Beyoncé set to shine in new “A Star Is Born,” but with whom?

I am about to give you some information that will make you have one of three reactions: 1) Scream with joy, 2) Scream with horror or 3) Blink silently into the sun with shock after momentarily losing the ability to speak. Clint Eastwood is going to direct Beyoncé in a musical remake of A Star Is Born.

What the whuck? According to Deadline.com, the unlikely pairing is actually happening. So let’s process this as best we can. First, let’s discuss Beyoncé. Everyone loves Beyoncé. Have you heard her sing? Have you seen her dance? Yeah, no one can really say anything bad about Beyoncé because she is awesome and also we’re a little bit afraid of Jay-Z. So, excellent, bring it Queen B.

Second, let’s talk about Clint. He is at first glance an odd choice for a musical given his recent string of very earnest, very dramatic directing turns from Mystic River to Million Dollar Baby to Letters from Iwo Jima. But those who know more of his background know his lifelong love of music. He has directed films about music or musicians (Play Misty for Me, Bird) and composed the score to other films (Mystic River, Grace Is Gone, Changeling). So, Clint – strange as it may seem – should do just fine.

Third, let’s talk about the movie. This movie is no stranger to remakes. It seemed for a while that every 20 or so years, someone got the idea to dust off the concept of a Hollywood ingenue on the rise who meets with an alcoholic veteran on the decline. The original came out in 1937 with Janet Gaynor and Fredric March. Then it was remade in 1954 with Judy Garland and James Mason. And then 1976 brought Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson and a million first dances set to “Evergreen.”

The project has been in the rumor staged with various directors and stars attached for years. But the Eastwood and Beyoncé news is the first to be confirmed. It will be written by William Fetters, whose previous screenwriting credits include the Robert Pattinson indie weepie Remember Me and the upcoming Zac Efron film, The Lucky Ones, a Nicholas Sparks book adaptation. So he seems well versed in melodrama. I will not use the word schlock, I will not use the word schlock — damn.

The male lead has yet to be cast. Warner Brothers apparently had hoped to pair Beyoncé with Will Smith, but Deadline.com says other names that have been floated include Robert Downey Jr. and Jon Hamm. Um, OK, those don’t seem random at all. Look, if they really want to make a memorable remake, I have a suggestion. Cast a woman. How about Angela Bassett or Catherine Zeta-Jones or – wait for it – Madonna? Think about it, Madonna as the boozy star on her way out. The spectacle of the thing is simply irresistible.

So, what do you think? Which reaction did you have to the news? And who should play opposite Beyoncé? Love it? Hate it? Hey, stop blinking into the sun, I asked you a question.

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