Ivette
isn’t the first lesbian to dis another
lesbian’s looks or style. We all have different
tastes, and we’re all allowed to criticize. She’s
not even the first lesbian to admit she hates the word
‘lesbian.’ It’s public knowledge that
Ellen D. isn’t fond of the word. But is it really
a style and a word Ivette doesn’t like, or the fact
that the word and style connect her to an entire subsection
of gay women she finds unattractive and, further, appears
to be ashamed of and grossed-out by?
Ivette
does not want to be lumped in with lesbians who, she believes,
don’t care how they look. To put it bluntly, she believes
that unattractive dykes give her a bad—vulgar—name.
Sweet,
in a psycho-cheerleader kinda way.
I,
perhaps like you, have friends that might agree with Ivette.
Some women, indeed, find the word lesbian bothersome. Although
none of the lesbians I know have gone so far as to say the
word is vulgar, they, like Ivette, believe they live their
lives in inoffensive and girly ways that help the Smiths
and Joneses reject the old-school notion that lesbians are
fat, ugly, and sloppy.
Okay.
Got it.
But
here’s what I don’t get: Why in their efforts
to be considered feminine or attractive do ‘pretty’
lesbians have to dump on lesbians who are, in their opinion,
less attractive? (Let’s not forget that the definition
of “attractive” is always up for grabs.) If
pretty lesbians are as secure in their appearance as they
claim, why are they so affected by the appearance of others?
Could they be so desperate for approval because they are
so stingy in doling it out?
If
Ivette wants to change the world’s view of lesbians,
then she might want to start by changing the way she sees
herself. There’s absolutely nothing attractive about
ignorance or, worse, self-loathing.
Ivette
is a lesbian. She can call herself gay or a “lipstick,”
or even a girl who likes girls, but she’s still a
lesbian. There’s nothing vulgar about it, except in
some dark corner of her mind. There exist lesbians who care
little about their appearance, that’s true. There
are plenty of lesbians who wear jeans from Sears and not
Seven, just as there are plenty of straight women who roam
malls in sweatpants.
So
what?
More
importantly, many of the women whom Ivette might consider
unfeminine have, like her, strived for and achieved a “look.”
Their “Hot” is Ivette’s “Not Hot,”
and vice versa.
This
is life, not a John Hughes film. Ivette should have left her
cattiness at the prom.
Instead
of celebrating the various styles of lesbians, Ivette and
others like her (and there are plenty) consider such diversity
an assault on good taste—a big, ugly weight that keeps
them down and prevents them from being even more appealing
than they already believe they are.
Sigh.
Now
that’s unattractive.
Kim
Ficera is the author of Sex, Lies and Stereotypes: An Unconventional
Life Uncensored. Email her at kim@kimficera.com.
