AND WITH SONG TITLES LIKE “PROMISCUOUS” AND “MANEATER”, SHE’S ALREADY EMBRACING HER INNER BISEXUAL STEREOTYPE
Portuguese-Canadian singer Nelly Furtado–who broke out in 2000 with hit singles “I’m Like a Bird” and “Turn Out the Light”, and whose new album, Loose, has already produced the hit singles “Promiscuous” and “Maneater”–was recently asked by Genre magazine if she was attracted to women, to which she gave this response:
“Absolutely. Women are beautiful and sexy. It is interesting, because I’m reading a book about Chinese medicine, which claims that people are inherently bisexual to balance their energies. And, in a way, that makes so much sense. As humans we have both male and female energies. I believe in Kurt Cobain’s statement that, in the end, everyone is gay. Everybody should have the freedom to experiment. I believe sexual experimentation is part of human history.”
It’s always nice to see more women publicly embracing bisexuality, and I think Nelly Furtado is actually kinda cool, but forgive me if I’m a little skeptical of what appears to be yet another celebrity waxing on about how she’s attracted to women, while never actually dating them. I can elaborate on the wonders of beets and lima beans, but that doesn’t make me a vegetarian, now does it?
OPRAH AND GAYLE: SITTING IN A TREE, NOT K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Lesbian rumors have long dogged Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King, who have been friends for 30 years, talk four times a day, and frequently travel together. The two friends finally decided to address the issue head on in a conversation written up in the August issue of Oprah’s magazine O.
“I understand why people think we’re gay”, said Oprah. “There isn’t a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it–how can you be this close without it being sexual?” Gayle, who is divorced, said the rumors used to bother her, because “it’s hard enough to get a date on Saturday night”, but she doesn’t care anymore. “If we were gay, we would tell you”, said Gayle, “because there’s nothing wrong with being gay.” Oprah agreed, saying: “People think I’d be so ashamed of being gay that I wouldn’t admit it? Oh, please.”
Then Gayle said, “if Oprah was a man, I’d marry her”. But Oprah was like, “Um, no offense, but if I was a man, I’d marry Halle Barry” and Gayle goes, “Who wouldn’t? She’s hot! I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for making Catwoman” And then Oprah was like, “What about Marg Helgenberger? She can investigate me anytime!” and Gayle was like…oh, just read the transcript for yourself here.
I SEE BAD BISEXUAL STEREOTYPES
Lifetime debuted Angela’s Eyes this week, its new crime drama about a young female FBI agent who can tell when people are lying. No, there are no actual lesbian or bisexual characters among the cast, but don’t worry, there is a fantastically accurate and original plot involving bisexual women in the pilot.
Here’s the setup: a devoted wife and mother goes missing and is assumed to be dead, and the husband–who recently discovered he has a grown daughter he never knew about–is the chief suspect. Turns out, the wife/mother left her husband and young son to run off with the long-lost daughter, who–you guessed it–was never his daughter at all, but the wife’s lover. It was all an elaborate scam cooked up by the women to bilk the husband of his money.
Bisexual women willing to deceive, betray, and abandon those who love them? Sounds about par for the TV course. Frankly, it’s amazing bisexual women can even hold down jobs, with all the time they spend abandoning their children and scamming straight men. When they’re not killing them or having threesomes, that is.
DEADWOOD DELIVERS?
On this Sunday’s episode of the HBO Old West drama Deadwood, “Unauthorized Cinnamon”, there’s finally going to be some intimacy between foul-mouthed horsewoman Calamity Jane (Robin Weigert) and the town madame, Joanie Stubbs (Kim Dickens). The series has hinted at Joanie’s alternative sexuality in the past, and now that Deadwood has been canceled, perhaps the writers plan to develop this side of her more. That’s still not enough to get me to watch the show, but one TV viewer’s dust bowl of violence and poor hygiene is another viewer’s treasure!
