“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 1.8 “Falling Apart”

Meal time — Next thing you know, the Julies are serving everyone apples.

Julie S.: Apple, Denny?
Denny: Piss off, man. Can’t stand ‘em. They rot your teeth.
Julie S.: Oh, all the better.

Denny looks around for guards, then turns back to the Julies and hilariously mouths, "Why?"

Thickening the plot — The two Julies ask Nikki, who does quite a bit of gardening, to help them with their little project. She’s reluctant, but they plead with her:

Julie J.: Go on.
Julie S.: It is for us.
Julie J.: You know you love us.

Nikki, you’re cute when you pout and roll your eyes.

Nikki: How’re you gonna keep it the right temperature?
Julie J.: Well, what we thought was, we could take it in turns to come out and hug it.
Nikki: Pardon?

What a couple of kooks you are, Julies. And in your miniskirts and bling and ponytails, you look like girls in women’s bodies. Aw.

Nikki says the wine needs to be kept warm permanently, so the hugging idea won’t work. Suddenly Nikki notices the compost heap. Just as she’s about to point it out to the Julies, Officer Hollamby wanders by. The schemers quickly disperse and plan to reconvene later. But first the two Julies give Nikki some sterilizing tablets they’ve swiped from the mother-and-baby unit. Nikki has to sterilize the watering can so it can serve as a wine cask. This is so complex! I guess criminal minds can be brilliant sometimes.

Out in the yard, Denny spills the beans to the worst possible conspirator:

Denny: I know something you don’t.
Shell: So what?
Denny: The mad twins are brewing up some jungle juice. And I got a share in it, ’cause I gave ‘em an apple.

Shell doesn’t respond, so Denny just walks away. Denny, aren’t there dozens of other girls in there who’d make better companions? You know, the sort who don’t stab you in the back? I’m not speaking metaphorically.

But in the next mealtime queue (how many times a day do they eat in this place?), Shell tells the Julies she can get them some yeast. She says she just wants to be invited to the party. The Julies agree, though they look like they want to bite their own tongues off when they do.

The potting shed — Nikki and Julie S. are setting things up: squeezing lemon juice into the watering can, dumping in some sugar and yeast. Nikki’s not thrilled that Shell is now involved, but she goes along with the plan.

Outside, Julie J. is keeping a lookout. She sees Hollamby and taps on the potting shed door to warn Julie S. and Nikki. But Julie J. can’t stop Hollamby — the sour-faced screw pushes past her and opens the potting shed door.

Nikki does the only thing she can think of (and she does seem to think about this a lot when she’s in that shed): She takes off her shirt. When Hollamby opens the door, Julie S. is shirtless too. Julie J. looks downright confused.

Nikki: Oh, please, Miss, you’re not gonna report us, are you, Miss? We were only having a quick feel.

Hollamby says it turns her stomach to see such "disgusting" activities, but she can’t seem to stop staring. Hee. Well done with the quick thinking, Nikki! If only Helen had been the one opening the door. On the other hand, you might have ended up in solitary in that case.

A break in the frivolity — Helen calls Monica to her office. Helen looks pale and stunned, and no wonder: Monica’s son Spencer has died suddenly in his sleep. Monica falls apart, of course, and rejects Helen’s words of support.

Monica: You know nothing about me. You know nothing about my life. None of you. You know nothing.

Helen starts to break too. She and Dominic escort Monica back to her cell. The two Julies see them and think they’ve done something to Monica.

A nurse gives Monica something to help her sleep. Helen stays with Monica until she drifts off. Is it normal for wing governors to cradle inmates and rock them to sleep? I doubt it. I suspect nothing about Helen is normal — and that’s a compliment.

Helen tucks Monica into bed and stays with her a little longer, caressing her forehead. Wow. Well, I guess this show knows how to go from the absurd to the profound in two seconds flat.

Helen has a meeting with the guards to tell them what’s happened. She tells them to keep a close eye on Monica and to grant every reasonable request. Fenner pretends to be concerned. Or maybe he really is concerned; it’s hard to figure out what’s motivating him half the time.

After the meeting, Hollamby, that heartless meanie, complains about the "mollycoddling" and says it’s good for cons to be reminded that crime has consequences. Or something like that. I’m too busy gaping in disbelief, just like Dominic.

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