Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (September 19, 2008)

Starlet du jour Megan Fox revealed in a new GQ cover story that she briefly dated a Russian stripper named Nikita.

Oh, honey, haven’t we all?

The Transformers star told the magazine they met after Fox began living on her own in Los Angeles at age 18:

Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided — oh man; sorry, Mommy! — that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop (a strip club on Sunset Boulevard). I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl… I was there all the time — I would go there by myself. I bought her things — perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man. I felt like I had this need to save Nikita. I’d get lap dances so I could get to know her, and I’d give her what I thought were great little sound bites of inspiration — like ‘You can do it, you’re better than this!’ I didn’t want her to be there.

So why Nikita? “She smelled like angels.”

Besides smelling like divinity (which apparently smells like vanilla, in case you were wondering), Fox describes Nikita as a “tough badass” who was “sadistic and sarcastic and funny” and did “beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads.” Someone call Cinemax After Dark, I’ve got the perfect script to pitch to them.

The revelation came as part of a frank, brash interview the 22-year-old actress gave to the magazine that covered everything from her dislike for what Disney does to its young stars (“F*** Disney”) to her love of comics and their fans (“They’re not nerds. They’re just passionate.”) to her hatred of the double standard (“I should be able to talk about sex the same way any man can.”).

Still, after spilling her Sapphic beans, Fox seemed to think better of her candidness to the interviewer:

I don’t want it to come off as a Lindsay Lohan vibe. You know? Are you going to push an ‘Is she a lesbian’ angle? Oh man, you are going to do that to me… Look, I’m not a lesbian — I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing. And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but… Oh boy.

She had me at Olivia Wilde. She lost me at Jenna Jameson.

So, then, did GQ indeed push the “Is she a lesbian?” angle? I’ll just let their all-caps, exclamation-pointed headline answer that for you: “MEGAN FOX WAS A TEENAGE LESBIAN!” Subtle, very subtle.

But then, these were also some of the photos GQ chose to illustrate Fox’s teenage lesbian Russian stripper dating.

Seriously, someone get me that number for Cinemax.

by Dorothy Snarker

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