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“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 2.02 “S— Happens”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The scapegoat: Nikki gets blamed for Shell’s petty phone pranks.

The schemer: Yvonne has plans for Hollamby. You know, in that scary way that mobsters have “plans.”

The s— stirrer: Helen causes all kinds of trouble for Nikki.

Not such a good night – It’s bedtime at the Fenner household. Mrs. Fenner is answering the phone. It’s Shell, calling her a “poor cow” because she’s “married to him.” It’s like Fenner is Voldemort: best to just call him “him” and never speak his name.

Mrs. Fenner calls for Jim, then turns back to the phone and asks who’s calling. Can’t you tell by the way the phone is glowing red-hot in your hand, Marilyn?

Shell: [in a lower voice and different accent] He gives Shell Dockley a seeing-to in her cell, you know.

Mrs. Fenner: Did you write those letters?

Shell: You can hear him groaning all down the wing.

Mrs. Fenner must be thinking, “Yeah, well, you should hear him snoring all through the night.” But Jim is there now; he takes the phone and says hello, but Shell just hangs up. Jim asks Marilyn what’s going on. Naturally, she says, “You tell me.”

Jim tries to dial 1471 (the equivalent of *69 in the U.S.), but Shell wisely withheld her number. Did I just call Shell “wise”?!

Jim: What does she sound like?

Marilyn: It’s hard to say. But it’s funny how this Shell Dockley’s name keeps cropping up.

Jim: And what’s that supposed to mean, eh?

It means Marilyn may have been stupid enough to marry you, Jim, but she might also be smart enough to leave you. Jim rationalizes the whole thing by saying Shell is a “slag” and lots of people have it in for her. And then he turns it around on Marilyn again.

Jim: That’s what it’s like at a women’s prison. They’re bitching and moaning at me all day long. I expect something better when I come home, all right?

Marilyn just sighs. Next time you exhale, Marilyn, put your breath behind a poison blow dart. That’ll take care of some “bitching and moaning.”

Larkhall – See that strut? See that leather jacket? Miss Stewart is arriving for work. Nikki just happens to be right there inside the gates, pushing a wheelbarrow and keeping her face as expressionless as possible. Well, not quite expressionless – there’s a teensy bit of expectation there. But it won’t be fulfilled: Helen just walks by her without a word. She appears to war with herself a little as she does so, but all Nikki sees is her back, so to her it must just seem like a cold-hearted dis.

But what a lovely cold heart it is! And Nikki is surprisingly cute in her gardener’s garb. Will you two please move on from staring dumbly to gazing deeply into each other’s eyes?

The wing office – Hollamby has a lovely bouquet of flowers. She pretends it’s for Jim, which freaks him out, but she’s just teasing.

Dominic: Who are they for?

Hollamby: The gangster’s moll.

Dominic: Yvonne.

Thank you, Dominic, for filling in the gaps for us. And thank you for defending Yvonne – when Hollamby puts the flowers on the radiator, Dom protests:

Dominic: They’ll die if you do that.

Hollamby: So?

Gah. Such a meanie.

After the roof drama – Zandra is “down the block” (in solitary) in punishment for her little death-defying stunt on the roof in the last episode. Dominic stops by to say hello.

Dominic: You weren’t really gonna jump, were you?

Zandra: What’s it to you? You should have let me do it. I’m not worth saving.

Dominic: That’s half your trouble. You think you’re worth nothin’.

Zandra: Look at me.

Dominic: Aw, come on. It’s not that bad.

I dunno, Dom. She’s in prison; her baby was born a smack addict; the father of the kid is trying to take him away from her; and she’s suicidal. It really is that bad – and worse.

Dom says Miss Stewart is going to let Zandra back on the wing, but Zandra’s not impressed. She is impressed, though, when Dominic gets all vulnerable and cute:

Dominic: Didn’t sleep a wink last night, thinking about you on the edge of that roof.

Aww. He plays it off as just a job thing – “Already had to cope with Rachel Hicks dyin’ on me; don’t want another” – but Zan can see he’s got a heart. She gazes after him when he goes.

Shell’s cell (phone) – Fenner is trying to figure out who’s behind the phone calls to his wife. Shell says it has to be Nikki Wade. Fenner agrees that’s a good bet, but wonders whether it could be someone on the outside. Jeez, Jim. You’re not just foul; you’re dumb. For once, I’m on Shell’s side. Prank away, psycho!

