Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (May 30, 2008)

You’ve probably figured out by now that we have a general “No Lindsay, Paris or Britney” rule around here when it comes to covering any of the endless rumors circulating about them. But when even regular news publications (i.e., mainstream news outlets, not just the National Enquirer) are covering a “lesbian” story about one of them, we have to make exceptions — just so you don’t think we’re slacking off. (Which means what you are about to read is not evidence of the success of my "Convince Sarah Warn to Lower Her Standards" campaign, just us trying to keep you informed of what everyone else is talking about.)

In case you haven’t heard, actress Lindsay Lohan is rumored to once again be dating DJ Samantha Ronson. So why is this rumor making the rounds as "news"? Photographic evidence of Lohan and Ronson getting physical at a Cannes Film Festival party probably has a something to do with it.

Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan

The two were photographed kissing atop P. Diddy‘s party yacht, then reportedly left the party together holding hands.

And that infamous hickey photo probably hasn’t helped matters either.

When Us magazine asked Lohan’s father, Michael Lohan, about their alleged romance, he responded that it "is evident to anyone with half a brain. … Just like the [topless] Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn’t want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false."

Her father later denied that he was referencing Lindsay’s relationship with Ronson in the interview, and that his words were "twisted and misrepresented." However, he did add that Lindsay "is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God."

Clearly he was referring to the little gold mini-dress she wore to the Cannes yacht party. I mean, really, what was she thinking?

Conversely, Lohan’s mother, Dina Lohan (aka the self-proclaimed "White Oprah")
reportedly gave Ronson a big thumbs up. The Daily Mail quotes her as saying: "Samantha’s a sweetheart. She’s great — and she’s the best spinner around." (Awkward. That horrible needle scratch sound you just heard was Ronson packing up her turntables forever.)

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any gayer, numerous tabloids are reporting that Lohan and Ronson are actually engaged — as evidenced by them wearing these rings bearing each other’s initials …

… and they’re planning to get married in Dollywood this July.

OK, now they have my attention. Those bitches stole my dream wedding!

Is any of this stuff true? Who knows? And some of you may be thinking, "Who cares?" But if we do find ourselves reporting on a Ronson-Lohan wedding in BLWE this July — or even just telling you that the couple publicly confirmed their relationship — then Lohan will join the ranks of the too-small number of out actresses in Hollywood.

And if that’s what it takes to get Herbie the Lovebug leading a Gay Pride parade this summer, then I’m all for it.

Saturday morning update: when asked yesterday about Lindsay and Sam’s rumored relationship, Lindsay’s mom told OK Magazine, “If she’s happy, I’m happy. That’s all I’ll say. Samantha’s great. I’ve known her and her family for ten years.”

by Karman Kregloe

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