“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 3.01 “Back From the Brink”

A fountain of Fenner — Jim thinks he’ll soon bleed to death, but Shell says it’s not as much blood as women lose in childbirth. She does have her own inner logic, doesn’t she?

A fork in the road — Helen and Nikki are at a stoplight. Nikki tells Helen to make a right turn, then goes back to ruminating about how things would have been different if she still had hope for her appeal.

Nikki: I’d have been more determined than ever, now I’ve got you.

Helen lurches the car forward, not making that recommended right turn. She locks the doors, which doesn’t seem very friendly to Nikki.

Nikki: What?! What’re you doing?
Helen: I’m taking you back to Larkhall.
Nikki: Huh?
Helen: There’s-no-escape-I’ve-already-called-the-police

OK, wait. It’s all very suspenseful, yes, but I have to comment on a couple of clunky lines. First, whenever Nikki says "huh" like that, she seems like a bratty adolescent. She even grimaces like one. Silly. Second, I put those hyphens in Helen’s line because she says it so flatly and robotically, without any kind of punctuation or inflection. I know how that goes, Helen: I can’t really carry on a conversation while I’m driving either.

Helen: If you give yourself up at the gate, I’ll say that you only escaped to make a protest to me about your appeal.
Nikki: Noooo.
Helen: I promise.
Nikki: [shouting] Noooo!

Nikki grabs the steering wheel and makes them swerve into the right lane, which is not the right, er, correct, lane in the U.K. They almost have a head-on collision, but granny-driver Helen manages to get the car back under control. But not before the police notice.

Soon the sirens wail and Helen and Nikki pull over, awaiting their doom. But look at that copper. Looks friendly, wouldn’t you say? Not in the sense of affable, but in the sense of which cricket team she bats for.

Helen gets out of the car to talk to the copper. Wow, if you get out of the car in the U.S., you’re pretty much guaranteed to get slammed up against it, to the tune of “spread ‘em.”

Officer Butchly: You been drinking, madam?
Helen: No, I haven’t. I saw a cat; I thought it was gonna run out in front of me.
Officer Butchly: [mocking] A cat?
Helen: Under a car. That’s why I swerved. Look, I’m very happy to take a breath test.

Really? Have you forgotten those vodka shots you and Nikki were doing in your post-coital bliss? Maybe only Nikki was doing those; after all, she was the one who had to somehow cope with the mind-blowing sight of Helen in the buff.

Officer Butchly strolls over to the passenger side and peeks in at Nikki. Something in her seems to soften a little.

Officer Butchly: You nurses?

Helen nods and smiles. Officer Butchly looks over at the other police officer, who is also simultaneously stern and, well, friendly. They nod and exchange what can only be called knowing smiles.

Officer Butchly: You’d better get home to your bed, then, girls.
Helen: Cheers.
Officer Butchly: Go careful. [winking]

Oh, come on. It was interesting while it was subtle, but she actually winked!

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