My two secret powers are discovering lesbian subtext in everything and mishearing lyrics. So, when I first listened to Beyoncé‘s new song, “If I Were a Boy” I just wrote it off as my powers acting up.
But then I heard it again, and I thought to myself, “Beyoncé, sweetheart, you don’t want to be a boy; you want to be a lesbian.”
To wit: these are the things Beyoncé wants to do as a boy:
1) Wear whatever the heck she wants to wear.
2) Drink beer.
3) Chase after girls.
4) Kick it with her loyal friends.
5) Make the rules as she goes.
6) Understand how it feels to love a woman.
I’ve created a little comic strip called, “If I Were a Gay.” It’s based on The L Word‘s fifth season, and all the text is straight from Beyoncé’s mouth. I hope to help her find what she’s looking for.
If I were gay, even just for a day…
Unfortunately, Beyoncé’s song ends weirdly with the moral being that she wants to be a boy so her boyfriend can be a girl so that she (as him) can treat him (as her) like poop, to see how he likes it for a change. Or something.
Watch for yourself:
Personally, I like my version better.