THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:
The departed: Zandra takes her leave.
The dork: The new inmate, Shaz, is cute in a dorky way.
The diarist: Barbara’s taking names.
A disclaimer — This recap is short. That’s because this episode is sad, and sadly devoid of Helen and Nikki.
A study in contrasts — In the wing office, Dominic is sipping his tea and staring into space. Meanwhile, in the servery, the two Julies are doing the dishes and also fielding phone calls to the Babes Behind Bars sex line. Crazy world, ain’t it?
Julie S.: I’m unhooking my bra … [pause] Oh. You finished, then? All right, then. Till next time, big boy.
Ick. She hangs up and makes a grossed-out noise and says she needs a shower. You and me both, Ju. Nearby, Shell’s in a good mood because she’s going back on Enhanced. The Julies say she deserves it after all the worries about her kids. Shell doesn’t say anything. It seems like maybe she’s not too worried about them now. Of course, it’s best not to speculate about what’s going on behind those ice-blue eyes.
As mealtime begins, Barbara shows up with her diary. She’s writing down everything they eat so she can complain about it to Miss Betts (and probably anyone else who will listen). Imagine if this show had come along later — Babs would be blogging.
Just to reward Barbara for being a "smug bitch," Shell gives her some green slop (is that mushy peas?) instead of the cholesterol and starch she’s complaining about.
Barbara sits down to mope. Zandra soon joins her, but she has something bigger to mope about: Her mortality. She dares Barbara to try some "mercy killing" on her. Oh, Zan. I can’t believe you have a brain tumor. And I know your petulance is just a mask for the fear. Babs knows it too, and Zandra responds to the sympathy.
Zandra: It’s just that no one talks about it. They all pretend that nothing’s happening, apart from Crystal. And now they’ve gone and taken her away from me.
Barbara: Well, I’m here. Anytime you want.
Right on cue, Dominic strolls up. Babs makes a hasty exit so he and Zandra can sit and smile at each other.
Spurned — Out in the yard, Josh asks the two Julies about Crystal. They explain that Crystal just wanted to stay with Zandra in her hour of need. Josh pouts and feels sorry for himself. What should I call Josh? I need something that rhymes with "Josh" but means "whines."
Movin’ on up — As Shell gathers her things to go back up on Enhanced, Nikki studies the pool table. Is it wrong of me to find that sexy?
Shell makes a few snide comments on her way out. I guess she’s back to normal, then. She also promises Fenner that she’s going to be a good girl.
Fenner: Cut the speeches, Dockley. There’s no Oscars in here.
I can’t believe I’m saying it, but right on, Fenner.