THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:
The emancipated: Nikki starts a new life.
The liberated: Helen finally understands.
The blessed: Us, because we got to see this.
Let’s start at the very beginning — Did you see the title of this episode? Oh my.
Pining and pins — Josh is pining for Crystal. Crystal is pining for Josh. See what happens when you let your morals (or your kleptomania, depending on whose perspective we’re taking here) interfere with love?
Meanwhile, Virginia is stepping carefully out of her cell on those miraculously healed pins of hers. She’s accompanied by much whistling and taunting, so Tina comes to her defense.
Tina: It’s not every day God pays a visit!
God? I’m just waiting for Nikki and Helen to pay a visit to the same room at the same time; that’s almost as unlikely these days.
After the crowd has dispersed, Tina asks Mark whether she can move to a different cell. He looks over at Maxi for guidance, but she just stares. I’ll say this for Maxi: She knows how to stare.
Big Gay Al: She is well taking the piss. You gonna let her get away with that?
And still Maxi just stares.
Now I’m staring — Fenner passes Helen in the hallway. But he doesn’t pass up the opportunity to taunt her.
Fenner: Decided to brazen it out, have you?
Helen: I’m hardly gonna resign over a prisoner’s jottings and a couple of planted clues, am I?
Yes, I’m going to indulge myself one more time: Oh, the cleavage. (It could have been worse — I considered writing a Keatsian ode to it. To me, it’s that profound.)
Fenner: Fine. Well, let’s go and ask Barbara Hunt herself, shall we? Get her to tell us what she knows about that night. [as Helen turns to go] Unless you want her to lie for you.
A swath of tension and doubt spreads over Helen’s face. It’s accompanied by a sound effect that’s half suspense and half Fozzie Bear saying “wokka wokka.”
Fenner: You’d better make your mind up, Helen. ‘Cause if the appeal court finds out about Wade’s escape … [leaning close to Helen] I’ll have the both o’ ya.
More doubt, more tension, more wokka wokka — Fenner still knows how to make people squirm.
Ouch — Maxi beats Tina with a bar of soap in a sock. Whoa! She doesn’t seem to feel great about it, though. She actually knits her brows a little, which is quite something in such an expressionless face.