“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 3.01 “Back From the Brink”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The brokenhearted: Nikki faces the prospect of life without Helen.
The bleeder: Shell returns a little of the pain Fenner is so quick to dole out.
The brayers: All the inmates yell. A lot.

A reminder — Let’s see, where were we? Oh, right: Nikki escaped,
and she and Helen totally did it. And Helen said, “Nikki! What the ffff—,” and Shell aimed a broken bottle at Fenner, and Bodybag got all messed up on ecstasy, and everything added up to me being gobsmacked and goofy — that is, until I started screaming with the agony of wondering what happened next. So here’s what the ffff— happened next.

Shell’s bordello of blood — As he slides his slimy self all over Shell, Fenner hears a noise in the hall. He decides it’s nothing and they’ll be fine if they’re careful. Speaking of that, I wonder whether he ever uses a condom? Sorry; it’s not nice of me to give you that mental image right at the beginning of a recap.

Helen’s boudoir of bliss — Helen hangs up the telephone. Remember? The phone? The one she was going to use to report Nikki’s jailbreak? She’s not going to let her principles commandeer her heart! She’s not going to ruin everything! Well done, Miss Stewart. We knew you couldn’t really turn your bird over to the coppers.

Then she does something that’s probably best described as “steeling herself.” Only with Helen, it’s more like “gilding” because it very much enhances her appearance. She keeps her face as still as she can as she turns to face Nikki, who’s now back in her nurse uniform. Damn: The nakedness was so very brief.

Nikki: Did you get a cab OK?

Helen: Nikki, you’re not gonna get to San Francisco.

Nikki: Huh?
Helen: It’s a 12-hour flight. Think.
Nikki: I’m not gonna go direct.
Helen: It doesn’t matter. Your passport’s gonna be red hot wherever.
Nikki: [getting exasperated] It won’t be my passport. I’ll use Trish’s. I’ve got the wig.
Helen: [sighing and looking grim]
Nikki: [tugging Helen's hand like a child] Helen, please: All I need is a cab.
Helen: [sternly, like] Nooo.
Nikki: Well, if you’re worried about calling one here, I’ll —

Helen: I am trying to get you to think things thrrrrough. What about the nurse, if you’re not back tomorrow?

My, does her accent get deliciously thick when she’s anxious.

Nikki: It’ll be those piss-head screws in the s—. There’s nothing they can pin on her. She’ll be on a plane herself in a few days.

Helen keeps looking up and away as if there are some answers in the ceiling somewhere. Or as if she’s watching the steam rising from her own angry head.

Nikki: [facing Helen, holding her gaze] Darlin’, it’s us we gotta look after.
Helen: Which is why I’m begging you: Don’t be stupid.
Nikki: You’ll soon know I’m safe.

Nikki has that whole calm-in-the-middle-of-a-storm thing going on, sure that she’s doing the right thing. And, well, there’s the fact that she was very recently in Helen’s bed. That’ll make a girl feel confident, I expect. Helen searches Nikki’s eyes and sighs, as if she sees there’s no way around that kind of resolve.

Nikki: [amusedly] Can you lend me 20 quid for a cab?
Helen: [brusquely, pushing Nikki's hand away] I’ll drive you.
Nikki: [calling after Helen, who has clomped off to get dressed] Love it when you’re bossy!

It’s so weird when the writers read my mind like that. Isn’t that what we were all shouting at the screen just then? That, and “Love it when you’re extra Scottish!”

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