“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.05 “Mistaken Identity”

Oh. So the psycho is also gay? Or maybe just opportunistically so, since she was in prison, after all. It seems Karen was Tessa’s personal officer and, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear, separated her from her beloved.

Tessa: You knew my head would go pop. You just didn’t give a toss!

Karen’s keeping her cool remarkably well, given the circumstances. Elsewhere, Dom is a little more frantic as he tells Jim and Di what’s going on.

Dominic: There’s been a cock-up. The real Barbara Hunt is down the block.
Di: Eh?!
Dominic: That means Karen’s seeing Tessa Spall.

And they rush to action like the "cri man squa" (crisis management squad) on The Office. This is so exciting!

Back in Karen’s office, Karen confesses.

Karen: You won’t like it, but the fact is, I split you and Debbie up because she asked me to. That’s the honest reason. She wanted to get away from you.

Hell hath no fury like a psycho scorned. It looks like Mad Tessa’s head might go pop again. She says she doesn’t believe a word of it and circles Karen, slinging that syringe around. She’s shaking so much I think she’s going to slip and accidentally inject Karen with the infected blood. Mad Tessa is like a schizo Little Orphan Annie with a death wish.

At exactly the wrong moment (surprise, surprise), Fenner bursts into the room. Karen’s not happy and tells him to get back. Tessa grabs Karen and tells her to start walking; she wants Karen to drive her out of there. Everybody slowly does as instructed, from Karen to Dom to Fenner in some sort of lithium-deficient assembly line.

After Karen and Tessa leave the hallway, Fenner and Dom hatch a plan; they call the gatehouse and ask the guards there to stall as long as they can. After a key-jangling succession of swinging gates and frantic strolls accompanied by clanging, suspenseful music, Fenner finally saves the day: He turns the fire hose on Tessa. Karen manages to get away. Like all good psychos, Tessa briefly rallies, grabbing the syringe and lunging toward Fenner — whee! — but he soaks her until she crumbles.

The aftermath — Tessa goes down the block and life goes on at Larkhall.

Di: Don’t suppose everyone calling her "mad" will have helped.
Dominic: Well, at least they’re not calling her "Barbara."

Di chortles at this. She sure finds a lot to laugh about at Larkhall, doesn’t she?

A new roomie — Nikki’s new cell comes with an unexpected accessory: the real Barbara.

Nikki: What are you talking about? I don’t two-up; I’m a lifer.

Two-up? Is that what they’re calling it nowadays? Anyway, Nikki has no choice; Barbara needs help. She’s claustrophobic and needs company.

Barbara: They seem to think I’ll cope better if I share a cell. Though if you want my own opinion, we’re merely comparing types of hell. Now, where do you want me to put my toothbrush?

Hee. I think I like you, shrieky Barbara the claustrophobe. Nikki seems to see something in that little speech, too, and doesn’t protest.

Seerrrious developments — Zandra, who is still suffering from a headache, passes out in her cell. Denny and Dom are beside themselves with concern. Like, genuine concern, which is in short supply in this place.

Meanwhile, out on the golf course, Charlie Atkins is slipping an envelope into Fenner’s golf bag. But someone is snapping photos of both of them from the bushes. Good luck capturing Fenner on film: He obviously moves at the speed of light if he went from the fire hose to the golf course that quickly. What a jerk of all trades.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: Shell unravels; Barbara is afraid Nikki’s going to put the moves on her; an unexpected visitor arrives.

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