IN RELATED NEWS, PLANS FOR HOT CHICK 2 HAVE BEEN SCRAPPED
As part of a larger restructuring of the company, Walt Disney Studios announced this week that it has fired Nina Jacobson, president of its Buena Vista Motion Pictures Group. During her 8-year tenure at Buena Vista, 40-year-old Jacobson–who is one of Hollywood’s highest-ranking lesbians, and the 94th most powerful woman in American in 2005, according to Forbes magazine–has supervised a slate of hit movies including The Sixth Sense, The Princess Diaries, Flight Plan, and the hugely successful Chronicles Of Narnia and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises. She also greenlit the god-awful gender-swap movie Hot Chick, and the ill-conceived sand-and-horses movie, Hildalgo, but hey, no one’s perfect.
Executive shuffles happen all the time at movie and TV studios, but to fire Jacobson over the phone, after 8 years, while she was at the hospital after her partner had given birth to their third child? That’s just wrong. Isn’t having to live with the knowledge that she made a movie starring Rob Schneider punishment enough?
PROMISES, PROMISES
Nip/Tuck’s resident lesbian Liz (Roma Maffia) may finally be getting a love life. F/X publicist Scott Seomin told The Advocate this week that Liz will have a “very passionate lesbian love scene” in the fourth season of the cable drama, which premieres on September 5th. And script spoilers show Liz visiting a gay bar with lothario Christian (Julian McMahan) in the fourth episode, where he tries to chat up a woman who only has eyes for Liz.
Sounds promising, but we heard something similar last season, and what did we get? A storyline about Liz trying to get pregnant. Again. So I wouldn’t be surprised if the “passionate lesbian love scene” ends up being Liz in a threesome with the Carver and his bi-murderous sister Kit.
AND MAYBE I CAN CONVINCE HER TO REMAKE THELMA AND LOUISE, WITH A HAPPY ENDING THIS TIME
Last week I asked you to give us your opinion on whether AfterEllen.com should expand to include coverage of entertainment that isn’t explicitly lesbian, but of lesbian interest, and although the majority of you (64%) said yes, a significant number (28%) said no, and were quite passionate about why you want to keep it focused on lesbian/bi women, which is mostly for the same reason I made it this way in the first place: I wanted AfterEllen.com to be a place where we’re the norm, for a change–where you can assume that every film/show/woman we write about is explicitly lesbian or bisexual, or playing a lesbian/bi role.
But in the last year or two, I’ve wondered if I placed too much importance on this–if I’d been drinking too much of my own kool-aid, so to speak, and maybe no one else cared about keeping it queer-women-only. It appears from the poll that I was right. Or wrong. Whatever. The point is, I’ve decided to keep the site as-is for now, with maybe a “lesbian interest” article just once in awhile. Just so I’ll have an excuse to interview Geena Davis. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a woman in office–even if it’s only on TV.
SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT PREMISE FOR A STAR TREK SPIN-OFF SERIES, TOO
A major comic studio has launched a contest to find the next great comic book series, with the winner’s comic to be fully produced and debuted to the public at one of the major comics conventions of 2007. The good news? Out lesbian comic book artist Megan Rose Gedris is one of the three finalists! And for a comic titled “I Was Kidnapped By Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space”, no less. No, I’m not kidding, that’s actually the name. The premise is even more amusing:
“Susan Bell was a normal Earth girl, with a brand new job as a secretary. Little did she know, she would be kidnapped by Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space! They claim she is one of them, and, whether she likes it or not, she’s now part of the crew! Traveling through the universe, under the direction of Captain Janet McSapphic, they take what they like and do what they please. Meeting villains like The Incredible Male Man (a super-chauvanist), the sexy pirate girls won’t let anyone stop them!”
Okay, how could you not want to read this comic, even if you’re not a comic fan? But Megan needs to get more votes than the other two finalists to win, and she needs them this weekend. So if you’d like to see lesbian pirates in outer space anytime soon, vote now!
GRATUITOUS HUMOR OF THE WEEK
This is not at all lesbian-related, but the pitch-perfect parody of the James Blunt song “You’re Beautiful”, called “My Cubicle”, is too damn funny not to mention. And judging by the amount of traffic AfterEllen.com gets during the workday, I’m guessing many of you can relate to the line, “I really should work but instead I just sit here and surf the Internet.” Enjoy!
That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for a new installment of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.
