbian or bisexual, there is plenty of room for you under the canopy. So, hello — again.

Yesterday, BBC 2 released details about their forthcoming drama based on the life of Anne Lister, including the working title, which unfortunately is not Anne Lister: Original Lez. Instead, the BBC has given the project the properly titillating title The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister.

Maxine Peake will star as Anne Lister, about whom Peake said:

[She] was a extraordinary woman who, up to recently, has only really been documented in lesbian history. Hopefully, with this film and documentary, she will reach a wider audience exposing them to this inspirational and formidable woman. I am honored but petrified to be embarking on the role of such a pioneering lady!

Anne Lister is considered by many to be the first modern lesbian. She was a contemporary of Jane Austen, and while Jane was penning biting social critique that frowned on single women riding in open carriages with men, or, you know, talking about their feelings, Anne Lister was compiling a four million word diary.

Having conquered the big screen, the small screen, the stage and Twitter, Jane Lynch is turning her attention to the final frontier: the video game console. The ubiquitous quipster is the fresh face and voice of Xbox, and their new marketing slogan — "It's more fun time!" — fits her perfectly.

In addition to starring in XBox's ptint ads and TV spots, Jane narrates the "more fun time" experience at XBox.com.

She also participated in some hilarious behind-the-scenes interviews while she was shooting the commercials. In the first one she answers the question: Are you real?

Well, Lizzie McGuire is a woman now. A woman and a vampire. A woman and a vampire and an Arthurian legend. I guess you don't get to be all three of those things without summoning up some serious pluck, and that's exactly what she did when she initiated her night of NYU passion with Dan and Vanessa.

Lots of people are saying they can't believe V would do such a thing — but c'mon: How did we meet Vanessa Abrams? She kept climbing in Dan's window while he was making out with Serena! V's been chasing down a threesome since season one.

I suppose you could argue that Vanessa and Olivia's lip-lock played into that Katy Perry school of cherry chapstick, but in the UES — where the space-time continuum does not exist and Serena van der Woodsen writes speeches for Congressmen — it totally works.

Maybe I was punch drunk from spending the day watching the Health Care Reform debate on C-Span or something, but this weekend, Taylor Swift made me laugh louder than any Saturday Night Live host/musical guest in recent memory. I giggled particularly hard at her opening monologue, the Twilight spoof and the Bunny Business promo (which we'll get to later), but the best sketch of the night was "Roomies."

And by "best" I mean "gayest."

And not gay in that subtext-y "Oh, those two chicks have chemistry" kind of way, but in the "Someone secretly filmed every date I went on in high school and college and turned it into an SNL skit" kind of way.

After a self-promotion campaign that involved everything from waiting on hold at Harpo in front of a live studio audience to sending Justin Timberlake on an emissary mission, Ellen DeGeneres' quest to share the cover of O Magazine with Oprah has finally come to fruition. And today, The Oprah Winfrey Show is having "An Oprah Exclusive Event: Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia de Rossi!"

Oprah revealed two of the four possible O Magazine covers at Oprah.com this morning, and revealed the final two on her show today.

One of the high points on last year's LGBT Roller Coaster Ride of Terror was Wanda Sykes coming out as gay and married. It's not every day our community gets an intelligent, hilarious, high-profile woman of color as a spokesperson — especially one that isn't afraid pull punches.

This Saturday night (Nov. 7), Fox is launching The Wanda Sykes show, which should be the perfect platform for Sykes to push as many buttons as the FCC will allow.

Wanda has been making the daytime talk show rounds over the last few weeks, stopping in to chat with Oprah, Joy Behar on HLN and the women of The View. In every interview, she's spoken openly and affectionately about her wife and their six-month-old twins.

Greg Rucka, the writer responsible for Detective Comics' relaunch of the baddest-ass Batwoman in history, is adding another lesbian to the comic book canon — this time in his own series, Stumptown.

Stumptown is a pulpy PI story that follows down-on-her-luck gambler/private investigator Dex as she tries to wiggle her way out of debt and keep her PI firm, Stumptown Investigations, from going bankrupt. When Rucker opens on Dex, though, her firm seems like the least of her worries.

(It'd be the least of my worries too, if I was stuffed into the trunk of the car.)

There's a ménage à trois going down on next week's Gossip Girl, and it involves three of these people:

(Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep the van der Humphs from colliding on that chart?)

The CW has been hyping the threesome (Sweeps-some?) for weeks now, leaking bogus spoilers to counter the actual spoilers. Every entertainment site is predicting potential groupings, but there's no site more dedicated to girls kissing than us, so you know we've got to weigh in.

Step One: Process of elimination.

When Sheryl Swoopes was unceremoniously waived from from the Seattle Storm in February, it was a kick in the gut to women's basketball fans everywhere — especially lesbians. Swoopes was the matriarch of the WNBA, and one of the only openly gay women in the league. So it warms the crusty cockles of my cynical heart to tell you that she is returning to the court this weekend in an exhibition game against the University of Montana.

Swoopes will be playing with Northwest Sports, an amateur traveling team — but if you're imagining her huffing-and-puffing up and down the floor like a has-been Big Bad Wolf, think again: Swoopes has been working out daily in hopes of getting picked up by a WNBA team in 2010.

This summer she told The Seattle Times: "I honestly feel like the opportunity is still there. I feel like I should be playing and I could really be helping a team right now. I'm not retired!"