Fenner decides to search Nikki’s cell. Shell pretends to be concerned that someone will find out she’s “shaggin’ a screw.” A screw is one thing, but Fenner? You could have at least seduced Dominic. No, wait. Then I wouldn’t like him as much.

Karen Betts (the new hottie and senior officer) strolls by and chats with Jim. You look mighty good in a uniform, Karen. They talk about their past:

Fenner: That was quite a night at that conference. Musta been what, four years ago?

Karen: So long ago, I’ve forgotten all about it.

And by “so long ago,” she means “so unsatisfying.” I’m just guessing. Fenner asks Karen about her son and her husband. She’s willing to talk about the former, but not the latter. The two Julies save her; they say the washing machine is leaking and there’s water everywhere. He says he’ll sort it out – he’s being all polite and charming, but it’s only to impress Karen. It’s almost as if the two Julies have been paid to put on this little scene. Since when do they think Fenner is an understanding guy?

Karen: [teasing] Uncle Jim.

Fenner: I won’t say, “That’s women for you.”

Karen: Yeah, just as well.

I hope you get the washing machine fixed soon, Julies, because I feel the need to stick my whole head in it and scour the Fenner from my brain.

As Fenner saunters off, Shell gives Karen a hands-off-my-man look. Do I hear coyotes howling and tumbleweeds tumbling?

The canteen – Denny wants a card for her mum, but she doesn’t have enough money. Hollamby refuses to make an exception, even though Denny’s mother is visiting on her birthday and even though the two Julies are yelling at Hollamby to give Den a break. Oh, and someone else is nearby, too:

Yvonne: Buy a Mars bar, Denny. I’m sure Mrs. Hollamby will find a good use for it.

There you are, Yvonne! My day just improved drastically.

Hollamby: I’m glad you’re so amused.

Yvonne: I didn’t know you cared, Miss.

Yvonne is like one of those tough girls who talk back to the teacher and take the smart, good girls under their wings in order to corrupt them. Not that I know anything about that.

The wing office – Karen’s dogs are barking, so she takes her shoes off and puts her feet up. The camera seems to really focus on this; maybe the cameraman has a foot fetish. Dom chats with Karen about working in a women’s “nick” (she’s only worked in men’s prisons). She says she’ll be grateful for any advice. Right on cue, Jim shows up.

Dominic: You should speak to Mr. Fenner. He’s the expert on women ’round here.

Karen: Is that right?

Fenner: I hope that’s not a serious conversation I’m hearing. I don’t want that while I’m puttin’ my feet up.

Ew. The mere idea of Fenner’s feet is so gag-inducing.

Hollamby interrupts to grouse about Yvonne, that “bloody woman.” Yeah, bloody fantastic!

Hollamby: Cheeking me off in front of the riff-raff. Who does she think she is?

She can cheek me off any day. Oops, that’s Denny’s line.

Fenner shares his “rule number one,” which is not to let the prisoners get to him, but Hollamby says they’re not all icicles like he is. Fenner suggests that Hollamby show Karen around and take those flowers to Yvonne – they’re still on the radiator and are starting to smell. Karen pretends to be happy that Hollamby’s going to share her vast stores of wisdom with her. But she doesn’t pretend to approve of the flower-killing thing:

Karen: They could use some water.

Hollamby: Could, couldn’t they?

You’re right, Hollamby: You’re not an icicle. You’re a red-hot poker in my eye!

Chez Yvonne – Yvonne’s not thrilled that her flowers are half dead.

Yvonne: You did this deliberately.

Hollamby: [to Karen] Now, this is what’s called paranoia. It affects most of the inmates in here. The grander they are, the more it gets to ’em.

Yvonne: [reading the card] These are from my husband, as well. They must have cost him a fortune.

Hollamby: Pin money to a man in his profession. Prob’ly has an account with the florist, does he? All them funerals he has to go to.

Yvonne: I think you’d better go, Miss.

Yvonne is genuinely hurt. Karen gives her a “sorry; that one’s crazy” look as she and Hollamby leave. Ah, now I like you even better, Karen. You’ve already allied yourself with Yvonne over Hollamby. That shows a great wisdom, and perhaps also an appreciation for great badasses.

Yvonne’s pain quickly turns to plotting as she ruminates in her cell. I’d watch my back if I were you, Hollamby. And every other body part.

Nikki’s cell – Nikki is reading a gardening magazine. That makes me giggle. But she can only scowl as Fenner asks her to “hand it over” (meaning the cell phone that’s really in Shell’s cell).

Fenner: Listen, doll. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Where is it?

