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How
do sessions begin? Are eyeliner-challenged lesbians
asked to apply make-up to pumpkins first? Are there field
trips to Walmart? Free subscriptions to InStyle?
Is there a session called Flannel Is A No-No?
And
what about the lesbians who already enjoy wearing dresses
and make-up? Do they advance to the head of the class? Do
they get longer eyelashes?
I
looked around for answers to those questions, but only came
up with more questions, including this one: If homosexuality
is the root of evil, why are so many straight people fucked
up?
Hello?
(Picture
the Exodus people covering their ears and singing, “I
can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!”)
What
I did learn is that the people who run ex-gay ministries
don’t really know why a person is gay, and they admit
that. However, they lean toward the belief that homosexuality
is not genetic and that homosexual behavior comes about
because of a bad relationship with a same-sex parent. They
also rely heavily on scripture, specifically Romans 1:26–27,
to send the message home for the doubting Thomases.
The
Exodus people believe, “If homosexuality is genetic,
then that doesn't explain why we see such a similarity in
personal backgrounds among the men and women who seek our
help. There is a pretty uniform picture of poor family dynamics
in general, a rift in the father-son or mother-daughter
relationship growing up, feelings of being an outsider among
one's peers during childhood and adolescence, and instances
of sexual abuse/incest. These are root issues that men and
women can address.”
Or
not. They can, instead, cover their issues with lipstick
and blush.
Exodus
is an easy sell to people with enough misery to buy. And
if the testimonials on the Exodus website are true, most
of these folks have had unbelievably miserable lives. It
would take mere mortals in white coats years to help them,
and I suspect there is not enough Prozac to go around the
Bible Belt. Tapping God is, for them, the only way to happiness.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
There
are some very, very good faith-based recovery programs in
the world that have “saved” people from the
terrors of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as physical and
emotional abuse. But falling in love with a member of the
same sex, and hating yourself because of it, isn’t
the same as being a crack addict. Exodus isn’t even
in the same league.
The
good programs balance prayer with personal accountability
and help people make healthier choices. Exodus appears to
balance prayer with more prayer and a lot of self-hatred.
Responsibility is not on the menu.
Being
gay isn’t easy, but neither is being straight.
We all have tales of woe. We have to take the bad with the
good, just like Jo and the other “girls” said:
Ya
take the good
ya take the bad
ya take em both and thare ya have
t he facts of life, the facts of life…
But
if you prefer spiritual wisdom over sitcom wisdom, go for
it—trust in God. Trust in His infallibility. Trust
that you were born right the first time.
Kim
Ficera is the author of Sex, Lies and Stereotypes: An Unconventional
Life Uncensored. Her
bi-weekly column Don't
Quote Me is dedicated to all the folks in and out of
Hollywood who talk without thinking or who don't know when
to stop talking.
Email her at kim@kimficera.com.
