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For those of you just joining us, Rebecca and Mimi had an altercation last week after Rebecca mooned Jackie, much to Mimi's disapproval. “No more mooning,” Mimi admonished. She flashed Rebecca her best serial-killer smile.

In an interview shot, Jackie laughs, “Rebecca is terrified of Mimi.” Aren't we all? She's like a spoiled, nasty poodle that bites. She's more of a Fifi than a Mimi. Even so, Jackie Pink Johansson and Fifi have been together for almost four years. Crack may be whack, but not as whack as Mimi and Jackie's relationship. We lezbeans do love us our drama.

Jackie tries to put a positive spin on things, “Anytime you get two pretty girls together in the same room, sparks are gonna fly.” Is that where the porn comes in? About the mooning incident, Jackie blows it off, “She'll get over it, she doesn't hold onto things.” Uh huh.

Back to talking about the retreat, Jackie says, “We're gonna do boot camp, we're gonna have some fun. We're gonna eat, we're gonna have drinks.” “Work hard, play hard,” Rebecca offers. And no Mimi. That puts the “treat” in retreat.

Across the room, Erika, our Angelina Jolie look-alike, is supervising jumping jacks with Alina, the top-heavy hair stylist trying to fabulize herself and avoid breast reduction surgery. It's a shame Rebecca's not her trainer, she'd have a field day with Alina's chest and we could watch.

Erika says, “She's one of those clients who never complains. Even when she's in pain, she smiles and giggles.” If Erika Jolie were your trainer, would you complain?

Elsewhere, Doug gasps, “Rebecca has a penis on her phone.” Doug, his client Jody Watley, and Rebecca are now looking at a picture on her phone. Doug moves in for a really good look and smiles big. Jody takes a peek and falls to the floor with laughter. Rebecca beams, “My boyfriend is a very large man, I'm very proud of that.” Doug puts it most eloquently, “It's a baby arm.”

Across the floor, Erika is watching disapprovingly. She makes a bee line straight to Jackie's office. “If I see something wrong on the gym floor, I'm absolutely going to tell Jackie. And what Rebecca did was absolutely wrong.” Who made you school yard monitor? Erika Jolie, I'm disappointed in you, even if you are white hot.

Erika tells Jackie, “I think I saw Rebecca showing Jody dirty pictures. That behavior is totally unprofessional…. And when I see her stretching her clients, her butt is up in the air. There's always a dirty vibe.”

Jackie agrees and gives us her employee evaluation. “She's a little dirty bird. I'm going to have to clip that dirty bird's wings today.”

It's lunchtime and all the trainers are out to eat, getting to know the new guy, Jesse. Jesse tells the table he was married once. What? This guy is Will Truman gay. How can this be? Brian is unimpressed with the attention Jesse's getting as he holds forth about his bride's black wedding dress, red veil and the snake she wore around her neck. Charming. How do you explain wedding photos like that to your new boyfriends? Yes, that's a play I was in.

Brian says, “I think Jesse's really fake. It's Jesse this, Jesse that. If he has to be the center of attention, if that's what he needs to survive, that's fine. But tone it down a notch.” This, from the knucklehead who introduced himself last week with, “I'm The Peeler.”

Knucklehead announces there's going to be a little hazing ritual at retreat boot camp for new recruit Jesse. Little Miss Killjoy, Erika, doesn't like the idea. “I was picked on at school- seven elementary schools, three different high schools, always being the new kid on the block- it really sucked. I think hazing is dumb.“ Her plan is to protect Jesse somehow. Don't forget to pack your Lara Croft outfit.

Back at Sky Sport and Porn, Jackie's on phone with Fifi, doing their little dance. “I tried to make up with you, several times, and you just screamed in my face. I didn't do anything wrong in my mind.” Psychotic Girlfriend 101--it's not about what's in your mind, it's about what's in that circus called your girlfriend's mind. C'mon Warner, get with it.

Still on the phone, Jackie keeps trying, “Well, I'd like to see you tonight, you can tell me what you think.” Long pause. Jackie quietly puts the phone back on its base. Fifi hung up on her. To the camera crew, Jackie laughs weakly, “She said ‘shut up.''' It's getting hard to watch this nonsense.

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