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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (April 20, 2007)

I WATCHED BROTHERS & SISTERS AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY BANDANNA This week’s episode of ABC’s Brothers & Sisters included a minor lesbian character – and by “minor,” I mean if you ducked into the kitchen to grab a soda, you probably missed her. The woman in question was Donna (Kim Murphy Zandell), the daughter of a neighboring family with whom the Walkers have a longstanding board game rivalry, and a friend of Kevin’s from high school.

Upon meeting again, Donna immediately chastised Kevin, saying, “I haven’t seen you at any of the HRC meetings lately. Or the gay task force meetings, or the GLSEN fundraiser last month, or the GLAAD meeting …” To which he replies, annoyed, “You know what Donna, that’s because I’m not as gay as you.” Then he stormed off, and we didn’t really see her again.

Ah yes, the life of a lesbian – it’s all about protesting the oppressive, patriarchal, heteronormative society and raining on everyone’s parade. If only we could get a collective life!

And did you notice Donna’s wearing a bandanna? Yes, a bandanna! What is this, 1973?

I’m a fan of this show in general, and I watch it every week, but by the time the first season’s over, the show will have featured four prominent, well-developed and multidimensional gay male characters – in addition to its regular gay character, Kevin (Matthew Rhys), the show has featured three gay men in prominent supporting roles (as Kevin’s boyfriends), and the writers are about to reveal that one of the other male family members is gay (don’t click if you don’t want to know!) – and a 30-second appearance by a militant lesbian with no sense of humor and bad fashion sense.

I don’t mind that the show doesn’t have a lesbian character — what it’s doing for gay male visibility on TV is important and long overdue — but throwing in a stereotypical lesbian just for cheap laughs is not cool. The fact that the showrunner, Greg Berlanti, is an openly gay man proves once again that gay men in Hollywood are just as likely as straight men to throw lesbians under the bus on-screen — when they include lesbians at all. There are more openly gay men writing for, creating, and running network TV shows (Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, etc.) than ever before, but the number of lesbian characters on network TV has dwindled to none, while the number of gay male characters has increased in number and complexity.

And people wonder why lesbians and gay men can’t all just get along. If it weren’t for gay men like Bryan Fuller (Wonderfalls) and my wonderfully lesbian-supportive AfterElton.com editor Michael Jensen, I’d be tempted to write them off altogether.

Lesbian screenwriters and filmmakers do sometimes put stereotypical gay male characters in their films and shows, but not nearly as often. But that’s probably because we’re too busy attending HRC meetings, glaring at people who are having fun, and wondering which bandanna goes with this outfit.

GABRIELLE A GO-GO Malinda did a short interview with Xena‘s Renee O’Connor at the AfterEllen.com Dinah party a few weeks ago, and we’ve finally got it ready for you to see. We added subtitles so you won’t miss the movies Renee has in the pipeline, or the sad lack of marriage proposals she received at Dinah: I think Laurel and Rachel are right about the show providing a rare opportunity for women to play something other than “ornaments” – whether you love or hate the story lines, at least they’re about women, for a change. But I don’t know that I’d describe Helena as much more than an ornament last season – she was just decorating the arm of a woman instead of a man.

There’s also some new L Word news today: Cybill Shepherd (Phyllis), Marlee Matlin (Jodi), and Rose Rollins (Tasha) are all returning to the show next season, and not just for one episode like Kristanna Loken (Paige). PhyJoy shippers, rejoice!

GREAT MOMENTS IN GAY PR Work Out airs its season finale next week, but Bravo has announced they’re airing a Work Out reunion special on Tuesday, May 15th to answer burning questions like “Are Jackie and Rebecca Cardon really dating? How are the Skylab clients doing? Do they really cut out sugar during the week? Where can we find Jackie’s clothing line? Plus, find out how they all have been coping with the loss of trainer and good friend Doug Blasdell.”

OK, I’ll admit I’m going to watch it – but not because I want to find out if the Skylab clients really cut out sugar during the week. And does it make anyone else wince that they mentioned Doug’s death right after “Where can I find Jackie’s clothing line?” Not Bravo’s proudest moment.

