Mustachio Jack and LadyPirate try to convince another pirate to help them, and when that fails, LadyPirate suggests ditching Vane. Mustachio Jack looks at her like she’s losing her mind and says that staying with Vane is their only shot to not having to wash piss buckets for the rest of their lives. Their bonding session is interrupted by Mr. Noonan, who is none too pleased that they took Max from him. Surely Eleanor was paying a pretty penny to keep her all to herself, and Mr. Noonan is feeling the financial hit. LadyPirate grumbles at them, and suddenly it dawns on Mustachio Jack doesn’t like that they’ve been holding Max hostage.
No shit, Sherlock.
Mr. Guthrie, all gussied up and wearing that would make Cher nauseous, approaches the Gunman to chat about his weapons. He asks to speak to him alone, but Eleanor doesn’t mind, because she has men standing by in case this deal doesn’t go her way. Mr. Scott is mad — she lied to him, probably for the first time ever.
But Eleanor seems to have lost her spark. Her candle was snuffed out by the very person who lit it in the first place. So she needs this plan to work. She needs to do everything in her power to make sure Flint gets the treasure, to make sure she can get the island to flourish. Otherwise she threw away a life with Max for no reason; otherwise she made the ultimate sacrifice in vain.
I just want to hug her and tell her everything will be all right.
Thankfully, when the man emerges, he tells her that the guns are hers, so she doesn’t have to do anything rash.
Mr. Guthrie pulls Mr. Scott aside and tells him that he has a plan for the island. He says that a place run by a woman and a black man weren’t meant to last, and that she needs to be saved from herself. He’s awfully cocky for someone being held hostage by a pirate but I guess he’s still technically in charge. I hope Eleanor feeds him to the sharks.
Eleanor visits Flint to tell him that she’s secured the guns and they drink to this endeavor. Flint is still spinning his web of dreams and everyone is all tangled up in it. While they’re toasting to relentless optimism, a strong wind blows and uproots the Wrong Tree, and everyone runs to try to get out from under the falling ship. The Crazy Cook sees a kitty and runs back to save him, but gets squished under the boat himself. (Don’t worry the cat was okay.)
Flint and Wally try to dig him out quickly, the ship still having a little more squishing to do, but Eleanor points out it’s taking too long. Silver drops a machete at their feet and Flint, his eyes even wilder than usual, hacks the man’s leg right off.
They get the Crazy Cook out just in time, fine but missing a leg. Wally, however, wasn’t so lucky. That Flint-hater got squashed like a bug, so the secrets he knew live only with Billy and Gates.
Billy wonders out loud to Gates why he’s so willing to lie for and blindly follow Flint. Gates suggests it’s because he knows Flint’s right. Billy suggests it’s because he’s afraid of Flint. I suggest it’s because he has a big lesbian crush on him.
After being called a witch by a little boy throwing stones, Mrs. Barlow decides to play the piano for a bit. Mr. Guthrie returns, and takes this opportunity — feeling braver in his nice clothes (though thankfully he removes the terrifying wig) — to tell Mrs. Barlow everything he knows about her history. I believe, in literature, this is called an “infodump.” In real life, surely Mrs. Barlow would have cut him off at some point and been like, “Yeah, I know, I was there,” but for our sake, she lets him continue.
Mrs. Barlow’s husband, Thomas, was the son of a lord proprietor of the Bahamas Islands. She had a torrid affair with her husband’s best friend, which led him to go mad with grief. He eventually took his own life in an asylum.
Mr. Guthrie has concluded that this lover was none other than Captain Flint, and claims he wants to help her. He basically wants to take her into Witness Protection. He says they’ll go to Boston, where they can both find absolution, if only she will set him free.
Back in his cesspool, Vane wakes up mid-opium high from a light touch of Eleanor’s hand.
Not a bad way to wake up
She’s speaking softly and kindly to him, which is the first sign that this is not the real Eleanor, but an echo of her. She tells him that she left him because when they were together, she looked weak. When it was the two of them, it was a captain and his girl. She said that he knew she would never settle for that, for being less than. He claimed that’s why he loved her, but then he destroyed him. Hallucination Eleanor then tells him that he could take the island from her, and Vane snaps awake. He sees the Burly Man again, just for an instant.
Inspired, Vane stumbles out of his tent, but is almost instantly attacked by Mr. Noonan and his crew, who are still demanding Max’s return. Vane responds by vomiting all over him. Noonan gives the order to kill Vane, but in a series of unfortunate events, the gun backfires, and Vane kills them all instead.
Meanwhile, Mr. Scott is overseeing the gun hand-off…by knocking out one of Eleanor’s men. When Eleanor and Flint watch the boat take off much too quickly and riding far too low, they realize that the guns must still be on board. Flint, his eyes wild, say they must get them back.
What did you think of “IV”? Is anyone else ready for the women of this show to start castrating people left and right?