Nikki: I suppose an explanation’s out of the question, is it?

It is, of course. Fenner tells her to stand up and proceeds to wreck her cell. When he sees her books, she says, “Don’t even think about it,” but he does – he starts to throw them around, which of course drives Nikki mad. There are a few guaranteed ways to drive Nikki mad: keep her from Helen, take her books away, and … hmm, maybe there are only two. Oh: Be unfair, to her or anyone else. That’s the big one, and it pretty much covers the other two.

Dominic hears Nikki yelling and interrupts to tell her to calm down, but she’s too far gone – she freaks out and slaps him. Naturally, this gets her sent right down the block. As the guards take her away in a headlock (jeez), Fenner continues to search her cell but finds nothing.

An abrupt change of pace – Out in the yard, Denny chats with a maintenance guy who is changing a lightbulb. He calls her “princess,” which seems so wrong. He leaves, and Yvonne shows up. Ah, much better.

Yvonne and Denny talk about Denny’s mother. Yvonne is genuinely sorry to hear that Denny’s mum is an alcoholic, and she talks about her daughter, Lauren. They discover that Denny and Lauren are the same age: 21. So the dynamic has just changed: Denny had a crush, but now she sort of has a substitute mom instead. That’s sweet.

Yvonne thinks maybe there’s a way for Lauren to help both her and Denny. I love it when you get all cryptic and foreboding, Yvonne.

Down the block – Nikki’s still calling all the guards “bastards.” Fenner gets in her face one more time:

Fenner: Just tell me where it is.

Nikki: It’s in your dreams, Fenner, that’s where it is.

The way she says this is so psychotic, it almost competes with Shell. Spooky!

Making a deal – Denny asks the maintenance guy to bring in a package of undies for her. Hmm. I’m guessing they aren’t really for her. And this guy isn’t really for me; something about him is bugging me. We’ll have to stay tuned (and won’t we just?).

The gov’s office – Dominic tells Helen about the Nikki situation. He says Jim got a tip that Nikki had drugs, which of course makes no sense to Helen.

Helen: All right, Dominic, thank you. I’ll look into this straightaway.

Or gayaway, maybe. Helen sits down at her desk and thinks and thinks and thinks. About Nikki. You know, for a change.

Mealtime – Denny and Yvonne talk about the maintenance guy and the package of undies. A-ha, they’re for Yvonne! Or something … I don’t quite get it yet, but I do get that much.

They sit with the two Julies, who happily reveal that they’ve been making a birthday card for Den to give to her mother. Could they be sweeter? Denny is pleased. And Yvonne finds it moving, too, but she’s not happy when Shell shows up and whisks Denny away.

Shell: Don’t want you goin’ astray, do we?

No, we don’t. Which is why we want Denny to stay right where she is rather than sit with you.

Sussing things out – Helen tries to get Fenner to give her more details about the Nikki thing. He says she’s up to something, and Helen just needs to trust him.

Helen: I don’t think I like this unorthodox approach of yours, Jim.

Fenner: Well, I know you have a special interest in Nikki Wade. I’ll call you every time I have dealings with her in future, shall I?

Helen’s face tells him what he can do “in future.”

Jim admits he didn’t find anything in Nikki’s cell, and Helen admits it wasn’t OK for Nikki to take a swing at Dominic. Helen says she just wants to make an informed decision, but Jim thinks Nikki should be shipped out.

Helen: [sharply] Let me be the judge of what happens, all right?

All right!

The laundry room – Denny and the maintenance guy talk about the plans for the package of “knickers.” The dude wants to know if Denny is going to model them for him later.

Denny: [shaking her head and rolling her eyes] You are so sad.

Snicker. Alicia Eyo is a pretty good actress.

A storm in solitary confinement – Whoa, look at the way Helen’s stomping. Scary.

Helen: OK, Nikki, this is it. I have given you every chance to make things better for yourself here.

Nikki: Lucky they’re still alive.

Helen: Oh, that’s really intelligent talk.

Nikki: Do you honestly think I’ve got drugs in my cell?

Helen: If an officer suspects you –

Nikki: Don’t give me that. Fenner’s as bent as they come, and you know it.

Nikki tries to storm off, but she can’t. That’s gotta be one of the worst things about prison: no way to make a dramatic exit. That, and the pink walls down the block – is that part of the punishment? They’re hideous.

Helen reminds Nikki that she’ll lose her Enhanced status for this and should try to play well with others for her own sake.

