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Getting ready for her blind date, Jackie says: “I can't believe how nervous I am. I haven't been on a date for four years and I've forgotten how nerve-wracking it can be. I really wanted to get out there and see what was in the world — if it's as bad as what I have at home.” Being alone is better than what you have at home.
Jackie meets Jody's friend at East/West, an upscale lounge in West Hollywood. She approaches a woman sitting alone in a large booth. “Are you Michelle?” I know instantly this is not going to work. Jody was right; Michelle is just like Jackie, and in all the wrong ways.
Jackie fiddles with the drink menu. She orders a martini and says, “I like your hair.”
Michelle counters, “I like your hair.” Boy, you gals really know how to flirt. They bore us with some more small talk about work and yoga, surfing and abs. The conversation is the kind you might have with a stranger on a bus.
Michelle asks, “What kind of girl do you like?” (Because she knows it's not her.)
Jackie's nervously crossing and uncrossing her arms, the way you do when you don't know what to do with them. She leans over and says: “I'll tell you what kind of girl I don't like right now. I'm having major problems with my girlfriend.” Jackie proceeds to spend the rest of the date talking about Mimi. She's been fidgety and discombobulated since she sat down, but now she's committed the mortal dating sin of talking nonstop about her relationship. Jackie has totally lost her mojo.
Michelle says, “Ah, the dyke drama.”
Jackie replies, “Yeah, you know a little about that?”
Michelle says sarcastically, “No, nothing, never.” Why is it when straight couples have problems, they are called “marital problems” or “relationship issues,” but when it's lesbians, it's “dyke drama”?
After who-knows-how-long of Jackie crying in her martini about Mimi, she finally says to Michelle about this date, “I don't know if there's such a love connection between us.” Chuck Woolery would agree.
Michelle, still sarcastic, says: “Ya think? Just because I feel like I'm looking in the mirror?” Blind dates are fun! I need to go on some of those.
In all, Michelle is a good sport about the whole thing. They wander over to the bar and start scoping out the babes. Michelle zeroes in on two women and invites them to their table. She seems to hit it off with one of the women. Nothing salvages a bad date like picking up a new woman right in the middle of it.
Jackie's happy for Michelle: “They're probably still together. In fact, they're probably moved in by now. What's it been, three days? I'm sure they're living very comfortably with two cats.”
Meanwhile, in our Zen subplot, Doug (aka everybody's best friend) decides to cheer Zen up by taking her on a hike. Zen is wearing her mourning hiking outfit, an all-black jogging suit with a black hood over her head. She tells Doug what she'd rather be doing: “I'd be at home, in bed, eating chocolate, watching some Jane Austen movie.” She leaves out reading Sylvia Plath while listening to lonesome country music, but we get the point — Zen is not feeling very Zen.
Doug wants to help. “What can I do?” he asks.
“Fertilize my eggs,” Zen replies. Doug thinks she needs a guy's point of view, but it sounds like what she needs is a guy, period. After a bit of hiking, Zen starts to look a little better. She's taken off her shroud and is smiling a little. She gets the energy to run a little. Doug trots after her.
“Every girl needs a gay man in her life,” Doug declares. Personally, I think it's the other way around.
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