Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (December 19, 2008)

EVEN JENNIFER BEALS DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ILENE CHAIKEN IS UP TO
Who wants some girls in tight dresses? Of course you do, you naughty minxes, of course you do. The new character and group promo shots for the lovely ladies of The L Word were released this week and they look like a literal interpretation of those damn Betty lyrics.

Yes, Shane in a dress. No, the universe no longer makes sense. Someone, hold me.

Also, that big honking “Fin” was not my poetic Photoshopping license. And speaking of Photoshop, the marketers got busy with their favorite program in the other shots as well. I mean, seriously, could they be more obvious by including both a pool and a sunset in this shot? Hey, Showtime, your metaphors are showing.

For their solo shots, the ladies largely give their interpretations on the little black dress.

Jennifer Beals

Hey, where is her other arm? Did Bette have a nasty encounter with the business end of one of Jodi’s metal sculptures?

Laurel Holloman

On the plus side, Tina looks vamptastic. And, look, a tattoo.

Kate Moennig

Hallelujah. Shane is out of that dress. The world makes sense again.

Leisha Hailey

Did Alice piss off the costume department? On the plus side, if she is ever in a shipwreck, that dress could easily double as a flotation device.

Rose Rollins

Tasha would make Sir Mix-a-Lot proud with this pose.

Rachel Shelley

Bette’s arm and now Helena’s leg. What have these poor appendages done to deserve this wretched fate?

Pam Grier

Kit, damn girl. That is all.

However, Daniela Sea, Cybill Shepherd and Marlee Matlin must have missed the memo about picture day because they all got their promos from Season 4 recycled (and clothing Photoshopped to black) instead. I’ve grouped them together, so as not to be redundant. And, before you ask, Mia Kirshner was nowhere to be found amid the solo shots. Jenny Schecter, wherefore art thou?

While there isn’t too much illumination to be found in these new pictures, there are some revealing comments from Jennifer Beals about the big murder/accidental death/who-the-hell-cares mystery of the season. The actress apparently told The National Ledger that she was “completely” surprised by the developments and was thrown “a little off-balance by it. It seemed very different from what we had done prior, but you kind of roll with the flow. We’ll see what happens.”

She confirms that the season is, indeed, told in flashback and doesn’t know how the final product will be edited. As she said:

They didn’t have to tell all of us, or any of us. The only thing is, it would help me with doing press. I really have no attachment. To me, after it’s done, I rarely watch it. All those people in the studio that were there when we wrapped — all the crew members, the production team, everybody — they’re all responsible for what we accomplished. … It’s not me, it’s a collective. That’s the beauty of film and television.

Hmm. Now, normally, I take what The National Ledger writes with a grain or bucket of salt. But then, when I read Jennifer’s quote about what is next for her, I started to trust the source a bit more. After taking some time off to relax, she said:

I’ll find another project, and I hope it will be as satisfying as The L Word, and we’ll see. I’m not in a huge hurry. I’ve been reading scripts with women characters who are not drawn very thoroughly. To be on a woman-centric show and then read scripts where a woman is an ancillary character is a rude awakening.

I don’t think even The National Ledger could make up a quote with the world “ancillary” in it. That’s got to be Jennifer.

So, “no attachment,” “it’s done,” “rarely watch” — that doesn’t exactly sound like a ringing endorsement of the new season. But then, maybe she is just acknowledging what we’ve all known for five seasons. This is Ilene Chaiken‘s crazy train and we’re just — willing or unwilling — along for the ride. Speaking of Mama Chaiken, guess who included an enormous promo shot of herself (in a tank top, no less) among the cast promos?

Hubris, now that’s another word I bet Jennifer would know how to use properly in a sentence.

by Dorothy Snarker

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