“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.03 “Visiting Time”

The wing office — Dom is meeting a new prison officer: Di Barker. She’s a transfer from H-Wing and is Jim’s replacement. Hmm, H-Wing. I wonder how many wings there are? I think I’d like to be on X-Wing. Because I’m a complete geek.

Dominic introduces Di to Sylvia.

Sylvia: Welcome to the madhouse. The natives are restless out there.
Dominic: I’m not surprised, after what Jim did.
Sylvia: There was a time when a prison officer was given the benefit of the doubt. Especially from his colleagues.

Yeah, and there was probably also a time when prison officers were assumed to have the ability to keep their trousers zipped and their heads out of their asses.

Dom says he was never comfortable with the whole Jim-Shell situation. Karen joins in the fray, only to have Hollamby accuse her of "snitching."

Karen: Snitching?! It was a serious assault.

Hollamby just keeps rambling about the dire state of things until Simon stops by to talk them all down. Or, rather, talk down to them. He shares the news about Helen, which only makes Sylvia smirk. But her smirk turns to shock when Simon says that Karen will be taking Helen’s place.

Sylvia: [in Di's ear] A madhouse.

Don’t ally yourself with that one, Di. She’s the chief loony!

Plotting — Maybe Yvonne won’t have to help the Julies this time: They’re already devising plans of their own. Julie S. suggests that Julie J. go to Eddie the Drill’s funeral, just to see her kids. It seems there’s a thing called a "compassionate license" for this kind of temporary release. They intend to submit an application to the most compassionate guard — that would be Dom.

Julie S. says Julie J. will have to look really sad about the demise of Eddie the Drill. But Julie J. isn’t sad in the slightest and can’t seem to make herself cry. So Julie S. slices an onion and makes Julie J. sniff it — all to no avail. Jeez, if I did that, I could convincingly cry for my worst enemy. I’d be sobbing for Fenner!

Julie S. has one more idea. She tells Julie J. to close her eyes. And then Julie S. grabs a bottle of lemon juice.

Julie S.: Open ‘em!

She squirts the lemon juice into Julie J.’s eyes. The resulting shrieks are hilariously horrible.

Speaking of an affront to the eyes — Jim is hanging around the house in his favorite beige striped polo and grey sweats. It’s just gross. He announces that he’s decided to fight the system and get his job back. Marilyn’s not exactly sympathetic. Neither is the policeman at the door.

No apologies — Karen gives a little speech to the prison officers, making it clear that she’s committed to her new job.

Karen: I’m not someone who’s soft on inmates, but I will not tolerate lazy, negative officers, either. [looking at Sylvia] Oh, and one other thing. If you’ve got a problem, tell me to my face, OK?

Nice. Di and Dom think so, too, but Hollamby just keeps on grousing.

More deliveries — It seems the lingerie wasn’t enough for Yvonne. Now she wants Denny to ask Josh (the maintenance guy) to smuggle in her favorite heart pendant from Tiffany. OK, but only if you promise to keep wearing those tight pants, Yvonne. You’re so trashtastic.

Crocodile tears — The two Julies present their case to Dominic and Di. Dom is a little suspicious, and Di just wants to play by the rules: Compassionate license is only for blood relatives. Julie J. looks as if she’d like to show Di what blood really is.

An interrogation — Two police officers try to extract the truth from a natural liar. Jim insists he only took "evasive action" with Shell. As he escorts them out, Jim does the friendly average guy routine with them, prompting Marilyn to say, "Oh, very pally."

Jim: I’m facing assault charges. Do you know what it’s like for an ex-screw in prison?

I can only — happily — imagine.

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