Nikki: The bastard was chucking my books around!

Helen: [getting in her face] You only have those books because of me. Any more of this crap, and I will take them away.

Nikki: What?

Helen: You heard.

Nikki: You’re only behaving like this because you can’t handle it. So why don’t you give in, Miss, and stick your tongue down my throat?

Nikki certainly knows when to use that low, sexy voice of hers. Yow. Helen can only turn on her heels and go, but on her way out, she stops to say that Nikki just doesn’t get it. Oh, I think she does, Helen. I think she does.

For whom the phone rings – A nervous-looking Marilyn Fenner answers the phone. It’s Shell again, but this time Marilyn tries to talk back. She says any fool can tell lies over the phone, so Shell says she can give her all the proof she needs. Great.

Next thing you know, the phone is ringing again. This time Jim is home to answer it. It’s his mother. Wait. Fenner has a mother?

Taunting the moll – Hollamby stops by Yvonne’s cell just to annoy her.

Hollamby: Just checking you’re still alive.

Yvonne: Oh. Now that’s something you shouldn’t joke about.

Hollamby: That wouldn’t be a threat, would it, Atkins?

Oh, it would, it would. Hollamby says she’s not worried about it – all part of the job – but she sure does skedaddle quickly.

Denny stops by. These two have a nice little friendship going. Yvonne asks if she’s all set for her mum’s visit.

Yvonne: You got any makeup?

Denny: [embarrassed] No. Shut up.

Yvonne: Come on. You’ve got a lovely face. You should smarten yourself up for her.

Denny: She wouldn’t even notice if I had a head transplant.

Yvonne insists that Denny sit down and submit to a makeover. I think she’d submit to anything you ask, Yvonne, but can’t you see that makeup isn’t really Denny’s thing?

I dig your daughter too – Outside, the maintenance guy (Josh) meets Lauren, Yvonne’s daughter, for the handoff. Look at Lauren! Wow. She and her mum are equally attractive in totally different ways.

Lauren seems to think Josh is cute, though. Oh well.

The wing office – Fenner notices that Karen is trying to learn all she can about Larkhall. He reckons she’s a control freak.

Karen: You might know more about me if you’d bothered to phone all those years ago.

He takes this as an invitation rather than a reprimand and asks her to go for a drink sometime. She wisely declines.

Fenner: Oh, come on. We’ve gotta find some way of working together.

Karen: Which is why I’m not coming out for a drink.

Smart, sexy in a uniform, and a friend to Yvonne. Yes, I like you, Karen.

Karen asks about Marilyn. Fenner says he and his wife are “rock solid,” but you can tell he doesn’t even believe that himself.

A gift – Denny’s mother is staring at the Larkhall gates as if she’s not sure she wants to go in. Lauren finds her and introduces herself. She gives her a packet of money and wishes her a happy birthday.

Well. These Atkins women are good people to know.

Gross – Shell tells Fenner she’s “desperate for it” and begs him to meet her after lockup. Desperate for what? STDs? General nastiness?

The visit – Yvonne and Lauren talk about the package handoff and about Mr. Atkins, who sends his love from Spain.

Yvonne: [looking at Hollamby] That old cow is gettin’ right on my tits.

That’s quite an image. Not one I care to keep in my brain for very long. Lauren wonders what her father would do if he heard about the flowers.

Yvonne: Oh, no. I’m gonna have some fun with her first.

Nearby, a made-up Denny (she looks a little weird, but fine) gives her mum, Jessie, a hug and the card the Julies made. Jessie doesn’t understand why she got that envelope outside. Denny just says it was a birthday present, and smiles as Yvonne looks over at them.

Jessie: Who’s that?

Denny: A new mate.

Jessie worries that Denny is in some kind of trouble, but Denny reassures her. There’s so much mother-daughter stuff in this episode – these inmates have stronger family relationships than most people I know.

Denny starts to spin a happy fantasy of the life they can have together when she gets out; she tells Jessie to take the money and get a flat, or at least save up for one. And she reminds her to stay off the booze. Jessie confirms that she hasn’t touched a drop. Is this Bad Girls or the Hallmark channel?

Speaking of relationships – Dominic tells Zandra that he’s always there if she ever wants to talk. She thanks him for “what he did for her on the roof.” You know, saving her life and all. Thanks, Dom.

They exchange long, meaningful looks as they part ways. It’s nowhere close to the heat of the Helen-Nikki scenes, but it’s sweet.

Down the block – Karen stops by to see Nikki.

Karen: Well?

