Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (August 11, 2006)


YOU FORGOT TO SAY “NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT”

This is so lame I don’t even know where to start. Singer Nelly Furtado, who only two weeks ago was making headlines for declaring herself and everyone else to be bisexual, is now backpedaling faster than Pat Robertson on global warming. “I guess I was humouring the journalist a little and I was reading a book about Chinese medicine, and we went off on a tangent,” an “embarrassed” Furtado told the Sydney Morning Herald this week, before confirming that she is straight, but “very open-minded”, and “appreciates her gay and bisexual fans.”

Gee, Nelly, reinforcing the whole bisexual-women-are-indecisive stereotype sure is a funny way of showing your appreciation. Next time, just send a card.

And if you’re reading a book about marine animals before your next interview, make sure you don’t get carried away and accidentally tell the reporter you’re a dolphin.

IF THE GLASS SLIPPER FITS…
One week and 22,000 votes later, we have a winner in our lesbian movie poster contest: Cinderella, by Maureen O’Connell, with 36% of the votes. We all know Cinderella would have been much happier if she had fallen in love with Belle instead of that silly prince — and then she would have had someone besides singing mice to talk to after a long day in the castle. Congratulations, Maureen, and thanks to everyone who participated!

Coming in a close second in the contest was Whitney Slone’s The Break-Up, at 32%. But don’t get too excited — Jennifer Aniston‘s publicist insists that, despite recent movie poster entries to the contrary, she is NOT engaged to Grey’s Anatomy’s Katherine Heigl.

BAD AFTERTASTE
A straight cattle rancher’s wife flirted with Jackie (and she flirted back) on this week’s episode of Bravo’s Work Out, but the most lesbian action on TV this week may have been on the second-season debut of VH1′s Flavor of Love. And that’s not a good thing.

Flavor of Love is reality series in which a group of women inexplicably vie for the affections of Flavor Flav, an 80′s rapper who makes Bobby Brown look like a catch. The women on the show are not much better, and unfortunately for us, some of them are bisexual. And crazy. And not in a good way. Don’t believe me? Watch this clip. Between Sumthin’ and Nelly Furtado, it’s been a bad week for bisexual women!

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE
New on DVD this week is the complete first season of Beautiful People, the guilty-pleasure ABC Family drama about a mother and her teenage daughters in New York that also includes 16-year-old questioning teen Annabelle (Kathleen Munroe). Unfortunately, ABC Family announced this week that there will be no second season, so now we’ll never know what excuse the writers would have come up with to completely drop that storyline.

Completely on the other end of the viewing spectrum, HBO released the third season of its critically acclaimed series The Wire on DVD this week. The gritty drama about drug trafficking in Baltimore includes Sonja Sohn as a lesbian cop balancing the demands of her job with her partner’s desire to start a family. Since Sonja has a new love interest in the fourth season (which starts September 10th), you can guess how that turns out.

NO LESBIANS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS MOVIE
Just in case you’re wondering, there are no lesbians or bisexuals in The Descent, the hit British horror movie import about a trapped group of women who begin to turn on each other as a mysterious predator eliminates them one by one. There aren’t any Very Special Lesbian Moments in the film, either (although there is lots of female bonding). But cheer up: the usually lesbian-inclusive America’s Next Top Model is returning for a new season soon on The CW, and really, isn’t that the same basic premise, with less gore?

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!
Speaking of Top Model, former out contestant Kim Stolz is settling into life as a VJ for Über, mtvU’s broadband channel — The LA Times reports that viewing for the series is up tenfold since she took over last month.

Rock Star‘s openly bisexual contestant Patrice managed to make it through an elimination round this week without landing in the bottom three, for a change.

The L Word‘s short new fourth-season promo provides the first glimpse of the new cast members in action. Unfortunately, it also includes Max.

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for a new installment of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. or read past installments here.

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