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They arrive at the hotel and Jackie tells them to get dressed, boot camp starts right away. Out in a field, everyone hits the ground for push ups, then right into jumping jacks, right into knee ups, then kickboxing, more push ups, running, jumping, boxing. It's so exhausting to watch, I can hardly eat my Doritos.
Erika Jolie and Jesse slump to the ground during the third or fourth round of push ups. Jackie comes running over, “Hey, hey, hit it!!” Rebecca pants, “We're all going to die.” While the gang's grunting and sweating, Jackie cheers, “Its fun!” The Peeler yells back, “Its fun to run salt over an open cut too.” (It is?) Rebecca says to no one in particular, “I can't feel my legs.”
All the childish rivalries and workplace antics almost made me forget these guys truly are high-end fitness trainers. Doug and Andre are real life GI Joe dolls, excuse me, action figures. Zen, Erika, and Rebecca all have the great abs and killer legs you'd expect from someone charging $400 an hour for personal training, or personal anything. Only attention whores Jesse and Peeler don't impress much. Knucklehead actually looks a little doughy.
After boot camp is done, Jackie proudly says, “I wanted to trash them and belittle them, but I couldn't, they all stepped up to the plate.” Rebecca wins a prize for doing so well, a free massage, courtesy of Jackie. Erika Jolie looks disappointed. Rebecca consoles her, “Aw, but you're pretty!”
Relaxing in the hotel pool afterwards, they're drinking and standing around in the water. Rebecca's whack crack makes another appearance, slipping out of her tiny lime green bikini. The masseuse comes to fetch Rebecca for her massage. As she's walking away, everyone suddenly laughs. She turns and Jackie blurts out, “Wasn't me!” Erika's pointing at Jesse. Someone said something, but no one's talking. Rebecca keeps walking but makes a mental note, “I'll ask Peeler later, because he'll tell me.”
Lounging poolside, Peeler starts another game. “If you had to sleep with every trainer at the gym, no matter what, in which order would you sleep with them?
Doug says, “Jackie first. I think she's wild, I think she's into leather. Then Zen, because I think the quiet ones are probably the wild ones.” And then to Brian and Andre, “And then you guys last, I'd sleep with Jesse before you two.” Uh, I thought Doug was gay.
Peeler's turn. ” I guess Jesse first, if I were gay, then Doug, then Jackie, then ‘Dre, then both the girls at the same time. Erika?”
Erika really doesn't want to play along, so she finally says dourly, “I guess I would sleep with myself.” Gah, no fun again. I want to like the Erika Jolie experience, all the elements are there, but the vibe is all wrong. Much like a pelvic exam.
Zen offers in her upbeat way, “I would just bring y'all into a room, turn the lights out, and go! And see what happens! Everyone's hot in the dark!” If only this were true.
Later, Rebecca finally corners the Peeler about what Jesse might have said by the pool. He tells her, “It was something about being a slut.” Rebecca goes to Zen for confirmation but she denies knowing anything about it. Brian's not sure if Jesse even deserves to be hazed at this point. Because, yeah, what an honor. Doug tries to be nice about it and thinks he's just trying to fit it.
By nightfall, everyone's in a suite, Jesse and Erika have deck of cards and are playing Slap Jack. Is there such a game as Slap Mimi?
Brian confronts Jesse. “Why'd you call her a slut?” Rebecca joins in, “I'm just curious.” Jesse says, “I was joking, I swear.” He looks uncomfortable but not enough to stop playing Slap Jack. Rebecca's still trying to understand where's the funny in calling someone a slut. Brian says, “Dude, she's talking to you. Where I come from, you don't call a woman a slut.” Jackie tries to defuse the situation, “He was totally kidding.” Jesse is her little favorite.
Brian takes ownership of the situation, “He done mess with the wrong bull. Don't worry, daddy's got it under control.” Why don't you two just whip them out and Erika will get ruler, and get it over with?
Finally, Jesse offers a white flag, “Clean slate?” He then turns around and to himself mutters, “What an asshole.” Saying things behind people's backs is becoming Jesse's m.o..
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