THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:
The leech: Fenner makes the most of the presence of Virginia the pimp.
The loyalist : Karen thinks Fenner can do no wrong.
The lovers: Helen and Thomas get a little closer.
On the take — Fenner is collecting some cash from one of Virginia O’Kane’s brothels. He’s sitting in his car in the dark with an envelope of cash, looking around furtively, taking some cash for himself, making lots of rustling noises — ugh, get on with it already! I don’t want to spend one more minute in the dark with him than I have to. Plus, why do his hands look kind of greasy? I shudder to think.
He drives away and suddenly it’s morning and we’re at Larkhall, where Shaz is woefully looking out the window. Does it remind you of another lovelorn lesbian who used to hope for a glimpse of her bird on the outside?
Oh, maybe she’s just watching the Peckham Boot Gang, who are doing the yard duty that used to be her province. Maxi holds up something unsavory and calls up to Shaz: “Al’s got your breakfast here.”
Shaz turns away from the window and gazes forlornly at a picture of herself in Denny’s arms. Aww.
Love on the rocks — Mark is trying to apologize to Gina for his little indiscretion with Di.
Mark: You know I’m a prat when I’ve had a few.
Gina: You’re a prat when you haven’t.
Prat, by the way, is one of my favorite Britishisms. (It means arse, as in pratfall.) Americans just don’t have the equivalents of prat and wanker. I also think we have about one-third as many words for tired as the Brits do, but that might just be because my time in the U.K. was spent in the company of university students.
Anyway, Gina doesn’t want to hear Mark’s excuses. He grabs her and tries to make her see things his way, but it only provokes her further.
Mark: Look, I’m not gonna lose you over some sad shag like Di Barker.
Gina: The only thing that you regret, Mark, is gettin’ found out. Now get your face outta mine before I smack it into the middle of next week.
No, wait, I wanna see that! Sigh. She just stomps off instead.
Sick of everything — Shaz doesn’t want to leave her cell. She’s not feeling well. Or maybe she knows the Peckham Boot Gang will make sure she never feels well again.
But Hollamby insists, via many colorful phrases as only Hollamby can, that Shaz go to breakfast. I don’t understand this: Why aren’t prisoners allowed to just stay in their cells if they want to? Who cares?
Yvonne saunters by as Hollamby threatens to drag Shaz out by her ears.
Yvonne: Only I swear I heard Officer Hollamby issue a personal threat.
Shaz: I don’t need no favors from you.
Yvonne: [quirking her brows] Suit yourself. And you, Sylvia, should pick on someone your own size. [looking Hollamby up and down] If you can find anyone.
Oh, Yvonne. I definitely need some favors from you. Whichever ones you want to give.
The wing office — Di is stupid enough to talk to Gina. She tries to explain herself: She was drunk; she’s been under a lot of pressure; they were just two mates who got carried away. And she wouldn’t have done it if she’d known Gina was pregnant.
Gina: Ah, sod it. Maybe you did me a favor. I’m carrying one bastard. Why would I wanna get stuck with another?
Di suddenly worries that Gina is going to have an abortion and starts to give her opinion of that notion, but Gina interrupts and tells her to get her words off her body. Well, she tells her to sod off, which is much more effective, if less feminist.
Gina: And for your information, Mark’s not your mate. He thinks you’re a slag. So just piss off out of my life!
Oh. That was delightful!
Virginia’s cell — Fenner gives Virginia a report on her businesses. She wisely assumes she doesn’t need to pay him his share of the profits. And then she asks him to scratch her back, by getting her a cell of her own. He seems to think he doesn’t need her anymore, though, now that he has copied her little beige book.
Delivery — Hollamby has a bouquet of flowers.
Hollamby: Who do they think I am? Charlie flamin’ Dimmock?
Oh! A reference I actually get! Charlie Dimmock was/is on the BBC gardening show Ground Force, and I have yet to see her wear a bra on that show. Imagine the chafing.
Yes, the flowers are for Gina, from Mark. She reads the card, then tears it up.