Best. Lesbian. Halloween. Ever.

 
 

BAD TO THE BONE
As you can probably tell, I have a deep well of optimism when it comes to horror movies. This means that I always have faith that the next horror film I watch will be the best one I’ve ever seen (even though I’m almost always disappointed in the end), but also that I can usually find a glimmer of something compelling in even the worst of the worst. Such is the case with Class Reunion Massacre (1978; aka The Redeemer: Son of Satan!). 

Class Reunion Massacre isn’t by any stretch of the imagination a “good” movie, or even a remotely scary one. It is, however, incredibly bizarre and so bad it’s good, if you know what I mean, and sure enough, it features a Lesbian Couple. 

We meet the Lesbian Couple early on when they’re having a bit of a domestic dispute: One of them is heading off to, yes, a class reunion, and she doesn’t want to bring her girlfriend. The girlfriend is naturally put off by her partner’s seeming embarrassment, and it’s a surprisingly sweet and realistic scene in the most unexpected place: a trashy supernatural-flavored slasher flick. Well, as realistic as it can be in the face of some spotty acting, anyway.

If you’re looking for quirky indie cinema, Angela Bettis seems to be the go-to girl. Though she first made an impact alongside Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted (1999), Bettis is best known for her roles in the horror genre, having appeared in such films as Carrie (2002) and Toolbox Murders (2004). 

She’s proven herself to be an incredibly versatile actress, as she bravely tackles such potentially unappealing roles as a bisexual weirdo who makes out with Anna Faris (May, 2002) and a lesbian weirdo who makes out with Erin “Misty Mundae” Brown (Masters of Horror: Sick Girl, 2006). I highly recommend both May and Sick Girl, though neither is for the faint of heart! 

And though I’m about to recommend it to you, I have an admission to make: I’ve never actually seen The Unborn (1991). There, I said it. I’ve never seen it, but oh, how I’ve longed to! I mean, the film features an evil scientist conducting evil experiments on patients of his fertility clinic. Not only that, it also includes women driven mad by their evil unborn children, and — here’s the icing on the cake, my friends — it features pre-plastic surgery D-Lister comedienne Kathy Griffin as a lesbian who gets bludgeoned to death by her recently evilly impregnated partner. 

Does The Unborn not sound like the best movie ever? Oh yes, I think it does. Now I just need to see the freakin’ thing. Who wants to come over on Halloween and check it out? 

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