“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.05 “Mistaken Identity”

Making deals — Fenner has made arrangements for Yvonne and her husband Charlie to get some quality time together on the next visiting day. They’re going to pretend that Charlie has liver cancer and play on everyone’s sympathies.

Yvonne: This could be the start of a beautiful friendship, Mr. Fenner.

Take that back! Right now! Fenner warns Yvonne to play nice with Bodybag if she wants to continue to get little perks like this. Great: befriend Fenner and Hollamby? Talk about keeping your enemies close.

Still in pain — In the common area, Zandra has a headache again. She actually looks really bad. Dominic is concerned, but doesn’t know what to do if the prison doctor refuses to help Zan.

Elsewhere, Denny schemes with Shell. She suggests that they sign up for group therapy and pretend to take it seriously. Shell says, "Why not?" Oh boy.

Mug shots — Hollamby takes not-Barbara’s mug shots. When she says, "Turn to the side," it reminds me of Holly Hunter in Raising Arizona: "Turn to the right! Turn to the right!" But it isn’t even half as funny when Hollamby barks.

Anyway, not-Barbara is still being perfectly polite. She’s making Hollamby’s day. That alone is reason to dislike her.

Doctor’s orders — Dominic chats with the prison doctor about Zandra. Dr. Nicholson doubts that Zandra is actually clean, because she refused a blood test the last time she asked for pain meds.

I’m sure there are lots of Nicholsons in the U.K., but every time I hear the doctor’s name, I think of Vita and Violet and Portrait of a Marriage. I keep expecting Harold to waltz in.

Stuffing envelopes — A bunch of inmates are in a workroom stuffing envelopes. Fenner interrupts to take Yvonne to her very seeerrrious (oh, Miss Stewart, how I miss you) phone call about her husband’s faux liver cancer. Linda Henry, who plays Yvonne, is very convincing. Even Shell looks concerned.

After they leave, Zan asks Shell for some jellies.

Shell: I thought you was off all that stuff.
Zan: Yeah, well, I need something for my head.

But Shell doesn’t have any drugs, because she’s learning to love herself in group therapy.

Shell: Hahahahahahaha!

The way she laughs makes me need therapy.

A hallway — Dominic and Sylvia tell Karen about the psychotic new arrival, Tessa Spall. It seems Karen has a history with Spall — she gets nervous at the mere mention of the name.

Hollamby: Well, I suppose you must have been working there, weren’t you, when the actual ear was bitten off!

But Karen has those budgets to comb over, so she doesn’t stay to chat.

More faux concern — Fenner takes Yvonne back to the workroom. She looks and acts like she’s just heard some very bad news. Such a schemer! She actually cries a little.

Chez not-Barbara — Di escorts the curly-headed newbie to her cell. Not-Barbara is still as sweet as she can be. But when she asks about her induction appointment with Miss Betts, her eyes get kind of wild. Di assumes she’s just reacting to the strangeness of prison.

Di: I’ll give you some advice. Be very careful who you trust ’round here.

You should talk, Officer Sunshine! Di is ridiculously, annoyingly optimistic in general.

Lunchtime — Fenner checks in with Yvonne. She’s not enjoying playing the wounded wife routine, but she’s trying to hold up her end of the bargain: She asks Fenner for his address so she can have the money delivered. He says he’ll say where and when that happens.

Fenner: No third parties. ‘Cause if I get a hint anybody else knows about this, the deal’s off and you’re in deep s—. Got it?
Yvonne: Yeah. Whatever.

I could not adore you more, Yvonne.

Nearby, Shell doesn’t understand why Yvonne’s getting so much attention.

Shell: I didn’t get no sympathy when my Charlie died.
Denny: He was a canary.
Shell: So?

Ha ha! Who needs the two Julies when these two go into comedy mode?

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