As the Julies sing a song about Larkhall to the tune of "Frère Jacques" — because that’s just the kind of kicky girls they are — Josh stops by to flirt with Crystal. She accuses him of flirting with Shell, too, and won’t listen to his explanations.
Crystal stomps off, so the Julies give him some advice and tell him not to give up so easily. If only they were here to tease my hair and encourage me to keep recapping in the absence of Helen and Nikki.
The hospital — Jessie’s mom is no longer there. It seems she has gone back to the hostel. Di calls the prison and asks Karen whether she can take Denny to the hostel instead. When she hangs up the phone, she pretends to have bad news, but then celebrates with Denny:
Di: She said OK!
Sheesh, Di, did you become a prison officer because you thought it would be a good way to make friends? You’re smiling and giggling like you’re at a slumber party.
Defending her honor — Karen is confronting Shell about her attempt to seduce Dominic.
Shell: My dressing gown just slipped off. It’s not a crime, having a slippy dressing gown, is it?
I think Karen is more worried about your slippy mind, Shell.
Karen: Don’t piss me about. Why did you do it?
Shell doesn’t really have an excuse, except she’s sad and everyone hates her. Karen sighs and lectures her a little, and then tries to reach out.
Karen: The point is, Shell, don’t you think you’re worth more than that?
Whoa: feminist consciousness raising in prison. The U.K. really does do things differently.
The hostel — Denny’s excitement soon turns to disappointment: Her mum’s not at the hostel either. Uh-oh, Di, will you join Denny on a hunt for her mother, all across that green and pleasant land? Road trip!
Denny sits right down on the front steps of the hostel and says she’ll wait. Di tries to talk some sense into her, and is all buddy-buddy.
Di: If it was up to me, gorgeous, we’d stay here till Jessie turned up. But I don’t make the rules.
You sure do make the sweet talk, though, don’t you? Hmm. She promises to help Denny find her mum if she agrees to go back to Larkhall right this minute.
Telling it like it is — The two Julies attack Shell for trying to mess things up for Crystal and Josh.
Julie S.: You’re nothing but an evil slut, Shell Dockley.
Julie J.: Evil slut.
This seems to kick Shell right into high psycho gear, so the Julies just keep taunting her. Prison is like one big playground, but you never get to go home to mum and dad.
The old boys’ club — Simon Stubberfield and Jim Fenner are playing golf. Try to imagine the grimace on my face.
Simon thinks Fenner is just overreacting to Karen’s so-called "vendetta" against him, but then seems to take it seriously when Jim reveals that he and Karen had an affair.
Simon: Why on earth didn’t you tell me about this straightaway?
Fenner: I didn’t think it mattered. I mean, it all happened so long ago, I forgot all about it. I assume she had.
Simon: Well, she hadn’t. ‘Cause she made a point of telling me about it as soon as she realized how closely she was gonna be working with you. Of course, her account of your liaison was a little less vivid. You know, if I were you, Jim, I’d learn to cut your losses. I’m glad the Dockley thing’s out of the way and you’re still in the job, but don’t try and have your cake and eat it. Your putt.
Ha ha! Pwned! Er, whatever you say in golf.
The hard truth — As Denny and Di make their way back to Larkhall, they pass a park. It’s the sort of park where drunks hang out. You know, drunks like Denny’s mum.
Denny runs right up to her and shouts at her. Jessie is so drunk, she doesn’t even recognize Denny at first. And then, when she does, she just falls all over herself and disappoints Denny even more. She even reveals that she has drunk up all the money Denny gave her for a new flat.
Jessie: You always were nothing but bloody trouble. I never wanted you in the first place.
Denny: [crying] Please, stop it. Mum.
Jessie just stares at her, so Denny throws the flowers down and leaves. Ugh, this is too much melodrama! And yet not melodramatic enough, because I’m not giggling; I feel bad for Den.
Hearing voices — Shell continues to go crazy in her cell. She stares at herself in the mirror and calls herself a slut and a bimbo and all kinds of other terrible names. It’s sort of like a cross between a horror movie and a Lifetime movie, especially when Shell burns her own hand with her cigarette.