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In
past episodes, producers have pit an unfit “wife”
against a personal trainer “husband” who behaved more like
a drill sergeant possessed than a decent human being. They
put an African-American woman in a home where racist language
is common, an atheist woman in a pastor’s home, and a vegan
in the home of a family who feeds on venison and squirrels.
Producers routinely pit the smart against the ignorant and
the strict against the free spirits. While the “swaps” make
for great TV, the show itself falls way short of the good
it claims to do.
If
only Wife Swap got out of its own, extreme way.
There’s
a middle ground that’s begging to star
in this program, but Wife Swap producers are staying
clear of it. We — the people who don’t appear on reality
programs — work and play on that ground each and every day,
and we not only function, we grow. We aren’t often distracted
or disturbed by absurd circumstances that are thrown at
us by sneaky people with great aim.
In
fact, in our daily lives, I suspect we’d each be strained
to find a vegan who’d volunteer to slap a squirrel on rye
for an audience that’s just waiting to see her puke.
Our
lives are simply not that extreme.
In
real-life we aren’t baited and then followed by a camera
crew. We meet people whose views differ from our own all
the time, and sometimes we share our views intelligently,
and other times we jabber like jerks. But these meetings
are rarely “explosive.”
They
are, however, almost always interesting.
Would
the result be so unmarketable, unwatchable if Wife Swap
producers tried to bring two families together instead of
dabbing gravy behind the ears of every “wife” they throw
to the wolves? If the families were left to their own devices,
would they grow to like each other or at least not want
to slap one another?
It’s
possible. Call me an optimistic fool, but I think
a little decency could kill the animus. I see great bridge-building
potential in the Wife Swap idea. A less rabid and
more sensible approach could take reality TV to a new level
— not one of sap, and not one without conflict, but one
of true convergence.
What
has worked positively for foreign exchange students could
work for entire families that are interested in experiencing
how others live. Moreover, I suspect the families would
appreciate getting from the experience exactly what they’re
told they’d get.
Something
other than money motivates Wife Swap participants,
after all. Could that something be goodness? An actual desire
to teach, learn and grow? The families aren’t “rewarded,”
they’re only reimbursed.
While
common sense tells me that there are Wife Swap families
that are only in search of making their fifteen minutes
of fame last a lifetime, I suspect there are many more interested
in making a difference in their small corner of the world.
If,
as ABC says, Wife Swap is “a show about the things
that really matter to families across America,”
then they’ve got to work harder to prove that the things
that matter to American families don’t include exploitation
and humiliation.
Would
a kinder, gentler Wife Swap have helped Jeffrey Bedford
see the gay forest through his garden of ignorance? I don’t
know. But he wouldn’t have had to battle flying monkeys
for a clear view.
For
more on Wife Swap, read our review on February's
lesbian episode
Kim
Ficera is the author of Sex, Lies and Stereotypes: An Unconventional
Life Uncensored. Her
bi-weekly column Don't
Quote Me is dedicated to all the folks in and out of
Hollywood who talk without thinking or who don't know when
to stop talking.
Email her at kim@kimficera.com.
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