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The problem is, the line drawn is fluid — no one's really sure where it is at any given moment. Gay people, gay entertainers especially, know where it's not, though, and more often than not, that's where they position themselves. Whether Tomlin realized this early in her career or figured it out as she went along, I don't know, but the fact remains she's played it safe, very close to the line, but not over it. And that's not bad; it's just the way it is.
Lily Tomlin has contributed to the fight against ignorance in many ways, including ways that those of us who aren't famous can't, but it isn't her outspokenness about being a lesbian that's stood the test of time, it's her ability to glide under the homophobes' radar, making a non-threatening hum rather than an intimidating racket.
Despite
her fame, Tomlin has managed to both live openly as a lesbian
and behave in a way that's broadly acceptable and non-offensive.
She's managed to keep her personal life, including her thirty-five
year relationship with writer Jane Wagner, fairly personal without
being a recluse. She's supportive of the gay community, but
doesn't otherwise call a lot of attention to her sexuality.
And,
most importantly, she doesn't rock the political boat to the
point where the waves are felt in the Bible belt. Unprovoked
and likely even enchanted, the media respects her offstage,
as well as on. As a result, the folks whose panties are usually
in knots sit still.
Tomlin can be called a lot of things, including brilliant and a comic genius, but no one can yet credit her with being a booming voice for the gay and lesbian community. On the contrary, she's simply doing what a lot of lesbians do and what some wish they had the courage to do — she's living her life honestly and under little scrutiny. And for that she deserves our respect, not our idealistic perceptions.
The gay community needs Lily Tomlin and all lesbians — famous or not— who act passively as much as we need more assertive activists. The subtle contributions any lesbian makes in her own circles, in the workplace, within her family and extended family, and so on, are as valuable as the contributions of large queer organizations. Every little bit helps. But let's not forget that one of the main reasons more and more lesbians are coming out, receive partnership benefits, are able to adopt and live openly and honestly, etc., is because of all the people accused of being “too gay” in the face of all those who told them to shut up.
If invisibility, in Ebert's sense of the word, is our goal, and we reach it, we have those who were visible to thank for it — those who stood out so that others can blend in.
Among those we owe gratitude is Ellen DeGeneres. She's been to the “too gay” party and back. Even though she's now behaving more like Lily Tomlin than the outspoken lesbian we once knew, Ellen's gay bell can't be unrung.
Ellen
is the entertainer that best illustrates the point Ebert tried
to make, I think. Unlike Lily, there's no “forgetting” that
Ellen's gay — not yet, anyway, and maybe not ever. What many
people forget when they look at Ellen are all of the lies they've
been told about what it means to be a lesbian.
Some
people still dislike Ellen for her outspokenness in the past,
sure, and some gay people are mad at her for no longer talking
publicly about gay issues, but to those who love her — and there
are millions — her sexuality is realized and it's
a non-issue.
That's important.
Kim Ficera is the author of Sex, Lies and Stereotypes: An Unconventional Life Uncensored. Her bi-weekly column Don't Quote Me is dedicated to all the folks in and out of Hollywood who talk without thinking or who don't know when to stop talking. Email her at kim@kimficera.com.
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