LINDSAY NOT HAVING THE BEST TIME OF HER LIFE Lindsay Lohan’s having a bad week – although I’m not sure she ever has any good ones anymore. A contract dispute has caused her to pull out of the upcoming film The Best Time of Our Lives, in which her character had a “lesbian undertone” with Keira Knightley’s character. Last Friday, Lohan’s former publicist wrote on his blog that Lindsay is romantically involved with a DJ friend of hers named Samantha Ronson (pictured with Lindsay). And this week, Lohan’s MySpace, Blackberry and cell phone accounts were hacked and her personal messages and photos subsequently posted online.

I don’t understand why someone would hack into other people’s personal accounts in general, but I especially don’t get why you would attack someone like Lohan, who clearly needs a personal (and professional) intervention. It’s like making fun of Britney Spears – way too easy, and cruel, to be very much fun.

But back to her supposed lesbian relationship: If Lindsay’s gay, so is Paris Hilton. Lindsay could be bisexual, of course, but I really, really hope she isn’t – bisexual women have enough PR problems already without Lindsay becoming the new bisexual poster girl.

OUTING: ALL THE COOL NEWSPAPERS ARE DOING IT In this week’s “Personality Parade” column in Parade magazine, which is distributed with most major newspapers in the United States, Walter Scott answered a reader’s question about who fathered Jodie Foster’s children by writing: “Jodie, 45, has never identified the father (or fathers) of Charles, 8, and Kit, 5. She is equally tight-lipped about her significant other, despite persistent reports that she enjoys a domestic partnership with Cydney Bernard, 54, a production manager she met in 1993 on the set of Sommersby.” Making the Out list is one thing, but even mainstream newspapers are reporting on the “persistent reports” now? You never would have seen that happen five years ago. Gays and lesbians are divided on whether this trend is a good thing or not, as a new article in The Washington Blade examines.

Speaking of Jodie, if you haven’t seen the newly unearthed videos of a young Jodie Foster singing in French while wearing a white tuxedo, you must! Here’s a screencap from it:

The beret is a nice touch, too. I mean, it’s no lesbian bandanna, but it’ll do.

SHE SAID WHAT? THE AFTERELLEN/SOUTH OF NOWHERE EDITION Our latest episode of She Said What? is up now, and this one features Karman, Malinda, Dara and I as co-hosts (Scribe Grrrl couldn’t make it to Dinah), sharing a few of our memorable interviews and chatting with guests Nancylee Myatt and Maeve Quinlan of South of Nowhere. This episode will answer all-important questions like “Has Maeve kissed a woman off-screen?”; “Why did the Nikki and Nora pilot get killed?” and “What does Karman’s role as ‘Director of Special Projects’ entail?” (Hint: it includes helping me write this column each week – by the time Thursdays roll around, I’m too exhausted to be funny all by myself!)

If you want to give the show a boost, subscribe to SSW? on iTunes (it’s free), even if you watch the episodes on the site. If we get enough people subscribing, Apple might feature it in the iTunes podcast “store,” and then more people will find out about it. And the more people who watch the show, the likelier it is that we’ll be able to keep making it.

And besides, our lesbian pride is at stake – if The Man Show can make it onto the iTunes Top 100 podcast list, so can we, dammit!

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! More women are kissing Australia thanks to more lesbians on TV.

Bad Girls didn’t air on Logo this week, so you’ll have to wait until next Friday for a new Bad Girls recap. Instead, we’re going to give recapping Painkiller Jane a try (starting next week, the Painkiller Jane recaps will run on Tuesdays). The Sci Fi channel series doesn’t have any lesbian content, but it’s the only show we’re likely to see on network or basic cable anytime soon that revolves around an out actress. Plus, Kristanna’s kinda hot. Need I say more? Read Karman’s recap of Painkiller Jane‘s first episode here, and watch the show’s second episode on the Sci Fi channel tonight (the first episode is currrently available to watch online at video.scifi.com).

Logo’s new series The Big Gay Sketch Show premieres next week. Check back on Tuesday for a full review of the show, and we’ll also have the entire first episode for you to watch on AfterEllen.com (for free).

Jenny Shimizu is joining the cast of Dante’s Cove next season, playing a love interest for Michelle Wolff’s character. The third season debuts on here! TV in the fall.

Laura Dern guests on Ellen on Monday, talking about being involved in Ellen’s historic coming-out episode.

Last but not least, my apologies for all the technical problems you’ve been encountering on the site in the last week or so – you may continue to see error messages occasionally for awhile longer, but we’re working hard to fix them and hope to have everything working fine again soon.

That’s it for this week! Check back next week for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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