Morning at Larkhall — All is well in the world. The cars are in their designated spots: Karen’s hot little green number and Helen’s dorky little red number rest next to each other as their owners make life inside a little more tolerable. Such an idyllic scene.
Until we see the actual denizens of the place, that is. Denny and Josh are reacquainting themselves with each other and testing out their vocabularies, tossing around tricky words like "institutionalized." I need to remember things like this when I fantasize about fun behind bars — many of the locals just aren’t that bright.
As they chat (and walk past a random officer), Josh pretends he and Crystal are permanently split up. OK, he’s smarter than I thought. In his nervousness, he backs right into Yvonne, who’s looking good in her own leather jacket. (I like to think Simone Lahbib and Linda Henry went shopping together, because how much fun would that be?)
She proceeds to flirt with him. He rushes off, but her cranial wheels are clearly in motion. She’ll make some use of him, somehow. I’m sorta jealous.
News for the Ju’s — Karen has some news for the two Julies. Remember that application for the electronic tag and accompanying release? It was successful. Well, for one of them, anyway: Only Julie S. gets to go to her son’s school play. Julie J. has to stay behind because of that little hand job she gave the guy from the phone sex line.
Karen: It’s out of my hands. No pun intended.
And with that remark, Miss Betts, you’ve earned my eternal loyalty, all Fennerful activities aside. (Ick.)
Julie S. isn’t sure she wants to get out if she has to leave her best friend behind. She’s just that wacky: Friends are more important than freedom, ya know? It’s like the Larkhall version of “bros before hos.”
Plotting — Last week, Sylvia decided all the screws should go on strike. Di thinks it will look suspicious if they all call in sick on the same day. She’s a sharp one, that Di Barker. Sylvia tells her that’s the whole point: It’s supposed to look like a protest. All they have to do is get sick notes.
Sylvia: I know I won’t have any difficulty getting the necessary from my GP.
Whoa. Is this like those treatments for hysteria in centuries past?
Di sees Karen passing by and stops her to ask when Dominic’s coming back.
Karen: He isn’t.
Karen: I’ve got hold of his parents. Apparently he met someone in Greece, and he’s decided to stay there with them.
He met “them” in Greece? A nonspecific pronoun and a Mediterranean vacation? Plus, didn’t he go to Ibiza on his last holiday? OMG, Dominic’s gay!
Di: [sputtering like a fish on land] You mean he’s resigned?
Guess you’ll have to find a new subject for your shrine, Di. Hey, how about Karen?
Mopping and moping — The Julies are considering their fate as they clean.
Julie S.: This is pants. Why do they have to do this to us, Ju?
Oh, pants! I really must remember to use these brilliant Britishisms more often. (Note to unwitting Yanks: It’s even funnier because “pants” doesn’t mean trousers in the UK; it means underwear.)
Julie J. encourages Julie S. to forget about their impending separation and focus on her son. But it’s sad, because these two have been attached at the hip for so long. Or maybe at the pants.