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Perhaps
it only goes to show that in the land of stereotypes,
we lesbians—admitted and not—are still defined
primarily by what we wear and refuse to wear. And that’s
partially, if not all, our own fault.
Many
of us do more than our part to reinforce the lesbians-hate-dresses
stereotype. Take Ellen DeGeneres, for example. In a statement
issued last week announcing that DeGeneres will host the
upcoming Primetime Emmy Awards, our Ellen quipped, “You
know me, any excuse to put on a dress.”
We
laughed, as she knew we would. Imagine Ellen in a low-cut
number by Vera Wang or in a backless Valentino. She’d
look uncomfortably un-Ellen! And, more to the point, because
she’s not a dress-wearing lesbian, she’d look
even more like the lesbian that she is—especially
in the eyes of other lesbians.
So,
too, might Melissa Fryrear. She might have new stockings
and heels, but does a new wardrobe make her any less a lesbian?
Nope.
It’s
sad to read the testimonials of grown women who
have gone to great lengths to deceive themselves, as well
as others, and who in the end fail miserably and don’t
even know it.
Their
stories are gripping! Reports of rape, suicide, molestation
and emotional abuse are on every page and begin with sentences
such as, “When I was 13 years of age, I was forcefully
raped by a family friend…,” “My grandfather
molested me when I was nine…,” “ Until
I was 10 years old, I was regularly caned and locked in
a room…,” “I grew up in a house of chaos
and violence…,” “Why can't somebody just
love me?”
To
say these women have struggled would be an understatement.
Some have been through hell. Yet, very few admit to seeking
psychiatric treatment. They all simply believe what they’re
told — that their victim status is rooted in their
homosexual urges, actions and behaviors, or in the homosexual
actions of others, not in their own choices.
Consequently,
many of their horrifying tales end not with a call to a
doctor, but with an extremely happy-go-lucky trip to a make-up
counter or a mall—a shopping spree that’s nothing
short of a miraculous, Bible-icious even, remedy to what
ails them.
Here’s
what Ann McNeill Phillips writes in her Exodus testimonial
called An End to the Loneliness:
“While
in therapy and a recovery program, I struggled through the
swamp of emotional dependency, gender dis-identification,
depression, pornography addiction, and revelations of past
abuse. After my graduation from the recovery program, I
lived with the Kulps … One very special day, Pat and
her mother took me shopping. Because we would be looking
for women's clothes and make-up, I was ready to have a miserable
time. Instead, my friends tenderly coached me in styles
and colors. Laughing and talking together, I felt accepted
as a woman. It was the first time I could ever remember
not feeling "different.”