Nikki: Is that an interjection, or an inquiry after my health?

Woo! They can lock her up, but they’ll never take away her precious sarcasm.

Nikki: Who’re you, anyway? It’s Helen Stewart I want to see.

Karen: Is it, now? Well, I’d better warn you, I’m not the kind of officer who runs errands for prisoners.

Nikki: Well, as long as you piss off when I ask you to, frankly, I couldn’t give a toss.

Karen: I can’t work out if you want trouble or whether you’re just stupid. But either way, you’re in for it.

Nikki: Oh, golly.

Just in time, Helen shows up. Karen says Nikki is being a brat (she’s right about that) and thus she’ll put Nikki on report. What’s next? Down the block, on report, no Enhanced status? Just don’t gag her; I’m really starting to enjoy her voice.

Helen: So, no improvement in your behavior?

Nikki: [silence]

Helen: Is that a no?

Nikki: It’s a “piss off,” like I just gave that other tart. You gonna put me on report as well?

Helen: Why are you being like this? Can’t you see what you’re doing to me?

Nikki: And what about what you’re doing to me?

Helen: Don’t make this any harder for me!

Nikki: Yeah, must be hard, getting angry with someone you’ve snogged.

Helen: Oh, please, Nikki. Be serious.

Nikki: I want to make love to you all night long. Is that serious enough?

Helen: [stunned silence]

Nikki: I know I knock Fenner. At least when he fancies a con, he has the courage to give her one.

Helen, who has the luxury of being able to make dramatic exits, does just that. I’m too busy swooning over the way she said serrrrious to think about much else. But, wow, Nikki – you’re so very forward all of a sudden! I guess anger gives you energy.

Nikki swallows hard after Helen leaves. Probably half with regret and half with desire.

The laundry room – Hollamby wants to know why Josh the maintenance guy is hanging out with Denny. He says the washing machines have been acting up, and just to prove it to her, he turns one on. It promptly squirts water in Hollamby’s face.

Hollamby: You stupid –

She’s so stunned and angry, she can’t even form words. And maybe she was about to say something a little untoward? Whatever it was, she thinks better of it and leaves. Denny and Josh giggle. That was pretty awesome. A little more water, and Hollamby the witch might have melted!

Shipping out – Karen and another guard tell Nikki to get up.

Karen: We’re moving you out.

Oh no! But … but … you can’t!

Yvonne’s cell – Yvonne likes the lingerie Josh and Denny smuggled in for her. She and Denny laugh about Bodybag getting “soaked.” Denny talks about her mum and thanks Yvonne for giving her something to look forward to – for the first time since she arrived at Larkhall.

I like you both, but please, must you be so sweet throughout the whole episode? It’s starting to give me a funny feeling, like maybe something terrible is going to happen to you. Maybe you could try on the lingerie, Yvonne. That would give me a different kind of funny feeling.

Another phone call – Shell calls Mrs. Fenner again and arranges to give her the “proof” she wanted. Um, Shell? Did you know Nikki is being shipped out and thus cannot be framed for these calls anymore? You’re so busted.

Bye-bye, gov – Helen stands by sternly as Nikki boards the prison transport truck.

Nikki: At least tell me where I’m going.

Helen just stares at her. As the doors close behind Nikki, Helen sighs heavily. What have you done, Helen? How can you do this to yourself? And to me?

The proof – Shell calls Mrs. Fenner and tells her to “just listen.” Jim stops by and shags Shell, and his grunts and dirty talk come over the phone loud and clear. Poor Marilyn. But if she gets rid of Jim for good, life can only get better.

After the lovin’ (ew), Fenner makes his way out of the building. He’s wearing a disgusting smirk. He could not be more vile.

Shell tucks the phone in her brassiere for safekeeping. Um. I can think of safer places.

Helen’s office – Helen is going through some files. The next one in the stack is Nikki’s. Helen freezes when she sees the little mug shot of Nikki on the outside of the folder. She brushes it with her thumb as if she’s caressing Nikki’s face, and sighs.

Fix it, Helen!

Taking out the trash – Dominic tells Fenner that his wife is outside. Fenner is surprised, of course, and then he’s even more surprised when Marilyn slaps him – hard. Right on! Then she throws a suitcase of clothes at him and tells him about the final, damning phone call. She hops into her car and leaves him standing there like an idiot.

Awesome.

On his way in, Jim sees Helen in the hallway. She tells him Nikki has been shipped out, which (of course) confuses him. Gee, what can that mean, Fenner? Perhaps Wade wasn’t the caller after all, hmm?

