"The whole theme of the display was sadomasochistic and implied lesbianism…I felt like I was walking down a street in Amsterdam and watching the prostitutes sitting in the windows trying to lure in customers. Victoria’s Secret has pushed the envelope so far, where can they go next? Live sex acts in their windows? … We should not have to fear going shopping at a mall…”

--Traditional Values Coalition’s Executive Director Andrea Lafferty, who, armed with her camera, waged war on Victoria’s Secret at the Tyson’s Corner Mall in McLean, Virginia.

Shopping for underwear with Andrea Lafferty must be ton of fun — like being buried alive.

What’s her beef? A Victoria’s Secret window display, in which two mannequins are spooning in a bed, one mannequin is posed on its hands and knees as if crawling toward another, and yet another is tied in ropes. Each mannequin is scantily clad in typical Victoria’s Secret fashion.

Unusual? Yes. But it’s hardly worth a 10 on the Freak-Out-O-Meter. In fact, I don’t know what’s more bizarre — “lesbian” mannequins in garters or Christian conservatives taking pictures of “lesbian” mannequins in garters.

I suppose lesbians worldwide should thankful that Lafferty didn’t leap to the oft-stated and icky conclusion that “lesbian” mannequins who have “sex” with other “lesbian” mannequins will soon want to have “sex” with “animal” mannequins. But it’s early in her fight.

It’s also early in a profitable, yet slippery, wave of advertising and media strategy: promoting “lesbian” fantasy. You’ve seen it on TV, in movies, videos and magazines, but now it’s coming closer — inching toward a mall near you on all fours.

In many ways this latest marketing tactic is more disturbing than Lafferty’s panty knot, because even though marketers like those at Victoria’s Secret are selling excitement and fantasy to their target consumers (straight men and women), frightened, uptight shoppers like Lafferty are buying “lesbian” and no one is telling them that they’ve got it all wrong.

There are plenty of lesbians who wear lace, and who are very feminine, but straight women who behave like lesbians are not lesbians. The same goes for mannequins. These days, the lesbian community has more important things to do than point out the obvious, but we’re repeatedly waylaid by the ridiculous.

It’s been over thirty years since I thought a mannequin wanted to have sex with me or anyone else.  I was high on acid and fell in love with a mannequin in a Dress Barn window. Friends told me that I was so enamored I licked the glass. But I don’t remember doing that. I remember my sexy mannequin beckoned me into the store with a wave of her arm, though. And then she started to melt.

Like Andrea Lafferty, I was afraid of what I thought I saw. Unlike Lafferty, I had a good excuse. What’s hers?