“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.09 “The Leaving”

A stroll — Zan and Dom talk about life and children. Oh, right, Zandra has a kid, remember? Where the hell did he disappear to? Zandra says Dom must think she’s crazy for living out the remainder of her days in Larkhall, but he’s glad she decided to do that. And he tells her so. It’s sweet.

Reunited — Crystal is out of solitary. She and Zandra share a big hug.

Zandra: You’re the best mate ever. [as Crystal is escorted off] Love you, Crystal!

Sometimes life in Larkhall seems downright charming.

Phone sex — Shell uses a Russian accent on the phone sex line. It’s pretty funny — Denny’s having a good time. She even encourages Zandra to participate. Zandra starts to joke around about possible phone sex names — Nelly with the Smelly fill-in-the-blank — but in the middle of her sentence, she suddenly can’t speak. The camera work gets all trippy as she rushes back to her cell.

Barbara: Zandra, are you all right?
Zandra: Yeah. I’m just bleeding dying, that’s all.

Everybody gathers around, which only makes Zan feel like more of a freak. She sobs, and despite my cynical eye that gets even more cynical when I cast it on soap operas, I feel pretty damn sad about the whole thing.

Trying to apologize — Crystal tries to make nice with Josh, but he isn’t very interested. Neither am I.

Josh gets all introspective and says he doesn’t know if he can marry Crystal after all (not that she knew he was planning that) because he doesn’t think he can compete with her relationship with God. Sometimes you just have to accept these things, Josh. My girlfriend has a profound relationship with sleep, and I have made peace with it. I know I’ll never be first in her heart.

Anyway, Josh gives Crystal the ring, but he says he just wants out and is giving his notice. Bye, Joshie! Don’t let the big gates hit your ass on the way out!

Sleepless — Zandra can’t sleep. Neither can Crystal. So they huddle in Crystal’s tiny little bunk. Sheesh, I know these girls are skinny, but that looks very uncomfortable.

Zandra says she’s scared of dying, so Crystal does her best. They talk about God and decide that he loves Zandra just as much as I do. I don’t love her so much when she recites a maudlin prayer, though. Even though I used to say that one ("Now I lay me down to sleep") as a kid too.

It’s like a twisted Romeo and Juliet — As Dominic saunters up to the gates, Zandra gazes down at him from her cell window. Aw. He sees her and waves like a love-struck boy.

And it’s like a twisted Murder, She Wrote — Shell finds Barbara’s diary and sits down to have a good read. At that very moment, Barbara (in the meal queue) realizes she has forgotten said diary. She goes back to her cell to find Shell reading about herself.

Shell: "Shell Dockley is definitely a psychopath." Now, that’s not very nice, is it, Babs?

Barbara threatens to report her, but Shell points out that she has bad-mouthed the screws in the diary too, so they’re not likely to listen. Jeezus, Barbara: You couldn’t have changed the sodding names?!

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