Fenner promptly goes to Shell’s cell and hits her hard. He finds the phone and beats her some more, kicking her a few times for good measure. As he leaves, he bumps into Karen, who notices the blood on Jim’s hand. Jim runs off before she can ask too many questions. Karen asks Shell what happened, but Shell just says she fell. Come on, Shell. I think you can trust Karen. But then again, you’re not terribly skilled at figuring out who’s trustworthy, are you?

Jim stuffs the cell phone in a trash bin. Well, that all worked out nicely.

On the road – Nikki needs the loo. The truck drivers just laugh.

Helen’s office – Shell is telling Helen the whole sordid story. Or part of it, anyway. She says Fenner thought she was calling his wife, and that’s why he beat her. She admits she had a phone, but denies calling Mrs. Fenner. Helen is shocked to find out that Shell and Fenner have been having an affair for years, and that Fenner had sex with Rachel Hicks, too. Fire his sorry ass, Helen!

Helen realizes she shipped Nikki out for no good reason. She picks up the phone.

On the road – The truck turns around. In the back, Nikki bounces around cluelessly, still needing the loo. Ouch!

Simon Stubberfield’s office – Jim gives his completely ridiculous version of the Shell story. He even has a report of the whole thing. He says Shell is “deranged,” but Helen says there will be a police inquiry.

Simon is eager to let Jim go on with his day, but Helen says it’s standard procedure to suspend Jim from his duties.

Helen: Either he goes, or I go. If you don’t care what goes on in this prison, I’ll take it up with area management.

Woo! Watch out, boys: She knows she’s right, and she’s not backing down. Er, I hope not, anyway.

A strange twist of fate – Nikki gets out of the truck, only to find herself back at Larkhall. She’s confused, angry and probably still needs the loo.

Who’s the boss? – Simon has agreed to suspend Fenner, but Helen suspects it will just be a whitewash job. Helen believes Shell’s story and won’t stand for Simon’s half-assed punishment.

Simon: Can I remind you that I am in charge in Larkhall, whether you like it or not?

Helen: [yelling] Well, I don’t like it! I don’t like it one bit.

Dude. Do you see Helen’s face, Simon? She’s going to actually bite your head off next time.

A dishonorable discharge – As Fenner leaves, the inmates scream at him and call him a bastard. Nikki arrives just in time to witness the ruckus.

Nikki: [to a guard] Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?

He probably wouldn’t know where to begin, Nik.

A regime change – Helen visits Nikki in her cell. Miss Stewart has a very interesting look on her face. And then when she sits down next to Nikki and starts to talk, things get even more interesting.

Helen: Nikki, I want to apologize. You told me you were provoked by Fenner. I’ve reason to believe you now.

Nikki: Oh, well, bloody marvelous. I’m shipped ’round the country in a cattle truck while you work out the obvious.

Helen: I said I’m sorry.

Nikki: So what’s brought this on, then?

Helen: Fenner’s just been suspended, over a suspected relationship with an inmate.

Nikki: Not Shell Dockley by any chance?

Helen: Listen, Nikki – about what happened today. I let my emotions cloud my professional judgment. I thought I could fight them. I was stupid.

Nikki: What are you saying?

Helen: I won’t be looking after your case anymore.

Nikki: What?

Helen: I’ve resigned.

Oh, no no no! That is not the answer! Nikki agrees; she nearly jumps off her cot.

Nikki: Helen, you can’t do this to me. This isn’t fair.

Helen: Listen, I’ve just suspended Jim Fenner when I’m guilty of the same offense – in thought, if not in deed.

Nikki: [shaking her head] So what now?

Helen: Well, I’m not your jailer anymore … which means I can do this.

And “this” is a series of very sexy, deep, hotter-than-hot kisses. Helen takes Nikki’s face in her hands and does that little whimpering thing again.

Nikki starts to cry.

Helen: What?

Nikki: Say you’ll visit me. Please. Say you’ll visit me.

Helen: Nikki, it’s too difficult.

Nikki: Helen, you can’t leave me like this. This is s—.

Helen: [caressing Nikki’s cheek] S— happens.

And once again, Helen turns and goes. That was one of the worst lines ever (we speak in bumper stickers all of a sudden?) and one of the best kissing scenes ever.

If you need me, I’ll be right here, sitting on the rewind button.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: Nikki gets a letter; Karen Betts gets a promotion; Julie J.’s kids visit.

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