Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (September 12, 2008)

 
 

AFTERELLEN.COM IS BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN
We can’t blame The Sun for wanting to latch on to a good thing. I mean, publishing a list of women who lesbians think are hot is brilliant. Brilliant, I tell you!

But something smells a bit, er, fishy about The Sun’s “Women We’d Love to Love” list.

Don’t get me wrong — every woman on The Sun’s list is indeed hot. No. 1 is Rachel Weisz, who was No. 50 on AfterEllen.com’s Hot 100. Weisz gets major Sapphic points for playing bi in Definitely Maybe.

But this is how the “surveyed lesbians” allegedly described her: “From her woman in peril in the first two Mummy movies to her Academy Award winning turn in The Constant Gardener, Rachel Weisz is one gorgeous English gal with a whole lot of range.”

Excuse me, “one gorgeous English gal?” When have you ever heard a lesbian describe a woman in those terms? Maybe the phrasing is less condescending in the UK than it sounds to us ’merican speakers. I trust our readers from across the pond will let us know.

No. 2 on the list is Nicole Kidman, 84 on our Hot 100. Indeed, Kidman is lovely.

“Voters said it was the 41-year-old’s stockings and suspenders in the hit musical movie ‘Moulin Rouge’ that turned them on.”

I realize that “suspenders” refers to what we usually call garters (although I bet Nicole in the other kind of suspenders and stockings would be pretty hot, too). And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice her stunning, um, visage. But the phrasing bothers me. It sounds like something a straight man would say.

And, honestly, I find Kidman even more appealing in a role like The Interpreter, in which she plays a tough, intelligent, independent woman.

Minnie Driver came in third for being “gorgeous and wickedly funny.” OK, that’s more like it. At least they’re acknowledging that she has a personality.

AfterEllen.com favorite Kate Winslet comes in at No. 4. She was 15th on this year’s Hot 100.

At this point, we have to deduce that the list was restricted to British and Australian actresses, which makes me wonder why Winslet isn’t No. 1. Heavenly Creatures anyone?

Rounding out The Sun’s list are
5. Naomi Watts (Hot 100 No. 92)
6. Keira Knightley (31)
7. Thandie Newton
8. Emily Blunt (41)
9. Catherine Zeta-Jones
10. Cate Blanchett (36)

Watts, Knightley and Blunt all have played lesbians on film. (Whether you include Blanchett’s portrayal of Katharine Hepburn is entirely up to you.)

But I’m skeptical. Who are these 4,000 lesbians? How did The Sun determine that the voters were, in fact, lesbians? Did voters come up with these celebrity names out of the blue, or did they have a list to choose from? I just can’t imagine these 10 women would come to mind before, oh, Kate Beckinsale. Or Rachel Shelley. Or Scarlett Johansson. And what self-respecting lesbian would list 10 hot British/Aussie/Kiwi actresses with no mention of Lucy Lawless? I suggest we take a closer look at this list. Much, much closer.

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“The easiest sex scene I have done was in Mulholland Drive. That’s because it was with another woman. There was no awkwardness and there was no sexual tension.”
— Naomi Watts, who must be lying, to Showbiz Spy

— by the linster

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