Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (March 16, 2007)

WHEN LESBIANS ATTACK
This week saw the DVD release of The
Pleasure Drivers
, a crime thriller whose eclectic cast includes Lauren
Holly (What Women Want, Dumb & Dumber), Jason Mewes (Jay and
Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks
), Angus Macfadyen (Saw III, Braveheart),
Lacey Chabert (Mean Girls), Rachel Dratch (30 Rock, Saturday Night Live),
Angelo Spizzirri (The Rookie), Meat Loaf, and out actress Jill
Bennett
(In Her Line of Fire).

The plot’s a little difficult to explain, but there are apparently three interconnected
stories involving a psychology professor who has lost touch with reality (Macfadyen);
a young, sociopathic call girl (Chabert); a recovering crack addict and kidnapper
(Holly); a junkyard alcoholic (Meat Loaf); a brain-damaged former cult guru
(Spizzirri); dueling gas station attendants (Dratch and Mewes); and a vicious
lesbian hitwoman played by Bennett, pictured below:

I haven’t seen the film yet, so I have no idea whether it’s any good, but a
lesbian actress playing a lesbian hitwoman with a gun? I’ll check it out. Sounds
like the plot from Smokin’ Aces before some genius screenwriter decided
to have Alicia Keys’ character fall for a guy. It’s probably about as cheery.

DORY THE FISH AND SORORITY SISTER MURPHY ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE …
Rumors are flyin’
that Ellen and Portia are getting married this summer, but it’s all based on
statements made by a single unnamed source to the National Enquirer
("Portia demanded that Ellen marry her. After lots of talk and plenty of
hints, Portia finally confronted Ellen right after the Oscars about making a
commitment.") and the story’s not being reported by any legitimate news
sources so far. That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily untrue, but it hardly warrants
the rash of headlines from other sources now claiming "Ellen and Portia
to Wed!", "Ellen Pops the Question!" and "Ellen Adopts a
Vietnamese Son!" Oh wait, I mixed that last one up with an Angelina Jolie
headline. Hard to keep all this really important celebrity news straight.

They do make an attractive couple, though!

I like the thread someone started in our forum asking who
you’d rather date, Ellen or Portia
. Hmm, that’s a tough one. But even tougher?
Choosing between the characters they’ve played. Would you date Ellen Morgan
from Ellen or Nell from Ally McBeal?
Martha from Mr. Wrong or Lindsay from Arrested
Development
? Dory from Finding Nemo or Sorority Sister Murphy
from Scream 2? I think I’m going with the animated fish on that last
one …

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