“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 3.06 “Do or Die”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The bookworm: Nikki copes with a great loss.
The berserker: Pam moves from the Muppet wing to G wing.
The beastie: The Julies find a critter to care for.

Good news for the lifers — I wish the first line of every episode could be a Helen Stewart line. Even when the subject matter is ordinary, the delivery is always extraordinary.

Helen: Right. So some of you will have to get packing today, ’cause all the lifers on G wing are moving to single cells on the threes.

The lifers cheer, Nikki included, but I’ll bet she often wants to cheer in Helen’s presence. Shell wants to know whether Yvonne will be moved off the third level since she’s not a lifer. Helen says Yvonne is in isolation anyway, pending the inquiry into Charlie’s death. Sorry, not death; "murrrdurrr," as Helen says so liltingly.

Shaz doesn’t want to move up with everyone else. She wants to stay in the four-bed dorm to welcome Denny back from the hospital. Wow, look at Shaz’s hair: That is some well-honed gelling technique.

Helen says she’ll see how Denny’s doing when she visits her in the hospital that very afternoon. Of course Shaz wants to go along.

Shell: [to Shaz] Oy, bog brush. Get in the queue. I’m first, innit?

Next time you get the urge to stick a nail into someone, Shaz, try the blonde psycho.

Rubbish and rescue — The Julies are taking the rubbish out to the giant overstuffed bins. They hear something: a tiny meow. Behind the pile of black bags, they find a lovely little black cat. I’m surprised it doesn’t scamper away, given the extremely motherly look on the Julies’ faces as they say, "awwww!"

Much scarier than a black cat — Helen is moving Pam (aka the psycho who attacked Shell on the Muppet wing) onto G wing. Fenner protests, but Helen suggests he might be the one who needs a counselor. Yeah, it’s sort of a weak comeback, but Fenner is simple-minded, so it gets to him.

Nikki is also moving up to G-3. She has bags of books with her, of course.

Shell: Here comes the mobile library.

Hee! Best. Line. Ever. (And even better with a British accent.)

Nikki passes by some other prisoners who say, "Hello, darling" very flirtatiously. It’s like she’s the Jill Bennett of G wing. Before she and Shell can get into a war of words, Helen arrives with Pam. Shell freezes and then looks down at Fenner. It’s like there’s a chain of fear, binding them all together. That and, um, actual chains, sometimes.

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