We've got a Gossip Girl Facebook recap for you today, but before we hack into the UES' social network, we have got to talk about the total Gay Fest that was "The Grandfather: II." There was Blair asking out another girl, Chuck's "Don't tell me after 18 years, you can't read Waldorf subtext," Blair and Serena's heartbreaking look of longing across the street, and Blair lying awake in bed missing Serena.

The whole thing played like an angsty Waldsen fanfic, set to a soundtrack by McG. I mean, you guys, Blair hired a call girl to make Serena jealous. I like it! I say: more of it!

Now, on to the recap!

Out lesbian stylist Tabatha Coffey returns to Bravo tonight for a second season of Tabatha's Salon Takeover, and in a two-minute clip of the first episode, we get a five "f--k offs!", one "go to hell, you f--king b--ch" and one "maybe you were born an a--hole" from a colorist at the salon being taken over.

Of course Tabatha is as cool as the breeze of her homeland in Surfer's Paradise, Australia: "I may have been born an a--hole, but at least I'm really good at what I do."

Rosie O'Donnell's resume reads like a variety show — Emmy-award winning talk show host, Broadway star, stand-up comic, author, blogger, actress, magazine mogul, activist — and today she's adding radio pundit to the list when Rosie Radio premieres on Sirius XM.

The best part of the new gig, according to Rosie? She doesn't have to wear a bra.

Sirius XM's description of Rosie Radio is one of the best things I've read in a press release this year:

For two hours daily Rosie will have a forum to explore any topic, issue, or event on her mind. Topics and guests will be driven by Rosie's numerous passions, interests, and hobbies.

With November Sweeps almost upon us, we thought it would be a good time to take a sampling of our favorite TV characters and analyze how well they've played their power so far this season. Who's got enough power to become a dictator, and who needs to go ahead and retire from that governorship? Results below!

Ladies and ladies, may I present to you something you never knew you always wanted? Kelly Kapoor in a leopard print leotard and gold tights:

Kelly Kapoor working a wedding dress:

Kelly Kapoor meets auto-tune:

The LGBT community has another reason to thank Bea Arthur for being a friend: Yesterday, the Ali Forney Center, a New York safe shelter for homeless gay youths, announced that the late, great Golden Girl left $300,000 to them in her will.

The Ali Forney Center's executive director, Carl Siciliano, said in a statement, "We are overwhelmed with gratitude that Bea saw that LGBT youth deserve as much love and support as any other young person, and that she placed so much value in the work we do to protect them, and to help them rebuild their lives."

The center plans to purchase a new building to house 12 additional youths with the funds bequeathed by Bea Arthur, and name it in her honor.

OK, show of hands: How many of you shouted at the TV last night when Blair said, "Now either make me kiss a girl already or move on!"?

I did. I shouted. I said, "Do it then, Waldorf! Serena is standing right beside you!"

Alas, it did not happen. It was a weird night all-around for the gays. Serena and Blair broke up; Eric got yogurt-ed; Jonathan got egged; Dan the Lez tried to determine the difference between "freaking out" and "processing." And don't even get me started on Serena's boobs. There's not enough room in all the recaps in all the world. Those things are out of control.

Gossip Girl's got something to tell you about Halloween:

After a long run, Kate Cook was voted of Australian Idol this weekend, finishing the competition in sixth place.

It's been a tumultuous, emotional journey for the self-professed "down-to-earth country-bumpkin" from Lowood, Australia. I confess that I teared up when I watched her elimination — and I'm not even from Australia!

Last week, during her trip home, Cook met and sang with Australian country music star Troy Cassar-Daley. On her Idol blog, she wrote:

Last month, I attended a Fox conference call with Super Gay Jane Lynch, and even though we were supposed to keep our conversation Glee-full, plenty of us were able to sneak in questions about Party Down. (One New York Post reporter told Lynch that she really hurt her feelings by leaving the the show).

Lynch hinted that she might revisit to the Starz cult comedy, and yesterday E! broke the news that she will, indeed, be back for the season two finale. And bonus good news: Kristen Bell is returning too!

According to E!, Lynch's character, Constance, is getting married in the season two finale, and the Party Down catering team will be handling the event.

Last night Sarah Warn Tweeted an astute assessment of Thursday night TV:

It's true! Even with a DVR that lets me watch one thing and record two other things at the exact same time, it still takes Saturday and Hulu for me to catch up. I take TV seriously — I mean, I have a spreadsheet — so I understand the gravity of what I'm about to say. Deep breath.

Ahem.

Parks and Recreation is the best thing going on Thursday nights (better, I think, than 30 Rock). And here are seven reasons you should be watching.

Halloween is almost upon us! Time to dust off your copy of It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! and restock that Halloween candy you bought two weeks ago and promised yourself you'd save for the trick-or-treaters. (You do it every year!) Halloween also means a solid block of spooky programming. If you can't find Beetlejuice on TV in the next ten days, you're just not trying.

Want a sneak peek at how your favorite TV characters are dressing up? We've got that and a list of Halloween-themed episodes that are coming your way in the next few days!

Monday, Oct. 26 — Gossip Girl is all new with "How To Succeed in Business." Blair shouts at Dorota to tell the UES kids there's no prepackaged joy for them at her house! And then she and Serena dress as — flappers? Serena's boobs are dressed as Serena's boobs.

Monday, Oct. 26 — Castle's "Vampire Weekend" follows Castle and Beckett as they track down a vampire-fetishist murderer. Castle's got a Poe thing going on (nice Raven) and Dr. Parish is working the classic cleavage kitty.