Nikki’s cell — Helen wants to know why Nikki is still on basic.
Helen: Have you not worked out yet how to be a good girl?
The way she says this line is criminal. No pun intended. That accent is just so swoon-inducing!
They sit next to each other on Nikki’s bed, which is the bottom bunk. It looks both uncomfortable and cozy.
Nikki: Oh, you know me, Helen: As long as my gob’s open, I’m gettin’ into trouble.
Helen: Nikki, just keep out his way.
Nikki: Yeah, I’ll try.
Helen: [unconvinced] Hmm?
Nikki: Look, Helen, don’t think I don’t appreciate what you’re trying to do for me. I’ve got more reason to get out of here now than I’ve ever had. But the reality is, it’s gonna be nine years before they let me out.
Helen: Look, this job gives me access to the files on all the lifers here. That means your files. Trial details, directions by the judge, updates on parole — everything.
Helen: So, maybe I can find something that will get you out of here.
Nikki: Like a magic key?
Helen: Come on, Nikki. I’m seerrrious.
I swear the writers were like: "Make her say seerrrious again! It drives them wild!"
Nikki: Helen, I know what I’m missing. And I am not prepared to spend the next nine years living in false hope, expecting to get out early.
Helen: It won’t be false hope if we make it happen.
Nikki: [sighing] Maybe I think I’m lucky.
Nikki: I’m locked up in here, and I can still touch you.
Helen: [jumping up] No, Nikki. Look, I know that I’m not the governor anymore, but you’re still a prisoner. We still have to be careful.
Nikki: Yeah, I know. I understand that.
Helen: Look, if there’s anything in those files … a witness that wasn’t brought forward, evidence that was left out, I’ll find it.
Nikki: Thank you.
Helen: I’ve gotta go. I’ll see ya.
Nikki: See ya.
Oh. What a crash — from "wanna come to my place?" to "see ya" in just a few minutes. Well, first dates are always hard.
On her way out, Helen runs into Jim. As they walk through the corridors, he asks how the "reunion" was.
Fenner: You and Wade. I have to admit, I didn’t realize you were that way inclined. The, uh, signs were there, I s’pose.
Helen: I’ve had enough of this conversation, Jim.
Fenner harangues her a little more and throws out the name "Simon," just to scare her. Helen stops and confronts him.
Helen: Look, not that it’s any of your business, but for the record, since I’ve left here, yes, I’ve written to and I’ve visited Nikki Wade. And I’ve informed the governor. Not doing so would’ve been unprofessional, wouldn’t it, Jim?
Oh, yeah. Miss Stewart is back.
A darkroom — Someone’s developing a photo. It’s a picture of Fenner and Yvonne’s husband, taken on the golf course. That’s what you call thickening the plot — and that was the briefest plot-thickening scene ever.
Training — Hollamby gives Barbara the rundown on her new cleaning job. We don’t know quite why she’s been given this job, do we? Must have something to do with Karen feeling bad about all the Shell stuff.
As Hollamby leaves, Barbara asks about joining the church. Hollamby wonders what kind of Christian murders her own husband. Well, probably the kind who believes in mercy, Bodybag. But you wouldn’t know anything about that.
Not a clear day — Zandra is trying to read her horoscope, but she just can’t make the words come into focus. She throws her specs down in disgust. Officer Barker rushes over and asks what’s going on.
Zandra: These bloody glasses! They’re piss and crap!
I solemnly resolve to start talking like Zandra. Twatting twat and bloody this and that! Zan tosses out a few other choice epithets, but Di stands firm. Crystal comes by to help. She tries to figure out what’s wrong, but Zandra is inconsolable and can’t even seem to remember the word glasses.
The loo — Zandra is staring blankly into the mirror. Hollamby tells her to hurry up, so Zandra turns around and shuffles into a stall. Next thing you know, she’s on the floor, seizing. Di rushes to the rescue again. Crystal gives Di a boost over the stall door. (Wow, who knew prison officers were so acrobatic?) Poor Zan: She’s unresponsive and has wet herself. If ever there were a time to swear like Zandra, this is it.