Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (Sept. 21, 2007)


My own personal monarch, Queen Latifah, is on the cover of the September issue of Glamour, looking great as usual.

But you can’t judge a glamour girl by her cover photo. Inside the magazine, Latifah’s words are less than pretty — in fact, I feel inspired to remake “Had It Up 2 Here.”

Glamour: It’s always said about male actors that the minute they’re presumed gay, it’s a sign they’ve really made it.

Latifah: Sweet! That’s cool. I don’t know if that works for female actors, though. Luckily, this gay thing hasn’t messed up my appeal to the gentlemen, because I have never had any problems meeting men. Maybe they get turned on by the idea of that!

Yes, that alone is enough to make you want to tell her what she can do with her royal scepter, but it gets worse. Here’s how she feels about gay marriage:

Glamour: Do you have an opinion on gay marriage?

Latifah: I don’t know that it should be called marriage. But the idea of it is the same, and you should have the same quality of rights that a married person has. People think of marriage as something that is between a man and a woman, because it was created by God. Well, let God handle the judgment, too. You stay out of it.

The Queen backpedaled a little during a phone interview that included the gay publication Dallas Voice. Interviewer Daniel A. Kusner pointed out that disallowing the term marriage sometimes means denying the protection of domestic violence laws. Here’s Latifah’s response:

"I do support anyone who wants to be married, and I support gays and lesbians having the same rights as anyone else. So no, I don’t agree that gays and lesbians should not be protected against domestic violence, and to even try to goad me into, um, condoning something like that I think is kind of a shallow move on your behalf."

OK, she has a point; that was a trap. But let me get this, uh, straight: You support us if we want to get married? But you don’t know that you want us to use the word marriage when we do? (And by us, I don’t mean you personally, Latifah, because I am definitely not trying to help you meet men.)

Meanwhile, in the October issue of Ebony, the Queen doesn’t deign to comment on rumors that she is romantically involved with her trainer, Jeanette Jenkins:

“No comment on that at all. I’m done commenting on all that … It’s ridiculous. I know me and that’s all I need to know.”

Sigh. This is all kind of disheartening. How can I unswear my fealty or get de-dubbed or whatever? Maybe I shouldn’t go that far, but I don’t think I’ll be curtseying anytime soon. That is, unless she rolls into town looking like this:

That picture is worth a thousand comments on “all that.”

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