Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (May 16, 2008)

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT NO MORE
Portia de Rossi is set to co-star in a new ABC comedy pilot. The as-yet untitled show is from creator Victor Fresco, the consulting producer of My Name Is Earl.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the single-camera office comedy “centers on a moral guy trying to do right in an amoral world.” Is it just me, or does that sound a little like Earl?

No word yet on who is playing the “moral guy” or what Portia’s role will be. The “amoral world” in the show description is actually a large, faceless mega-corporation. So, fine, it’s like Earl meets The Office.

The show is slated for the fall season as a midseason replacement, so expect it sometime in 2009, but if you just can’t wait that long to see Portia back on your TV, tune into the Ellen DeGeneres Show today to see exclusive footage from Ellen’s 50th birthday bash last weekend. While Ellen’s birthday was back on Jan. 26, she postponed the party because of the writers strike.

And what a party it was. The event had more than 600 guests, a casino and carnival complete with Ferris wheel. Guests included newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Ryan Seacrest, Gwen Stefani, Janet Jackson and many more. It also featured a performance by Pink and deejaying by Samantha Ronson. Damn, Ellen, way to make everyone else’s birthday parties look sad and pathetic by comparison.

HOW COME NONE OF MY TEACHERS EVER LOOKED LIKE HER?
Lesbians? Boarding schools? Misguided love? Wait, wait — don’t tell me. I know this one. The combination comes together in the plot for the new period drama Cracks, which will star French beauty Eva Green as a charismatic teacher named Miss G.


Photo credit: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

While the lesbian content is not confirmed in mainstream industry press, the Q Movie Blog reports that out producer Christine Vachon has signed on to help produce the project. The film is the feature debut of Jordan Scott, daughter of acclaimed filmmaker Ridley Scott (Alien, Thelma & Louise, Gladiator). Jordan describes her film, set in an elite all-girls British boarding school in the 1930s, to British newspaper the Times as:

[A tale of] misguided love and obsession. … It reminded me a lot of Lord of the Flies. It was interesting as you always see that kind of story played out among boys. You never see it presented with a group of girls.”

Well, confirmed lesbian content or not, the “misguided love and obsession” part sure pings my gaydar. Not that this territory — cough, Lost and Delirious, cough, Loving Annabelle, cough — has been covered before or anything.

Geez, what is it with the boarding school girls? As a product of the public schools system, I’m not sure if I feel lucky or cheated to have missed out on all the misguided lesbian obsession. Wait, now that I think about it, that doesn’t sound all that different.

TWO CHICKS KISSING, COURTESY OF A GUY NAMED WOODY
The trailer for Woody Allen’s new film Vicky Cristina Barcelona was released this week, and it features a kiss between two its female stars, Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz. In fact, it’s the red-tinted darkroom scene we told you about back in February that is supposed to “leave the audience gasping.” See for yourself:

I didn’t gasp. The kiss was too short to elicit more than a hiccup. But the quirky, wordless trailer set to a little ditty about Barcelona did make me chuckle. Woody should rename the film A Whole Lotta Kissing Going On instead. It would be more accurate.

The title refers to two American tourists, Cristina (Scarlett) and Vicky (Rebecca Hall), who meet and become involved with a Spanish painter (Javier Bardem) and his ex-girlfriend (Penelope). The film reportedly includes a threesome between Javier, Scarlett and Penelope.

Um, two out of three ain’t bad?

The film premieres today at the Cannes Film Festival, so expect to hear a chorus of gasps coming from across the Atlantic.

by Dorothy Snarker

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