The wing office — Dom talks about his encounter with the shrieking not-Tessa in solitary. He says she seemed more frightened than violent. Karen says Tessa can fool you and is very dangerous.
Dominic: I was gonna ask: Has she got a nickname?
Hollamby: Yes. Mad. Tessa Spall. And you’re still wondering why.
Dominic: I meant a name she prefers.
Dom explains that not-Tessa said her name isn’t Tessa. I’m starting to confuse my not-self with these shenanigans.
They talk about the incident with Nikki and not-Barbara in the yard; Fenner dismisses it as "Wade throwing her weight around." Then he and Sylvia suggest that Nikki and Yvonne swap cells, so they can punish Nikki and reward Yvonne for her recent good behavior (or, in their eyes, her willingness to help them get some extra dosh). Karen reluctantly agrees.
I love the way Di constantly chuckles at Sylvia during these meetings, and Sylvia doesn’t even realize she’s being chuckled at.
The swap — And just like that, Nikki and Yvonne trade spaces. Yvonne apologizes to Nikki.
Nikki: Oh, not your fault Fenner’s a complete bastard.
Fenner: You’re lucky you’re not going down the block.
Nikki: I’m lucky I keep all my privileges in here [pointing to her head] where you can’t touch ‘em.
Fenner just walks away. Nikki seems to render him speechless sometimes, and isn’t that a nice break for us?
Dom escorts Nikki into her new cell — check out Nikki’s insolent swagger — and then asks her why she’s being so stupid about this. He says she should have talked to Miss Betts about the whole incident.
Nikki: Forget it; what for? A few extra quid and a duvet? It’s all s—.
Nikki says she just wishes she hadn’t saved Shell from not-Barbara. This raises Dominic’s suspicions again. McAllister’s back on the case! Go, go, biker boy!
Up in Yvonne’s new cell, Fenner asks for his money; he says he’ll call Charlie and tell him when and where he’ll collect. Yvonne assures him that in her family, they take care of their friends. Ick.
Now we know why they call her "mad" — Di finds not-Barbara and tells her Miss Betts is ready to see her. Not-Barbara says she has to stop at her cell first; she wants to take her handbook along so she can take notes. But what she really takes is her own blood — she fills a hypodermic with it and then tucks the needle into her sleeve.
Do you have any doubts now about who not-Barbara really is? Karen doesn’t: When not-Barbara walks into her office, Karen freezes.
Tessa: There seems to have been a bit of a mix-up.
Karen tries to stay calm and slowly reaches for the phone. In a flash (I’ve always wanted to say that), Tessa aims the needle at Karen’s hand and tells her to get her finger off the phone, or she’ll soon be HIV-positive. Karen complies, of course.
Tessa: Told you I’d get you back one day, didn’t I?
OK, this chick is freaking me out! She has those manic eyes and that too-smooth way of talking — all the hallmarks of a serial killer. Plus, well, there’s the infected syringe thing. That’s a nice touch.
Unraveling the mystery — Down the block, Dominic asks the real Barbara Hunt for her full name.
Barbara: How many times do I have to tell you people? I am Barbara Ann Hunt!
Dominic: Aw, s—.
Dominic tells another guard to get Barbara’s clothes for her. Oopsie.
The trouble with psychos — Mad Tessa aims the syringe right at Karen’s eye and tells her she’s brought this on herself.
Tessa: You took away the one lovely thing in my whole s—ting life, didn’t you? My Debbie. You took her away, and you turned her against me, you bitch.