Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (October 3, 2008)

BREAKING NEWS: MEDIA SHOCKS WORLD BY EXPLOITING COMING-OUT STORY
This week on Britain’s Radio 4, BAFTA award-winning actress and Hufflepuff head of house Miriam Margolyes shared a grievous coming-out story. When Margoyles was in her 20s, she told her mother that she’d had an affair with a woman. Several days later, her mother had a stroke, and Margolyes has been blaming herself for it for 40 years.

“I realized that telling people things that they can’t deal with is an indulgence,” she said. “It caused the person I loved most in the world a pain she could not bear. And I have to take the responsibility for that. I should have been aware that that was something I could not say.”

I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure the loss of brain function due to a disturbance in blood vessels cannot be caused by poorly received information. It sounds like something Elizabeth Bennet’s mom would have claimed in Pride and Prejudice, to be honest. But the human psyche is a tricky thing, and guilt takes lots of demonic forms.

Margolyes’ story got a lot of attention in the UK. “Margolyes’s gay confession led to mother’s stroke” and “Miriam Margolyes: ‘My confession killed my mother’” were just a few of the ridiculous headlines that sold newspapers this week.

The media loved the idea that while gay men and women seem to be coming out in droves lately, one famous lesbian wishes they’d just keep it to themselves.

“I don’t agree with actors talking about their sex life,” she said. She advised other actors to “keep such things to yourself” because of the distress they can cause.

Part of me wants to shake Miriam Margolyes, because when famous lesbians come out, it so often allows regular ol’ lesbians to follow suit. The other part of me wants to hug Miriam Margolyes, because that’s what my mom did when I came out: She jumped into the backseat of a moving car to hug me. And, whether she realizes it or not, Margolyes’ courage 40 years ago helped pave the way for that kind of celebration.

IF SHE LOSES, SHE COULD ALWAYS APPLY AS THE ASSISTANT TO THE REGIONAL MANAGER AT DUNDER-MIFFLIN
The NBC reality show America’s Toughest Jobs has wrangled itself a lesbian contest named Sandy Gabriel, and if you tell me the answers to her questionnaire at nbc.com don’t intimidate you at least a little, then you are a liar.

Here, let me summarize:

Why do you think you can win ATJ?
I refuse to lose. I outwork anyone that I’m ever next to.
What are your strengths?
I refuse to lose.
Weaknesses?
I have no weaknesses. I rock at everything I do.
What are your best qualities?
I refuse to be mediocre. I refuse to do anything half-assed.

She’s either a serious badass, or Dwight Schrute answered those questions for her. I’m hoping, for Sandy’s sake, it’s badass, because apparently one of America’s toughest jobs is bull fighting.

Also, occasionally referred to as “getting trampled.”

Even if Sandy hadn’t introduced us to her “wifey” in the first episode of America’s Toughest Jobs, we’d still know she’s a lesbian.

Just look how at home she is in those tough job hats.

— by StuntDouble

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