Mama's home and she's not happy. In last week's episode, Jackie went out of town to train and almost seduce her Palm Springs client. While she was away, Jesse's dog-sitting skills failed him miserably, allowing havoc to rein at Casa de Warner.

Jackie tells us: “While I was away with Sarah, I had such a great time. I was so happy. It made me realize that I had bigger problems than I really thought with Mimi. Then I have to come home to this mess.”

She wanders into the bedroom where the sheets and pillows are in disarray. Who's been sleeping in my bed? Gross. Burn those sheets. The Chihuahuas are running around blithely. We know one of them is Pookie but do we know the other one's name? We'll call it Butch. She scoops up Pookie and Butch and leaves for the gym on her Harley. I'm not sure where she's stashed the dogs, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

Jesse and Erika Jolie spy Jackie as she walks into the gym. Jesse whispers, “Did she come straight here?”

Erika asks incredulously, “You didn't clean?”

Jesse ignores her and theorizes, “She had to have gone home … she has the dogs.”

Jackie orders Jesse into her office for a spanking. Trying to fast-talk his way out of trouble, Jesse launches into his story: “Erika and I were going to go to the house, just to be like, OK, just come over and we'll have a bottle of wine. OK, whatever. But Raquel came, um, so I called her and said, ‘OK, listen, so you can come too. It's not a big deal.'”

Jackie tries to piece it together: “So you've added Erika. And now you have Raquel, and now it's you three. It's starting to sound more and more like you're collecting one person after another.” That's exactly what happened. People kept showing up. Brian literally pushed his way inside. What's one little gay man to do against a flood of gate-crashers?

Jesse's contrite but he's still smiling, so I have to wonder just how sorry he really is. “I felt like I disappointed my dad,” he says. “I felt so guilty.” Jackie is like Jesse's dad? No wonder Jesse's gay.

Out on the floor, Erika's working with Alina, the woman trying to downsize her boobs. They're concentrating on Alina's rhombuloids or gonkulats or something. I don't know. I skipped anatomy class. Alina's on all fours on a mat as Erika stares into space, expressionless. Erika says, “Look at you, my star pupil.” She sits back on her heels next to Alina, her face completely blank. Sometimes, I think Erika is actually a fem-bot.

Page 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 - Next